Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Pop Culture Pop Quiz

The Minimalist Edition

OK, I am needing some assistance!!

I ran across this chart of pop culture icons, and I can't figure them all out. They're characters from comics, movies, TV, music, etc., rendered as very simple facial icons.

Some are easy. Some, not at all.

The ones marked with a red dot are the ones I'm stuck on. My full list of guesses is down below. Don't scroll down if you want to figure it out for yourself!

Do me a favor, click on the pic to enlarge it, and see if you can fill in the holes!

Muchas Gracias, campers!


Top to bottom, left to right. A semicolon separates the different singles or groups.

Line One:
Vincent & Jules ('Pulp Fiction'); The Marx Bros.; Travis Bickle? ('Taxi Driver'); ??; The Village People; Mario Brothers; Kid, Old Man & Dog ('Up'); ??; Alice Cooper

Line Two:
Joker, Batman, Two-Face; The Simpsons characters; Sonic The Hedgehog; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters; Che Guevara; ??; ??; Betty Boop; Domo-Kun

Line Three:
Fantastic Four; Terminator?; Vampire; Frankenstein's Monster; Mummy; ??; Beatles?; Teen Titans; ??; ??

Line Four:
Tintin & Snowy; Mr. Spock; Charlie Chaplin; Spiderman; ???; Buster Keaton; Link (Legend of Zelda); Trinity, Neo, Morpheus ('The Matrix'); Emperor, Darth Maul, Boba Fett, Clone Trooper ('Star Wars'); Flynn & Tron ('TRON'); ??; Wall-E & EVE (Wall-E)

Line Five:
Darth Vader, Ben Kenobi, Yoda, R2D2, C3PO ('Star Wars'); ??; Asterix & Obelix; Nine members of The Fellowship Of The Ring; Jack Sparrow, Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner, Capt. Barbossa ('Pirates of the Caribbean')

Line Six:
The A-Team; John Steed & Emma Peel ('The Avengers); Kick-Ass & Hit Girl ('Kick-Ass'); Rooster Cogburn, Mattie Ross, Tx Ranger LaBoeuf ('True Grit'); Ghostface ('Scream'); ??; Angry Bird & Pig; Bugs, Daffy, Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam ('Looney Tunes'); Hello Kitty

Line Seven:
Jason Voorhees ('Friday the 13th' series); The Watchmen characters; Toy Story characters; Zorro; ??; ZZ Top; Stallone & Snipes ('Demolition Man')

Line Eight:
Shrek & Donkey ('Shrek'); The Blues Brothers; The Flash; Pac-Man; Superman?; Quasimodo?; ????; Ghost Rider; Dennis Hopper, Peter Fonda, Jack Nicholson ('Easy Rider'); ??; ???; ??; ??

Line Nine:
Harold Lloyd; South Park Kids; Hellboy & Abe Sapien; Darkman; Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy; ??; ??; Calvin & Hobbes; Nick Fury; Marilyn Monroe; Dorothy Gale, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow ('The Wizard of Oz'); ??

Line Ten:
Hannibal Lecter; ??; ??; Green Hornet & Kato; ??; ??; ??; Velma, Fred, Daphne, Scooby, Shaggy ('Scooby Doo'), ??; Martian ('Mars Attacks'); Gomez, Morticia, Pugsley, Wednesday, Fester, Lurch ('The Addams Family')

Line Eleven:
???; Daredevil; ??; Jake & Neytiri??('Avatar'); ??; Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Ace Frehley, Peter Criss (KISS); Pikachu & Ash (Pokemon); ??; Judge Dredd; ???; ???; Wonder Woman

Line Twelve:
Smurf?; Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Grainger ('Harry Potter' series); ??; Alex ('A Clockwork Orange'); Ellen Ripley & Xenomorph ('Alien'); ??; Maschinenmensch ('Metropolis'); Raoul Duke & Dr. Gonzo ('Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas'); ??; Waldo (Where's Waldo); Sully & Mike ('Monsters Inc.'); ?????

