Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, August 22, 2008

Truly Useful Body Mods

$10 Says The Hildebeest Has Her Vajayjay Pierced...

There was a list over on the List Universe on the 10 weirdest body mods. You know, things like split tongues, filed-down teeth, and jingle bells implanted in your hoo-hah.

Naturally, that got me thinking about body mods that would truly be worth having. Things that are not quite in the cyborg/bionic arena, just modifications that are somewhat do-able in this day and age.


How about a teflon-coated asscrack? Now even the messiest crap can be sparkly-clean in one quick pass of the buttwipe!

For the guys, an expandable urethra that dilates when you pee, along with a spring-loaded bladder. No more long drawn-out pissing sessions, and no more shaking the last few drops out. Nope, you aim, relax and WHAM! One quart of pee hammers out in an instant, completely emptying your bladder. Imagine the piss-shiver on that one...

Or maybe a flip-up nose, for those days when you're tired of digging for that booger that's glued way back toward your sinuses, and is making that damned whistling sound every time you breathe!

Some people might like to have their toenails deactivated. Actually, *I* would like to see certain people have their toenails deactivated. There's some scary-ass talons growing on the feetses out there. We manage to de-horn cattle to keep their horns from growing. Horn and toenails are both made of keratin, so there's gotta be a similar method.

Perhaps something mechanical? A bit-driver socket installed in a thumb would be pretty darn useful. You could keep a few screwdriver and hexdriver bits stored in a sub-dermal pouch, and never have to go hunting for a screwdriver again.

I've heard of magnets implanted under the skin for eyeglasses to cling to, eliminating the earpiece. Dunno how reliable that is, though.

What body mods would you be willing to have done?