Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, June 30, 2011

How To Make A Happy Cap

My Name Is El Capitan, And I'm A Bookaholic...

The Equation For Literary Bliss: + Paycheck + SuperSaver Shipping + Big Brown Truck Of Happiness =

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

This Really Comes As No Surprise...

My TelePrompTer Wrote This For Me!

Saw this test over at GOC's place.

The scoring's a bit wonky. It sort of implies that you're in complete opposition to The One. If each question had only two possible answers instead of four, you might accidentally find yourself aligned his His Obamaness.

Now, the real problem is that I'll likely get the same score when compared to any of the GOP frontrunners...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Not Quite The Result I Was Expecting...

More Fun & Games While Working For The Man

So, I get this email today:
June 28, 2011

El Capitan
A Van Down By The River
Houston, TX 77777

Dear Cap:


This position has been filled. Although your credentials are impressive, there were other candidates whose qualifications more closely match our specific position requirements or preferences.

Should you need additional assistance, you are encouraged to contact the Hiring Department, whose phone number can be found on the Job Posting, under "Application Procedures."

Thank you for your interest in employment with The Man and good luck in your job search!


Human Resources Department for The Man

You gotta love a form letter. It just oozes with warmth and hugz.

Wanna hear the funny part?

I actually got the job. Well, OK, just the title, but I'm trying to be optimistic here.

Me & a co-worker got called on the carpet last week and informed that we were being bumped a pay grade and offered a new title. The very same title listed above.

I'd actually applied for the position, my co-worker had not. So much for taking the initiative...

No money accompanies the bump. It seems when our tiny band of happy warrior-bureaucrats moved from The Man's Office to Human Resources, they failed to transfer our complete budget, just our salaries. So, the best I'll get is new business cards.

There's a chance they'll do an equity adjustment in the future, but I'm not holding my breath. My co-worker & I are currently 8K below the median pay for that position, so I'm pretty torqued about this lack of even a token raise.

Adding insult to not-quite-an-injury, since this is still technically a promotion, I'm obliged to go take the mandatory Promotional Piss Test.

I hope they give me enough notice to eat a pound of asparagus and wash it down with a quart of black coffee beforehand. I want them to enjoy the test as much as I will!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sunday Is Gun Day!!

Fun & Games With Explosive Materials

Despite the two rugrats hanging from the ceiling fans, I managed to be somewhat productive this weekend.

Sammy & Grace were packed off to church & lunch with Grammy & PopPop, so Tio Capitan took the opportunity to escape the city before he could get dragooned into more babysitting duties.

I went up to the Cisco Kid's place up near Tomball and spent the afternoon loading rounds for the .45 hand cannon.

Despite a serious eff-up on my part that required the scrapping & salvaging & reloading a *3rd* time of 85 rounds, (see here for the 1st eff-up) it turned out OK. The pic below is a grand total of 443 reloaded rounds of .45 Long Colt ammo. It's mostly 300 gr. bullets, 50 hollowpoints and 150 jacketed soft points. The rest is either 230 gr. round nose or 185 gr. semiwadcutter bullets.

Here's a tip... If you ever get a sneaking suspicion while reloading that you've really screwed something up, PAY ATTENTION!! Don't dismiss that feeling!

In this case, I was resetting the shell plate after a feed jam, and realized that I'd fed a double charge of powder into the primed case. That was an easy fix, just dump the powder and replace the empty case in the shell plate.

The problem was that I was certain I'd done that particular event a few minutes earlier, and somewhere in the pile of loaded rounds was a ticking time bomb.

You really, really don't want to risk a double charge of Bullseye powder, even in a bankvault-esque revolver like my Ruger Redhawk.

See, if you blow yourself up as a result of a reloading goof, you'll have to go before Crom up on his mountain and answer the question "What is the riddle of steel?"

The correct answer is: "Steel gets blow'd up when you eff up your reloading!"

Crom will then laugh at you and cast you out of Valhalla. And that would just suck.

Also accomplished: Swapping out the full-length guide rod for a GI version on the 1911, replacing the firing pin spring and adding a compensator. Hardly worth mentioning, as it took a grand total of 10 minutes, and that included scrubbing out the firing pin & extractor channels.

Can't wait to see how it shoots!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Breakfast With Tio Capitan

Sam & Grace Are Jacked Up On Milk & Syrup!!

They could have gone anywhere in Houston for breakfast...

Naturally, we ended up at McDonald's.

Still, it was fun, all things considered. They got pancake syrup smeared in places I didn't think possible, and I learned that Grace had neglected to wear undergarments when she went sliding down the overhead acrylic tube in the McD's playground.

Then, of course, Grace had to go potty. She was OK with going into the Men's bathroom, but once she was seated and taking care of business, I noticed there was no bogwipe. I suppose I could have held her posterior up to the blowdrier, but I dashed out, grabbed a handful of napkins, and returned. Sure hope they flush OK.

I now understand why tranquilizers are known as "Mother's Little Helper". A 90 minute trip with the kids has me ready for three fingers of bourbon and a long nap!