Line Thirteen:
Wolverine, Cyclops, Prof. Xavier, Emma Frost?, Beast (X-Men); The Dude & Walter Sobchak ('The Big Lebowski'); Gizmo ('Gremlins'); Michael Jackson; Mickey Mouse; Fry, Bender, Leela, Farnsworth, Zoidberg ('Futurama'); ??; Ponch & John ('C.H.I.P.S.'); ???; David Bowie

Line Fourteen:
??; Guy Fawkes; RoboCop; Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk (Avengers); ??; Tweety & Sylvester; Charlie's Angels?; ??; ??; Dash, Violet, Mr. Incredible, ElastiGirl, Syndrome ('The Incredibles')

Line Fifteen:
???; ??; Power Man & Iron Fist; ??; The Phantom; ???; Sid, Manny, Diego, Scrat ('Ice Age'); ???; Teletubbies; Willam Wallace ('Braveheart'); ??

Monday, November 28, 2011

Mr. Switchy Takes A Vacation

Fun & Games While Ignoring A Few Statutes

Mr. Switchy threw a rod.

Actually, it was just a broken coil spring, but that's enough to put him on the sidelines while a replacement could be found.

I'd planned ahead and stocked a replacement. As per usual, I'd placed it somewhere very safe for when the need arose.

It's still in that very safe place. Wherever that might be...

Fortunately, there's a few sellers of "hobby springs" on eBay, and a few minutes with a Torx wrench, and Mr. Switchy is back in fine form.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Fountain Of Goop

Put This One In The "Bad Idea" Pile

I've never been a fan of fondue, and even less so now.

A recent trend in buffets and wedding receptions is the chocolate fondue fountain. Instead of a bubbling pot of chocolate over a can of Sterno, you've got a self-heated warmer and a pump, and the liquified chocolate cascades down a series of bowls. You then dip your fruit/cake on a stick in it and eat.

Looks like this:

Now, fondue-in-a-pot isn't the worst idea. Everyone sits around the pot with their long skinny fork/poker and shares in the fun.

The fondue fountain on a buffet line? Not so much. I'm kinda queasy thinking about the inevitable juicy sneeze, the little kids with grubby/snotty fingers scooping out handfuls of chocolate, and also tipsy adults dropping cigarette ashes or who knows what in there.

And, of course, people have to take things to the extreme.

F'rinstance, the caramel fountain. Gotta be a nightmare to clean!!

Then, it just gets silly. Like the eggnog fountain.

And the ranch dressing fountain.

The nacho fountain?

Lastly, the ketchup fountain. *shudder*

Friday, November 25, 2011

Blackhead Friday

The Horror... The Horror...

OK, I told myself I wasn't going to enter a single retail establishment today.

Sigh. I was weak.

The three hours spent in a big leather wingback chair smoking cigars & watching football at the local ManCave went OK. They do sell the cigars, so it does qualify as retail. The proprietor waved me to the chair saying "Pay later! $CollegeTeam is about to score. I don't wanna get up right now!" It's the kind of casual treatment I can respect! I guess it emboldened me to poke my head in another store.

Bad, bad move...

I've been looking for a couple of obscure DVDs, and (oxymoron alert) a new used DVD store opened on the far west side. So, I thought I'd poke around.

Little did I know I wouldn't be the only one poking.

After browsing the aisles, I found a few keepers and went to go get in line. It wasn't real busy, but there was a couple in front of me.

As the clerkatron pulled their DVDs from the storage drawers, the female turned to face her boyfriend, and that's when the nightmare began.

Y'know, it's nice to know people have loving relationships, and that the care you have for your mate allows you to do all sorts of things for them.

Popping their facial zits as you stand in line SHOULD NOT BE ONE OF THOSE THINGS!!!

I was aghast as she applied thumbnails to his face, squeezing zits like she was popping bubble wrap. The dude didn't even try to escape! I figured for sure this was the moral equivalent of your mom reaching for your face with a spit-dampened Kleenex! You have a genetic imperative to back away!!

Making matters worse, when the clerkatron rang up their total, she didn't even wipe her hands clean! She pulled out some bills and handed them over. I was gonna pay cash, but whipped out a credit card rather than chance getting change smeared with zit juice!!

Awful, awful, awful...

Please, y'all! No zit popping in public! Do it (OK, don't do it) for the cheeeeldrun!!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Turkey-less Turkey Day

At Least The Cowboys Won!

Well, as Thanksgiving Days go, I've had better, and I've had worse.

