Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, May 31, 2012

When GRRM Saw 'Sweeney Todd'

If You Like Them, They Will DIE!!!!

Troubled by the way that George R. R. Martin keeps killing off the entire cast of 'Game of Thrones'???

Get used to it. He must have really liked the song 'Epiphany..."

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Desperation Advertising

How To Misjudge Your Target Audience

eBay, you need to chill the f#&k out...

In an effort to get you to spend more money, most of your online retailers will track what you've looked at and what you've ordered, and use that information to promote similar items.

Sometimes they get it right. I don't know how many times I've taken a flyer on a novel that Amazon recommended, and enjoyed the book.

OTOH, sometimes the algorithm is very VERY flawed.

F'rinstance, last week El Capitan ordered some underwear on eBay. Nothing fancy. Just some plain ol' tighty-whities.

Tuesday morning, look what is awaiting him in the "Recommendations" section:

Um.... No. Not only no, but HELL NO!! I can't even imagine trying to squeeze Mr. Happy and the twins into that $10 thong. Be like trying to stuff a woodchuck into a tube sock...

Besides, you ever seen a fat man in a banana-hammock? It'll take years off your life, I'm tellin' ya!!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Saturday Sloth

I Ain't Doin' $#!% Today...

To reflect my current mood, here's an appropriate animal:

In all honesty, I did consider going outside to clean out my truck, and perhaps hose off some of the accumulated mud, but upon cracking the window blind, the resulting blast of sunlight forced me to retreat.

Maybe tonight. Maybe.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Pocket Cannon

I Do Not Need This. Therefore, I Must Have It!!

Oh, man...

I'm due to receive my AR15 upper any day now, and I'm already finding new & exciting ways to piss away my retirement fund.

This just popped up on the Collector's Firearms website:

It's a TC Encore carbine in .308 Ackley Improved. It's basically a .308 Winchester with the case altered to increase powder capacity.

I've never been all that intrigued with the Contender, either in the pistol or carbine setup. Unless it's a black powder front-stuffer, I don't have a lot of interest in single-shot firearms.

OTOH, drop in a 16" stubby bull barrel with a compensator, and the fun begins!

Now, how much blood plasma do I need to sell to get $875??

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Chicken With A Side Of Penis

A Tale Of Two Appetites

I'll say this... Working for The Man is rarely dull!

A bit of a hoo-rah at one of the outlying facilities. I doubt it'll make headlines, but as the story was related to me, a bucket of fried chicken led to some exposed schlong & a fistfight in the lunchroom.

We've got a local chain of fried chicken purveyors known as Frenchy's. It's OK, I suppose, better than Popeye's, but I don't think that it's any better than Church's or KFC.

OK, it goes something like this:

Guy #1 walks in with a bucket of chicken. He shares chicken with Guy #2, Guy #3, and Guy #4, who have contributed towards the bucket of said chicken.

Guy #5 sits down, looks at his forlorn PB & J sammich, and covets that hot, steaming fried chicken. Guy #5 makes a remark along the lines of "Damn, I'd suck a dick for a piece of that chicken."

Guy #3 reaches in the bucket, grabs a leg and tosses it to Guy #5. Guy #5 eats piece of fried chicken, and slurps the meat off the bone.

Guy #3 stands up, says "Pay up, bitch! Slurp this bone!!" and unleashes by what most accounts was a prize-winning schlong. Guy #3 waves aforementioned schlong in Guy #5's face, and seemed to honestly expect Guy #5 to perform fellatio in the lunchroom.

Guy #5 tries to punch Guy #3 in the groinal-crotchable area, but misses. Guy #3, in fine cockfighting form, aims a thrust with his waggling genitalia to taunt Guy #5.

Guy #5 leaps backward to avoid contact with the rampant pantaloon python. He backs into the lunchroom table, upending it and the bucket of chicken.

This enrages Guy #1, Guy #2, & Guy #4, who blame Guy #2 and Guy #5 equally, and a donnybrook ensues.

In the end, no dicks were sucked, most of the chicken was wasted, and all 5 will most likely get a 2 week suspension.

