Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, December 30, 2004

More Smelly Stuff

As long as we're talking about smelly stuff... that last post got me thinking about perfumes and colognes in my past.

Just for giggles and possible abuse from my friends regarding my terrible taste and susceptibility to marketing campaigns, here's a brief timeline of El Capitan's colognes-of-choice, from 1982 to 2030. All dates approximate, plus or minus a few months.

1980 - English Leather (C'mon, it's not like I knew any better...)

1982 - English Leather Lime (Tired of smelling like a saddle)

1983 - Stetson (Screw this English stuff... USA! USA! USA!!)

1984 - Ralph Lauren Polo (Just like every other kid in those years)

1985 - The Baron (Gift from girlfriend's parents...guess they were tired of Polo! Surprisingly, this is still a favorite of mine)

1986 - Aramis (Hey, We're college men now! Time for a manly cologne!)

1987 - Ralph Lauren Chaps (Back to the Manly Western thing.)

1988 - Cool Water (Tired of Manly smells... Just want something that smells OK)

1990 - Drakkar Noir (Cool commercials! No help with the ladies, though...)

1994 - Passion for Men ( Probably the first time image played no role in the purchase... it just smelled nice)

1998 - Escada (The girl behind the sales counter was really cute. Major impulse buy!)

2000 - Maker's Mark Bourbon (Done on a dare, worked better than expected. She was a lush, though...)

2002 - Whatever my soap & shampoo smell like. Who the F$*& am I kidding with the spendy toilet water?

2004 - Given up completely. No doubt I leave a faint aroma trail of used litterbox, cheap bourbon and unleaded gasoline.

2005 - Who knows? Probably back to English Leather. It's certainly cheap these days.

2015 - Cheaper Bourbon and Desperation (a stinky cologne! See Super Troopers for this joke)

2020 - Back to Drakkar Noir and spilled cheap beer while teaching my nephew to be cool and drink a lot.

2025 - Ben Gay and Ensure meal replacement drink spilled on clothes.

2030 - Metamucil/bourbon mix and Eau De Depends