Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, April 25, 2008


Verbum Sapienti Gothicus Satis Est

Look, it's tough growing up fat. I know this from experience. It's not going to get any easier as you get older, either. Making life even more difficult for yourself just isn't a very bright idea.

So, please, take fifty cents worth of free advice...


What, are you completely deranged? Do you get your jollies from jocks yanking the waistband of your size 54 Fruit of the Looms over your head every afternoon? How the fuck are you expecting to get a job looking like that?

And the dogcollar and leash!!! Jeezus H. Tapdancing Christ!!! I mean, the two dyed ponytails already make you look like a convict's bitch, but do you have to go into that role willingly?

Look, it's one thing to dress up gothy for a night out clubbing. Doing it as a lifestyle really only works if you're cave-dweller pale and weigh no more than 102 lbs., male OR female. Especially female. Ladies, those corset panels aren't supposed to have so much cordage in the laceholes that you could use 'em to hoist a mainsail! I'm just sayin', is all...

I'm not even going to address the midget in the Insane Clown Posse shirt. If you're a Juggalo, I can't even begin to pull you back from that pit of despair.

"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." - John Wayne