El Capitan will most likely be spending the next month touring remote facilities reminding The Man's peons to keep their tallywhackers under wraps while on the job...

Monday, May 21, 2012

Stop It! Just... STOP IT!!!

What Are You People, On Dope???

OK, enough with the Mendelian pick-up sticks!

First, it's the nekkid Mexican dogs.

Then, it's hairless rats.

Next, you get the bald cats.

This, however, is just too much!!

The world does NOT need hairless Guinea pigs!!

You sick bastards...

Friday, May 18, 2012

Fanboy Dilemma

Hey, It Could Be More Guns...

Well, it's payday again, and I need some advice before I piss my money away in another ill-advised scheme.

The Movie Geek in me has awoken, and I feel the need for mementos of famous flicks.

Can't buy 'em all. Must make a choice.

Bonus points if you can identify the items and the films from which they come!




Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Project EBR - Almost There!

I'll Quit Procrastinating Next Week!!

Wow, talk about things stuck on the back burner...

I last posted about Project EBR in January of 2011. Since then, I've done precisely Jack & Shit towards completing it.
(If you don't want to follow the link, Project Evil Black Rifle is my AR-15 build)

Oh, I've done lots of catalogue & web shopping, but I could never quite get everything lined up to my satisfaction before pulling the trigger, so to speak.

Part of it was just the overwhelming array of possibilities. Part of it was trying to stay under $650 for the upper and bolt assembly. Part of it was modified usage of Shepard's Prayer ("Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up!").


I think I've got it all ironed out. I'm down to two choices for the upper:

1) Spikes Tactical 16" Midlength - Total Price - $579 + shipping
- Offered exclusively through AIM Surplus, this is probably going to get the nod, if for no other reason than I've already got a Spikes lower.

•Spike's Tactical M4 flat top upper receiver, Machined from a 7075 T6 Mil-Spec Forging with Mil-Spec Type III Hard coat Anodized finish, T-markings, Spike’s logo and M4 feed ramps.
• Barrel is certified MIL-B-11595E CMV, M4 barrel extension, Chrome chamber and bore, 5.56mm Nato chamber, 1:7 Twist, Magnetic particle testing on every barrel, Phosphate finish.
•Light-weight Contour barrel with pinned and melonited low profile mid-length gas system.
•Barrel is Phosphate finished under the .625" F marked A2 front sight base with stainless steel plug set at the rifle length handguard position.
•The M16 carriers are Chrome lined with a Mil-Spec phosphate finish.
•Forged Mil-Spec carrier key, Chrome lined, attached with Grade 8 hardware and Properly staked.
•HP/MP Tested Bolt, Each extractor is fitted with a Mil-Spec black insert and Mil-Spec Viton o-ring.
•Magpul MOE heat shield lined black handguards.
•A2 Flash Hider.

2) Palmetto State Armory 16" Midlength Dissipator - Total Price - $587.90 + shipping

Barrel length 16"
Hammer Forged Barrel
Machine Gun Steel
5.56 Nato Chamber
1 in 7" twist
Double-thick Chrome-lined bore and chamber
A2 profile
Mid length gas system
M4 feedramps
Forged upper
Full auto bolt carrier
Carpenter 158 Bolt
Magpul Backup Rear Sight

AIM has a distressing habit of being Out Of Stock, so when & if that travel reimbursement check from The Man ever shows up, I may do the Palmetto upper if AIM has bare shelves when it comes time to push the "Order" button.

At any rate, I've got to get this done before we get any closer to the fall election!

The Box It Came In

Old-Timey Stuff

Ran across this photo the other day. It was taken at a WWII-era aircraft manufacturing plant.

(Click pic to embiggenate!)

Ignore the gal playing with the aluminum lathe scrap. Apparently no one bothered to tell her that stuff is razor sharp, and if there's any steel in there, it'll have a nice film of sulfur-rich cutting oil that'll never come out of that wool dress...

No, what caught my eye are the huge crates in the background. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me that Vought, North American, Boeing, Douglas and all the other plane manufacturers had to have the engines shipped from Pratt & Whitney or Wright or even Rolls Royce, and you just don't strap a huge radial engine to a wooden pallet!

