Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Angry Eyes

Bloodshot? More Like Bloodmachinegunned!

In an all-too-common moment of drunken candor, I was told a story by the lead singer of the band I used to roadie for back in the 90's. He said "Cap, you just ain't lived a full life until the day you find yourself buck-assed nekkid laying on a cold tile floor in the bathroom, your feet propped on either side of the sink, as you attempt to shave your own asshole!"

He'd caught a pretty good dose of the crabs, it seems, and it was either deny them a place to hang out, or resort to the scorched-taint method...

I've never had a mess of arthropods (or any other wildlife) reside in my crotchable area, but I'd almost prefer it to this damned case of pinkeye.

Pinkeye, aka conjunctivitis, is where the surface of your eyeball and the inside of your eyelids get inflamed due to allergies or infection. This condition sucks big hairy monkey balls.

I'm on the downhill side now. Usually it only lasts 2-3 days. Sunday night was the absolute worst. Imagine not being able to tell which was worse, having your eyes open, or keeping them shut. I ended up literally sitting on my hands to keep from scratching my eyes out of my skull, it itched so bad.

Adding to the misery was the gobs of goop pouring out of my tearducts. Even when you got the worst of it blotted off with a moist cloth, a thin film remained on the surface of the eye, making reading or watching TV a useless endeavour. Remember when you were a kid and spent way too long in a chlorinated pool, and your vision got all cloudy? Same deal, only it went on for most of the night, and it was 5 times worse.

I've got to go buy a gallon of Visine after work. Some liquid cocaine drops wouldn't be amiss, either, but I'll bet that's not on the shelf at Walgreen's...