Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, May 23, 2014

Hark! Ye Longe Weekend Approacheth!

Time To Sleep For 72 Hours!!

For those laboring on behalf of The Man, we're at the end of one of our long dry spells without an official vacation day.  The winter season's full of them, but between MLK Day in February & Memorial Day in late May is a pretty far stretch.

So, three days off to do as we will.  Hopefully some will attend some actual memorials instead of succumbing to the pleas to go out and PURCHASE!!!  that accompanies every other holiday.

Me?  Sunday's Race Day.  Indy 500.  Look for me over at Cigar Towne on Eldridge, where I'll be soaked into a leather chair with suitable refreshment for the event.

Other than that?  Probably helping the parents with poodle training.  Coco's not quite grasping the concept that dogs only piss outdoors...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Bad Idea, Dude...

"The Eff-Up, You Noob, Was Blowin' In The Tube..."

As one of The Man's traveling circus clowns, I occasionally get to hobnob with some of the other wandering souls that ooze through the Realm dispensing wit & wisdom in questionable quantities.

Policy training, safety training, equipment training, they've all got their high & low points.  Each one shares a common theme.  Sometimes one or more members of your audience is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice...

Heard a good one today.  Seems one of The Man's more...  er... regulatory... departments had some equipment training featuring that wonderful gizmo that will tell you approximately how much alcohol you've consumed merely by blowing into it.

As the class progressed, each student was asked to demonstrate to show they knew how the various buttons & dials worked.

Nary a red light or warning beep to be seen, until right there at the end.  Some hapless schmuck stood up before the entire room and blew a BAC of .17%.


He's now on suspension, pending termination for being drunk on the job.

Y'know, you'd think as soon as the class started and you knew you were rockin' a hefty buzz, you'd "come down with the stomach flu" and get the fuck out.

Hell, at least have a bottle of Scope in your locker...

Friday, May 16, 2014

How To Calm A Savage Baboon

Now All I Need Is A Shot Of Bourbon!

Man, I had such a gripe building up...

I was all set to rant & rave in a blogpost today.

It's all gone now.

Traveled across town to an offsite meeting.  Despite a late start, I had time to stop for gas and still got there in plenty of time.  Got a great parking spot, too.

The potentially long & tedious meeting broke up after only 30 minutes.  I'm still not sure I even needed to be there, but I spoke my piece and answered questions from the seemingly appreciative group.

Pulled into Sonic for an icy cold drink & a quick lunch on the way back to the office.  They had two drive-thru lanes, and I got the "quick" one.  Yay!

Somehow their billing system collapsed just as my order was ready.  Rather than make me wait for a reboot, they comped my lunch.  Double Yay!

Got a primo parking spot in The Man's lot, & shuttle bus was there lickety-split.

No pending emails or phone calls upon return to office.

And, it's payday.

*sigh*  (waves of contentment)

This won't last, of course...  Still, I'm enjoying the moment.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Your Cross To Bear

Who's The Patron Saint Of Shin Splints?

Houston may be a miserably hot, moist city, but it's damn sure never dull.  There's always something new to see..

For the second time in a week, I've been taking my usual route home through Memorial Park, and spotted a Cross-bearer taking the Via Dolorosa around the jogging path.

Mixed in with all the joggers, walkers, dogs, strollers and assorted health nuts, here's a guy in running togs dragging a huge crucifix around the park.

Well, I say dragging.  Not really.  And therein lies my gripe.

It's a big chunk of lumber, solidly constructed out of 4x4s. Probably measures a good 10 feet in height.  However, on the lower part of the cross is mounted a large wheel, presumably to aid in the carting of the load.

OK, putting a wheel on it keeps you from tearing up the turf and whatnot from the act of dragging.  I can see that.

There's also the shoulder pad.  Nestled in one corner of the upright is what appears to be a professionally done cushion.  I couldn't see exactly what it was made of, but my guess is leather or naugahyde. (those poor naugas...)

Now, far be it from me to tell you how to wear your hair shirt, but it seems to me that if you want to drag around a life-size crucifix, you'd limit yourself to a small towel for padding.  Seems to me some pain and discomfort would be part of the deal.