In toy collecting, you always get the top price for having it in the original packaging. I wonder how much you could get for a Cyclone still in the original crate?

Monday, May 14, 2012

Weekend Update

Cementing My Place In The Neighborhood

After weeks of tromping though the mud, I have a driveway!!

Despite some persistent rain, the construction wallahs managed to pour the driveway Friday afternoon. By Saturday night it was walkable, and today it's pretty well cured.

I'm surprised that it isn't peppered with dozens of kitten, goat and rat terrier tracks, but I suppose the sprinkling of quicklime kept them at bay.

Damn! Forgot to add my buttprint...

Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Funnies

Giggles From AlGore's InterWebs

Drink one of each for your own special Lost Weekend!!

Paddle faster! I hear banjos!!

There's some sick, sick mofos out there...

Bring Us... A Catnip Shrubbery!!

Wednesday, May 09, 2012


I Need One Of These Mounted On My Pickup Truck...

OK, kiddies! Today's fun piece of shootable hardware is a re-purposed Browning M1919 .30 caliber machine gun!

It's also a bit of a history lesson. It's inventor was a USMC Medal of Honor recipient!

The story goes something like this:

Tony Stein was a corporal with the 28th Marines on Iwo Jima. Sometime during his island-hopping campaigning, he "liberated" a .30 cal M1919 AN/M2 from a downed Dauntless dive bomber.

A former toolmaker, Stein figured out how to attach the buttstock & rear sights from an M1 Garand, and the bipod from a M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle, and created a man-portable buzz-saw dubbed "The Stinger".

Unlike the infantry version of the M1919, the Army/Navy version used in the Stinger was meant for aircraft. It weighed less, and had a much higher rate of fire. So, instead of the usual 400-600 rounds per minute, the M1919 AN/M2 tore through ammo belts at over 1200 RPM!

Here's Tony Stein's Medal of Honor citation:

Rank and organization: Corporal, U.S. Marine Corps Reserve.
Born: 30 September 1921, Dayton, Ohio.
Accredited to: Ohio.

Citation: For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving with Company A, 1st Battalion, 28th Marines, 5th Marine Division, in action against enemy Japanese forces on Iwo Jima, in the Volcano Islands, 19 February 1945.

The first man of his unit to be on station after hitting the beach in the initial assault, Cpl. Stein, armed with a personally improvised aircraft-type weapon, provided rapid covering fire as the remainder of his platoon attempted to move into position. When his comrades were stalled by a concentrated machinegun and mortar barrage, he gallantly stood upright and exposed himself to the enemy's view, thereby drawing the hostile fire to his own person and enabling him to observe the location of the furiously blazing hostile guns.

Determined to neutralize the strategically placed weapons, he boldly charged the enemy pillboxes 1 by 1 and succeeded in killing 20 of the enemy during the furious single-handed assault.

Cool and courageous under the merciless hail of exploding shells and bullets which fell on all sides, he continued to deliver the fire of his skillfully improvised weapon at a tremendous rate of speed which rapidly exhausted his ammunition. Undaunted, he removed his helmet and shoes to expedite his movements and ran back to the beach for additional ammunition, making a total of 8 trips under intense fire and carrying or assisting a wounded man back each time.

Despite the unrelenting savagery and confusion of battle, he rendered prompt assistance to his platoon whenever the unit was in position, directing the fire of a half-track against a stubborn pillbox until he had effected the ultimate destruction of the Japanese fortification. Later in the day, although his weapon was twice shot from his hands, he personally covered the withdrawal of his platoon to the company position.

Stouthearted and indomitable, Cpl. Stein, by his aggressive initiative sound judgment, and unwavering devotion to duty in the face of terrific odds, contributed materially to the fulfillment of his mission, and his outstanding valor throughout the bitter hours of conflict sustains and enhances the highest traditions of the U.S. Naval Service.

And, of course, the Stinger itself:

(Click pic for embiggification!)

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Staring Down That Gift Horse's Throat

Dragged Kicking & Screaming Into The Future...