The older I get, the more I appreciate my family. When I was a teenager, I pretty much had to be dragged in a hammerlock to family events. I much preferred being anywhere else, usually hanging out with friends than enduring yet another get-together of all the old fogies and their endless stories of days gone by.

As they say, Too Soon Old, Too Late Wise. It took a while for me to realize that all through your life, friends will come and go, but once family goes, they're gone for good.

Mom & Dad are in their 70's. Their siblings and cousins are in their mid to late 60's. Myself, my sister and cousins are all in our 40s and 50s. We're gonna blink, and find ourselves as the senior generation...

So, it was bittersweet today to have a flock of oldsters over for dinner. There's not too many of them left, and for a couple, I'll be surprised if they're at the table next year.

My sister, her husband and the kids weren't here. That kinda sucked.

A good feed centered around a ham and a stuffed pork loin, but it was a mite cold, despite efforts to cycle things through the oven & microwave. The League City crew (Aunt, Uncle & 3 male cousins) were two hours late. They're raising one of my cousin's kids after their mom skipped out, and that can't be easy at their age.

The hoodlum jailbird cousin was well-behaved. We've always gotten along, but I still lock up all the guns and valuables before he comes over.

Not quite sure what the deal was with my eldest cousin's wife. Her appearance was shocking. I'd last seen her 15 months ago, and she looks like she's aged 20 years. Fast living will catch up to you, I guess, but I wouldn't rule out her having jumped back on the Meth Express. Damn shame. He's a good man, and deserves better.

The dishes are done, everyone's gone, and now I've got three days to nap and stay the hell out of retail establishments.

Hope your Thanksgiving went well, y'all!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

More Fun With The Fleabaggers

20 Years Ago, This Would Have Infuriated Me. Now, I Just Chuckle!

We had the annual Smoke & Powder Crawl in October, the yearly outing for the stogierati to shoot guns and smoke cigars & quaff spirits (not all at the same time...)

This year we were slightly stymied by the Harris County burn ban, put in place due to the drought. As a result, there was no smoking inside city & county parks. Since the shooting range was inside a park, we could light up, but if a wandering po-leece caught us, we were subject to a $2000 fine.

Flash forward to the Occupy Houston crowd over in Tranquility Park. You've got a crowd of unemployed kids hanging out, shooting the breeze all day, and like most protesting college kids, chain-smoking cigarettes.

Officer Friendly told me a tale of how you really ought to keep your head in the game while protesting. He walks up to some fleabagger puffing on a cigarette, and tells him there's no smoking in the park due to the burn ban.

Fleabagger, instead of putting out the smoke, gives Officer Friendly some lip.

This does not end well for the fleabagger...

Instead of a warning, Officer Friendly whips out the citation book and writes the fleabagger a ticket. Probably not a $2000 fine, but at least the cost of half a dozen cartons of smokes.

Fleabagger takes it like a man, and hands his cigarette to his girlfriend while he signs the citation. Gives Officer Friendly more lip as he does it.

Officer Friendly smiles, watches the girlfriend take a drag or two, then issues HER a citation.


If there's one lesson I learned early in life, it's when a cop gives you an easy out, YOU STFU & TAKE THE OUT!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Key Lime Poo

Bad Desserts Are Pure Evil


This is the advertisement:
Grab the nearest hammock and kick back Key West style. Dive into layered flavors of tart key lime and creamy meringue. At 100 calories, it's worth taking the plunge.

This is the reality:

Scrape the nearest dumpster and kick back with some whale spooge that washed up on Key West! Dive into chemically-generated flavors of citric acid-infused Olestra and foamy Barbasol! At 100 calories, it's like Satan's dick-cheese in a cup!

Beyond nasty. Avoid at all costs!!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Occupy A Jail Cell!

Fun & Games At Tranquility Park

I saw in the local fishwrapper that several fleabaggers had gotten themselves busted for blocking a road. Guess they were protesting the greed of people trying to go home after work...

I got to chatting with one of the HPD officers who patrols the downtown district. We're both regulars at a downtown cigar shop, and we get to trade tales of dumb criminals and clueless bureaucrats. Or was it the other way around??

At any rate, he's been dealing with the Occupy Houston crowd for a while now, and had a few juicy stories to tell.

