Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

More Mini Movie Reviews!

Like Real Movie Reviews, Only Smaller!

Here's the latest roundup of flicks I've recently viewed. All should be available through Netflix or at your local purveyor of rentable movies.

1. 'The Spirit' - A dismal dump of a movie, trying to imitate & thereby capitalize on the success of '300' and 'Sin City'. Based on the comic strip by Will Eisner, it's a pain to sit through, and even some hammy scene-chewing by Samuel L. Jackson fails to liven up this gloomfest. Pass this one by.

2. 'Transporter 3' - OK, I'm embarassed to admit I rented this one. I should have quit the Transporter franchise after the first movie... The car stunts aren't as good, the fight scenes are kind of humdrum, and the love interest is a butterface PITA. Jason Statham has a wry, low-key sense of humor about the entire affair. He deserves a better vehicle than this flick.

3. 'The Wrestler' - Holy shit, Mickey Rourke can actually act! This is a fascinating film, not just for the interaction between Rourke and co-stars Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood, but for the light it shines on the seedy underside of the professional wrestling circuit. Painful to watch at times, it's an unflinching look at a man desperately clinging to the only life he knows, aware that the end is creeping up faster than he can prepare for it. This one's worth watching, and not just for Tomei's nekkid rack. That's a huge plus, though...

4. 'Taken' - Ex-CIA "problem solver" Liam Neeson's daughter flies to Paris, gets kidnapped by Albanian slavers and sold to sleazy Ay-rabs. This annoys Liam Neeson to a great degree. Moral of the film? Don't fuck with Liam Neeson's daughter. Even without Qui-Gon Jinn's lightsaber, Neeson kicks all kinds of Albanian and Arab ass all over Paris. You got your kung-fu, gun-fu, knife-fu, Jeep-fu, & alternating current-fu. Extremely farfetched plot twists, but for those not too fond of Arabs or Albanians, it's a fun show.

5. 'Traitor' - Ex-Special Forces demolitions expert Samir Horn hooks up with Islamo-baddies, and Kaboom-age ensues. But is everything what it seems? Starring Don Cheadle, it's a fast-moving tale of terror and espionage. Good supporting roles by Guy Pearce and Neal McDonough as FBI agents. Don Cheadle's one of my favorite actors working today, and brings a lot to the role of the conflicted Samir. Well worth watching, especially for the big kaboom at the end. I have to admit, I didn't see that coming...

6. 'Zack & Miri Make A P()rno' - It's a Kevin Smith film! Of course I enjoyed it! OK, for those not living in the View Askew-niverse, Zack & Miri (played by Seth Rogen & Elizabeth Banks) are two underemployed slackers so behind on the bills they resort to making a p()rn film for quick cash. The initial idea ("Star Whores"!) goes awry, and a forced change of filming locale to Rogen's coffee shop workplace sparks the idea for "Swallow my Cockuccino".
It's rude, it's crude, and it's completely hilarious. Real-life p()rn stars Traci Lords and Katie Morgan add to the fun, and Jason Mewes is a riot as Lester "The Molester" Cockenschtuff, who wants his p()rno name to be "Pete Jones".

I'm El Capitan, and until next time, the balcony is now closed...