So, I found out you can revert to the old Blogger interface by clicking on the gear thingie and choosing "old Blogger interface" off the menu.

Oh, happy day!!

Then I saw this:

Damn. Kinda like Facebook's Timeline, we get it whether we want it or not.

Sigh. I really wanted to avoid Wordpress and all the associated hosting and spam headaches.

I'm still not sure what to do about Haloscan comments shutting down this fall.

Heh. Well, it's not like I get a flood of comments as it is!

UPDATE: The "old" Blogger interface is not without its quirks. There seem to be some odd spacing issues, and embedded pics can really wonk up your layout...

Monday, May 07, 2012

Monday Mac

Fun Toys For Financially Solvent Boys

Here's yet another unsolicited ad campaign for my favorite gun shop!!

Never fired, still has the box it shipped in!
Military Armament Corp Ingram M10 .45 ACP caliber pistol. New in box pre-86 machine gun with retractable wire stock, front strap, cleaning rod, loader, one magazine and original box. Made in 1972, still in cosmolene.

This thing will turn dollars into noise like nobody's business. With a rate of fire over 1100 rpm, this will empty that 30 round mag in about the time it took you to read this sentence.

Of course, you'll be scrubbing for a year to get all that cosmolene off, but as they say, it adds character...


Only $5000 plus the usual Class III fees and red tape!

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Saturday Silly $h!t

This Post Will Self-Destruct In 10 Seconds...

Random funnies pulled off the InTarWebZ

Friday, May 04, 2012

Concrete Results

The Slow March Of Progress

Well, so much for living off the grid...

They poured the concrete since I snapped that pic, so I won't be able to help you dispose of any bodies underneath it.

Actually, it would be quite hard to dig a hole in all that, the rebar grid notwithstanding.  It's been packed firm, leveled, graded, and treated with lime and a few other nasty chemicals for stability.

I've been hiking through my neighbor's yard for the past week.  I'm looking forward to getting my spot under the oak tree once again.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Not Sure About This New Neighbor

Where'd I Leave That Cabrito Recipe???

Got home yesterday afternoon to see that the neighbors had a new dog, and it had escaped from the back yard.

Waitaminnit...  That's not a Brittany spaniel!!

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

The Problem Of Peddlers

More Fun With The Man

God save me from the attentions of an enthusiastic salesman.

Especially the clueless ones...

In my line of work, I get pestered occasionally by someone flogging a product.  I work in XX field, their product is for recipients of XX field's oversight, so Hey Presto!  Sell it to the oversight guy, and we'll all get rich!!

Er, not so much.

See, I have absolutely sweet F.A. to do with procurement.  You'd need to go talk to another department entirely.  My budget covers... well, nothing.  I even have to "borrow" office supplies from Finance & Accounting when their admin goes on her lunch break and leaves the cabinet unguarded.

The second thing is the assumption that I can trot right down the hall and buttonhole the correct guy on your behalf.

Heh.  As if...

I ran into this problem a lot when I was doing tech support.  The average caller just assumed that everyone in the Compania de Manzana Computadoras resided in one big facility, and if I couldn't fix their issue, I'd just go scare up a software engineer in the next room.

The Man employs over 22,000 warm bodies.  I know that's not a lot of people in the grand scheme of things, but from one peon's perspective, it's a metric assload of people.  In 8 years with The Man, I suppose I know 300 people fairly well, and I can pick another 200 out of a crowd.   The guy that's in charge of buying left-handed concrete chippers?  Not a clue, pal.

The other thing that the salesman doesn't grasp is how little The Man gets his own fingers dirty with construction projects.  If we farm out the work to the lowest bidder, we're not buying anything at all.  Best set up a booth at a trade show and hope the right people attend.

Also, the ethics issue.  I don't know you (or your product) well enough to recommend it to anyone, much less an exec-level flack with the keys to the petty cash box.  There's no benefit to me to go running around chasing down who you ought to be talking to.  And, no, tossing an envelope full of Benjamins on my desk won't help.  I'm not going to piss away a million dollars in future income for a weekend in Shreveport.

So, take a hike, Willy Loman.  I've got better things to do with my time!