Perhaps I'm wrong.  Any professional cross-bearers out there, please set me straight!

Friday, May 09, 2014

Proof Of Other Dimensions?

That, Or My Eyesight Is Worse Than I Thought...

Oh, I am *SO* annoyed right now...

I'm working on a model kit while waiting for the inevitable post-5 PM crisis phone call that always comes in on a Friday afternoon.

The best thing about models is that they can be done over time, and you can set 'em aside as needed if the crisis actually becomes a crisis.

Anyway,  I've just shat in my own punchbowl...

Dropped a part onto the carpet, and it's left this dimension for another.

Now, admittedly, it's a tiny part.  These models average under 4 inches long, so the typical part size is smaller than a fingernail, but even so...  They're made of shiny stainless steel, and against a dark carpet, you'd think it would show up.

Nope, gone forever, I fear...

Well, little part, don't be afraid.  You'll soon meet up with all my other disappeared items from the past years.  Wrap up in an old tube sock, put on those folding Porsche sunglasses and relax...

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Once Upon A Grimm

Watchin' The TV Until Me Eyeballs Bleed

I just gotta be me....

Which basically means I can't do anything the easy way.  Instead of watching TV shows as they come out, I wait until 2-3 seasons have gone by and then binge-watch until I'm caught up.

Since the primacy of streaming video services, DVDs are getting pretty cheap, and they're still my preferred method of viewing.  Plus, you can sell 'em back to someone else via FeeBay, though you're almost guaranteed a 1/3 discount over purchase price.

Anyway, a bit of compare & contrast on two shows I've been watching, 'Once Upon A Time' & 'Grimm'.

Typical of Hollywood, if one network or studio has a specific property, another will copy it in short order.  We've had dual Volcano movies, dual asteroid strike movies, even dual White House hijacking movies.  These people live for the FUD factor...

'Once Upon A Time' Season One went first.  Basic plot is an extended riff on all the major Disney fairy tales, with side jaunts into some obscure legends.   It's more kid/family oriented.  Enjoyable, and a nice babe-alicious factor, but I don't know if I'm willing to sit through Season Two.

'Grimm', OTOH, is definitely for adults.  More sex, violence and complicated plotlines.  The story here is that all those fairy tales are real, and only a few humans ("Grimms") can see through the veil and recognize the beasties for what they are.

I'm kinda digging Grimm.  You might give it a watch and see for yourself!

Friday, May 02, 2014

Bits & Chunks

And They're All Nice & Juicy!

Here's a bunch of stuff that don't quite add up to a full blogpost on their own:

Passed a milestone of sorts on eBay, but I'm not sure that's a good thing.  Got awarded a "purple star" for achieving a score of 500 in positive feedback.

It's good in that I suppose it means I can be trusted to pay my bills, but DAMN!!  500 transactions on FleaBay??  My book collection is just out of control...   Member since 1999, so that breaks down to 33 a year or so.  Almost 3 orders a month?  Well, that ain't so bad, I suppose.  Let's just not add in the Amazon orders, too...

Movie recommendation:  'Odd Thomas' - Based on a book of the same name by Dean Koontz, it's about a kid that sees dead people.  Only then he doesn't whine about it to Bruce Willis, he hunts down the killers!   Odd, played by the same actor that was Pavel Chekov in the recent Star Trek reboot, is a likeable fry cook in a small California town with a smokin' hot girlfriend and a singular talent for attracting dead spirits.

The book is better, but they always are.  Still, the movie really captured the spirit of the book, and it's a fun way to spend an evening.  Should be in your local Redbox.

I've acquired a nice travel blanket via to compensate for the meatlocker climate in my office/cubicle at work.  There's a vent right above me that spews out frozen air, and even this fat guy gets tired of goosebumps.

It's a down blanket, which gets you toasty warm really quick, but the slick nylon shell slides off you if you move around too much.  Also, until the seams tighten up through use, I end the day covered with tiny pinfeathers...