Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, February 11, 2005

A Public Service Message

Just so everyone is aware, if you possess a Swingline 444 Desk Stapler, and the stapler jams up, you should definitely not try to clear the jam. Just throw it in the garbage and get a new one.

See, if you try to clear the jam, you might be tempted to open it up and remove all the staples. If you did that, you'd have a false sense of security, since you assume you have an unloaded weapon.

If, in your effort to clear the jam, you feel the need for extra leverage, just bang the damn thing on your desk. Do not attempt to just squeeze harder. If you did that, you might be tempted to use two hands, and one stray index finger might accidentally move in front of the staple ejection port.

If you ignore the above warnings, and try squeezing your stapler as hard as you can, two-handed with one stray index finger accidentally in front of the staple ejection port, be sure you have small skinny fingers, so that when the jammed staple lets loose, the sharp points of the staple neatly bypass your finger on either side, instead of burying itself all the way to the crossbar in your flesh.

If, however, you are the possessor of big ol' meaty fingers, be sure your tetanus booster shots are up to date. Also, do not be tempted to reach for the fanged staple remover. It'll just make matters worse.

I'm going back to paper clips. This newfangled technology is a bit painful.