BTW, the goo on their faces is leftover face paint from the party in the park the night before.)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Blownstar Alert

Nice To Be In The Loop!

It seems that there's a Blownstar gathering in Kerrville this weekend. Who knew?

No, really. Who knew? I sure as hell didn't...

Scenes From A Parking Lot

Have Camera, Will Travel

Google is watching you!!

Bravest Rolls Royce Owner Ever. (Leaving it unattended in a public lot near the courthouse)

If you're going to steal the table signs from Whataburger, you probably shouldn't display them on your dashboard!

Can't fault the message. The spelling needs a bit of work, though...

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Goose Is Loose

Yet Another Thing That Won't End Well...

The hillbillies next door have brought a new pet home.

On my way out to the truck this morning, I'm greeted by a yapping chihuahua, a yapping Maltese, an indifferent cat, a mostly nekkid two year old and this smallish yellowish bird with a sizable beak and the most ridiculous set of webbed feet you've ever seen.

Apparently geese grow their feet before they grow the rest of the goose.

OK, the dogs I can deal with. I'm used to the mostly nekkid kids. The cat makes little pawprints on my windshield, but otherwise avoids contact.

Once that goose grows up, though...

They're territorial as hell, and fond of pecking the shit out of your ankles and banging the crap out of your shins with their wings.

I'm not having it. No effin' way.

First time that goose gets between me & the front door, I'm gonna have roast goose for dinnner!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Sunday Pookie Cat

OK, I Forgot Yesterday Was Caturday...

Here's Pookie Cat lounging on my bed, enjoying the giant fish.

I bought two huge fish pillows several years back, a rainbow trout and a catfish. Each is about 5 feet long, and not only do they make great pillows, the whiskers on the catfish make a nice dangling cat toy!

Pookie Cat is probably wishing I'd quit with the $&*!%(@# camera flash and let her go back to sleep...

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Battle Of Waterloo

"Hard pounding, gentlemen. Let's see who pounds the longest."
- Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington

196 years ago today, Napoleon Bonaparte made one last run at European domination, but it was not to be.

A coalition of British, Prussian, Hanoverian, Netherlanders, Nassauers and Brunswickers (aided by some timely inclement weather) called a halt to Le Petit Caporal at a valley just south of a Belgian village called Waterloo.

I had an interest in (some might say obsession with...) all things Napoleonic while at college. I've still got stacks & stacks of books on Wellington's Peninsular Campaign, pages and pages of notes researching the battles, and a giant 4' x 5' map painstakingly laid out by hand on hex paper over the course of a summer for the purposes of a grand game of the Battle of Waterloo. I've got counters for every unit over battalion size that was within a 100 mile radius of the battle.

Waterloo was the high water mark for smoothbore muskets & guns and armored cavalry warfare. Within a generation, rifled muskets and cannon would enter the battlefield, and the new technology married to 18th century tactics would lead to the bloodbaths of Balaclava, Antietam and Sedan.

So, if you've got a few hours to kill, show up with a six pack case of good beer and get me talking about Blücher's charge at Ligny, or the Black Watch at Quatre Bras.

Here's what happens when a French cuirassier catches a British cannonball:

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Office Hijinks

Hoping For A Slow Friday. Haven't Had One In Ages!

So, would it be wrong to place an order for office supplies for the sole purpose of building a fleet of supply closet X-Wings?

What would y'all use for the corresponding TIE fighters?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Möbius Ship?

The Rum Is Kept In Klein Bottles...


Möbius Ship:

A sculpture from Tim Hawkinson, currently at the Indianapolis Museum of Art

What a cool way to appease your inner geek, whilst simultaneously pandering to your pirate persona!!

Via BoingBoing

Monday, June 13, 2011

Is It Still Monday??

I Shoulda Stayed In Bed...

Day 5 of the Great Phlegm Monster Fight. Not too sure what happened to the weekend. I know I left the house at least once to get more decongestant.

Probably 20 out of 24 hours both days snoozing, sneezing & sniffling.

That might explain the nitrous post...

On the road to recovery, though.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Speaking Of Whipped Cream...

And Bad Ideas. Don't Forget Bad Ideas!!

OK, the whipped cream comment in the last post got me thinking about Whip-Its.

Did you know you could buy a bucketful of little nitrous oxide canisters on eBay for much cheaper than at the head shops and gourmet food stores?

It's probably been 20 years since I went on a nitrous bender. No, in fact it'll be 22 years this summer.

A bunch of us swarmed into the Cisco Kid's riverfront casa in New Braunfels for my 21st birthday party. The guest of honor was a 5 foot tall tank of nitrous oxide. We handed out Hefty bags at the door. Fortunately, no one crawled into a closet and asphyxiated.

One of my last conscious memories of that evening was someone dropping the tank down the 3rd floor stairwell...

Gadzooks, but it's tempting to buy some laughing gas. 600 of the little buggers for $150!! I wonder if I still have my old brass cracker I bought from Smoke Toys in 1988?