I asked him about a hypothetical situation. F'rinstance, if some concerned citizen were to pitch half a dozen pepper gas foggers in the midst of the fragrant horde in an effort to clear out the park, would that rise to the level of a felony? 'Cause the hypothetical citizen isn't the most athletic individual, doesn't move all that quickly, and would probably be caught by the on-duty officers.

He surmised that it would be a Class B misdemeanor at the most, but there was always the possibility that a crying screaming hippie might dart into traffic and get hit by a bus, in which case I... er... the hypothetical citizen would be pretty well f#cked.

Officer Friendly told me about how a bunch of fleabaggers chartered a bus to haul them down to the Federal Building to protest... well, something. The bus company was known for being a rat-bag POS operation, so someone decided to have TXDOT do a emergency roadside inspection. Turns out the bus driver wasn't licensed for commercial passengers, in addition to numerous safety issues, so the fleabaggers were stranded. Damn the bad luck!

Also, it turns out that there's a schism developing amongst the Occupy Houston protesters. It seems that half of the group is getting pretty upset about the other half's constant freeloading.

Oh, the irony. It is ironic...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Night & The City

I Need A Better Lens!

Here's a couple of shots of downtown after dark...

Monday, November 14, 2011

More Movies

Geez! You'd Think I'd Read A Book Once In A While...

OK, quick cinema update:

J. Edgar: Went to see it with some friends on Sunday. Typical piece of Clint Eastwood filmmaking. Nothing too flashy, and good storytelling. However, unless you've just got a hankering for films about pudgy paranoid closeted Feds, this might leave you cold.

Leonardo DiCaprio had a solid performance. You never doubted his ability to play the role. I'd give it 3 out of 5 stars.

Tracker: Found this one via Redbox. It's a Brit/Enzedd film set in 1903. The plot features a Afrikaner farmer/guerilla emigrating to New Zealand after the Boer War. He's hired to track down a Maori sailor accused of murdering a British soldier.

It's not a fast-paced film, but oh my heavens is it pretty! The NZ scenery is astounding. Kinda like Lord of the Rings, without all those damned hobbits mucking about.

Good performances by Ray Winstone & Temuera Morrison. Also good performances by a Mauser C96, 7mm Mauser rifle, and numerous Martini-Henry rifles.

4 out of 5 stars. If there had been gratuitous nudity of the Kiwi tart, or if someone had actually been perforated by the Broomhandle, then it would have gotten 5 stars!

The Good Thief: Don't miss this if you're a Nick Nolte or Neil Jordan fan. This is easily one of Nolte's best roles. It's a remake of a 1955 French film, and stars Nolte as a washed-up gambler and heroin addict trying for one last score. I caught this one in the art-house theater years back, and stumbled upon it at the used DVD store.

4 stars. Might have been only three stars due to the infestation of Frog actors, but since it's set in Monaco, what are you gonna do??

Bubba Ho-Tep: I am absolutely kicking myself for not seeing this film 10 years ago, and on a regular basis since!

B-grade horror film legend Bruce Campbell stars as Elvis Presley (Yes, the real Elvis!) stuck in a run-down nursing home in East Texas. His best friend (Ossie Davis) claims to be JFK, only he's been disguised as a black man to keep him under wraps.

Together, they fight a mummy that's preying on the residents of the nursing home.

This film's a hoot, and Campbell's one-liners are the best part! Don't miss it!

4 1/2 Stars! And remember... "Never, but never, fuck with the King!"

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Baby Orangutan Or El Capitan??

Suddenly, I'm Glad I'm Not A Redhead...

Upon arising from a Saturday afternoon/evening nap, I'm suddenly aware of the disconcerting resemblance between myself and a tiny orangutan, at least from the eyebrows on up.

The increasing expanse of bare scalp and the tendency for my remaining bedheaded hair to stick straight up is somewhat distressing. Might be time to start sleeping in a nightcap.

Or drinking several nightcaps until I no longer care...

Getting older. Feh.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night...

I'm Gonna Kick That Redbox For This POS!

...This movie sucks like a parasite.

Finally saw a few superhero movies on DVD.

Captain America wasn't too bad. Xmen: First Class would have been better, except for a squad of soldiers carrying M4 carbines in 1963.