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Thursday Food P{}rn

"Feels Like Warm Apple Pie!!"

Ugh. My sinuses and bronchii have been occupied by the evil Phlegm Monsters.

Therefore, in lieu of writing something interesting, I'll just post more food p()rn, and get myself to bed.

Enjoy! (click on pix for embiggenation!)

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

This Won't End Well...

Ringling Brothers Circus Crowd Control??

I ran across the following pic the other day. Someone in Granddad's era got the idea to try mounting a Colt-Browning machine gun atop an elephant:

OK, I'll give 'em points for creative thinking. Needs some fine tuning, though. Like some straps & harness! (And, truth be told, this pic was probably set up as a prank!)

The elephant/MG rig should work great for subduing the Fuzzy-Wuzzies in Deepest Darkest or the peace-loving pygmies of the Upper Volta . Not so good against anyone armed with more than a viciously sharp slice of mango.

Suddenly, I'm consumed with the urge to see someone target Jumbo with a 57 mm recoilless rifle. Would the elephant hide contain the earth-shattering kaboom, or would it scatter elephant entrails for acres??

Monday, June 06, 2011

Never Buy Sushi In The Dark

Not The Weirdest Weekend, But Close!

The Man's layoff appeal cases are staggering, and I'm lucky to get out of here in daylight these days. This morning saw me leaving for work prior to 7AM, which I'm deathly allergic to under normal circumstances.

I went downtown Saturday for a two-fer. I'd gotten 'volunteered' to sit at an info table at the big hurricane preparedness workshop. I had no real advice to give other than "GTFO". We were aiming our spiel towards people with disabilities, trying to get them to plan ahead rather than rely on the guvmint to pull their bacon off the burner.

I doubt much can be done. People with severe disabilities often have severe poverty issues, making relocation impossible, and evacuation difficult. Even if you did pick a nice safe inland locale like, say, Joplin, Missouri, that's no guarantee the Almighty won't squash you like a bug...

Luckily, there was a gun show sharing the convention center, so I was able to do some shopping. Came up dry on most of my list. No knifemaking supply dealers were there, so I'm still lacking some linen micarta slabs to rehaft my sneak-a-dagger. Didn't find any reloading dies for .32ACP, and the 1911 parts guy was absent as well, so I didn't get a stock guide rod and bushing plug for my .45 Auto. (I want to pull out the full length guide rod and see how it does with the old-school recoil management)

I did score a box of .32ACP Hydrashok hollowpoints, and a snapcap for the Swiss K31 rifle. Oh, yeah, I couldn't resist another item for my Sharp & Pointy collection. Since my Cold Steel Culloden is temporarily without a handle, the special guest sneak-a-dagger will be a Cold Steel Safe Keeper II.

Looks like this:

(Clicky for full-size)

Sunday was spent mostly horizontal, with a brief trip to Cigar Towne to decompress before the week's run of layoff appeals started. I skedaddled home when the thunder & lightning started getting rambunctious.

On the way home, I stopped off at the HEB to grab some dead fish & rice from the Sushiya folks in the deli. The power had just gone out in the store except for emergency lights and a few registers. They probably ought to have closed the store, but I got in and rescued some sushi before they took it back to the main coolers.

Unfortunately, the lack of light cause me to make a bad choice in my sushi selection. I had thought the shrimp & avocado roll had either bonito flakes or tempura crispies on top.

Oh, no. This sushi roll, as I found out when I got home (to a house also without power, but that's another story) was the Cheesy Shrimp & Avocado roll.

What made it cheesy? It was rolled in crushed Cheetos. Tasted like cheesy, shrimpy ass, but at $9, I ate the stupid thing.

I kid you not. Crushed Cheetos. You can't make this shit up...

Friday, June 03, 2011

A Hint To The Overly Industrious

Jeez, But I Hate Summer Interns!

OK, youngster. Let me lay some wisdom on you.

Zealous diligence does NOT equal intelligence.

You're spinning your tires so fast, you can't see that you've high-centered on the Stump of Ignorance.

Besides, you're spewing up dirt and tire smoke, and annoying the rest of us.

At any rate, unless you completely bollix something up, you're getting the same recommendation letter at the end of the summer that we give to the kid who takes 3 hour lunches and smells like weed when he returns...

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Did The Man Just F#&% Up??

He'll Get His Pound Of Flesh One Way Or Another...

OK, this is weird.

I've been taking my mandatory furlough days on the last Monday of the month.

It accomplishes two things. A) a 3 day weekend, and B) it delays the inevitable until the last possible moment.

I just tried to enter my furlough day into the Kronos timekeeping POS suckhole application system, and it's not taking it.

It occurs to me that the check for that week would be paid out of FY2012, not FY2011.

So, if you took your June furlough day in the 1st half of the month, you get docked 'cause you're still in FY2011. If you wait until the last half, you don't get docked??

Nah, they'll pull it manually, I'll bet.

After all, The Man never lets a spare nickel get by...