Green Lantern? Bad, bad, bad...

It's hard to take seriously as a hero the guy who played Van Wilder. That bulldog humping the éclair scene scarred me for life.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Icky Creepy Things

Verdammt Shrecklich Öctenleggen!

Jeebus, but I hate me some spiders...

Despite my overwhelming fear and loathing towards the eight-legged nasties, I've been sharing the front porch with one for the past few weeks.

It's been wise enough to stay up out of the way, and spin its web so that it doesn't hang over the sidewalk or into the porch area, so I haven't had the need to go find a can of WD-40. Paired with a cigar lighter, compressed petrochemicals make a dandy way to BBQ yourself an arthropod from a safe distance.

This one seems to eat the swarming skeeters, so I've allowed an uneasy détente to exist in the human/arachnid standoff.

It doesn't spin a web every night, and I don't often see it catch anything.

It got something tonight, though, and I had my camera with me. I wasn't getting too close. These things can probably leap and spit venom, ya know... The body's about the size of a marble, the leg span's about the size of a half dollar.

Monday, November 07, 2011


To Be Verbose About It: Exercise Your Franchise, Or Stuff A Sock In Your Yap.

Sorry for the lack of content. I'm busy swotting up on all the constitutional amendments before I go yank the ballot levers tomorrow.

Actually, I've never yanked the lever. Kinda pissed about that. It's either been a Scan-tron form or an e-Slate ballot ever since I started voting in 1986.

Maybe I ought to move to a small podunk precint in HogWaller, TX just to see if they still have the old machines...

Friday, November 04, 2011

Random Friday Bits & Pieces

Leave Work 3 Hours Early? No, Not Me!!!

OK, I've never eaten a fistful of dried, salted junebugs, but I imagine that if I did eat a fistful of dried, salted junebugs, they couldn't taste any worse than these dry-roasted edamame beans.

I kinda like the fresh soybeans. The ones you microwave & they steam in the bag? Very tasty, high-protein and mix well with peas or some other veggie for a filling meal.

The dry-roasted kind? Not so much...


There was a rumor that Michael Moore was going to show up at the Occupy Houston protest today. He's signing a book here in H-town, and the fleabaggers camping out in Tranquility Park were supposed to get a visit from His Girthiness during their march on the eeevil capitalist banks.

I've been looking all week for a surplus tear gas launcher to rain chemical joy upon the hippies, but haven't had any luck. I may have to go to my fallback plan of hijacking a golf cart from the Downtown District maintenance gnomes and whilst wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, soak 'em all with a grizzly bear-strength pepper spray fogger while plowing through their accumulated filth piles.


Poker night tonight up at the Cisco Kid's place. I will probably lose a double fistful of nickels, dimes and quarters, but the losses rarely add up to more than the cost of a movie ticket & popcorn. Most nights, it's considerably more entertaining than what's playing in the theaters, too...


Enjoyed my dim sum lunch last week very much, but after reading this article, I'm kind of regretting the plate of tiny stir-fried octopi. I'm quite partial to all things cuttlefish-ish, squiddical, nautiloidinal and octopoidal. One of these days I'll spring for a salt-water tank and try keeping some multi-legged cephalopods.


I posted on Facebook about being able to buy a donkey for under $100. That wasn't just snark, you really can get donkeys for less than most puppies or kittens. I'd love to have a donkey or two. I doubt I could teach 'em to stomp squirrels, but they'd certainly keep the damn possums and raccoons out of the yard.

While my neighbors can hide their goose, it's much harder to conceal a donkey in an emergency. Those ears always stick out from under the quilt...

Thursday, November 03, 2011

More Questionable Doggerel

Because I Care!

When the cold wind blows and the bayou gets ripply,
I notice that the boobs on the wimmens gets nipply.

I'd offer to warm them through the applying of friction,
but I'd likely just get a sharp kick in the diction.

So keep your paws to yourself and temper your amusement,
Or you'll be sacked in a jiffy for sexual harassment!

Dunno why that popped in my head. Doesn't even rhyme very well...

Tuesday, November 01, 2011


Where'd I Leave Those Damn Sunglasses?

Been a while since you've seen 'They Live'?

Might be time for a rewatch.

The players have changed, but the game remains the same...