Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, November 18, 2011

Occupy A Jail Cell!

Fun & Games At Tranquility Park

I saw in the local fishwrapper that several fleabaggers had gotten themselves busted for blocking a road. Guess they were protesting the greed of people trying to go home after work...

I got to chatting with one of the HPD officers who patrols the downtown district. We're both regulars at a downtown cigar shop, and we get to trade tales of dumb criminals and clueless bureaucrats. Or was it the other way around??

At any rate, he's been dealing with the Occupy Houston crowd for a while now, and had a few juicy stories to tell.

I asked him about a hypothetical situation. F'rinstance, if some concerned citizen were to pitch half a dozen pepper gas foggers in the midst of the fragrant horde in an effort to clear out the park, would that rise to the level of a felony? 'Cause the hypothetical citizen isn't the most athletic individual, doesn't move all that quickly, and would probably be caught by the on-duty officers.

He surmised that it would be a Class B misdemeanor at the most, but there was always the possibility that a crying screaming hippie might dart into traffic and get hit by a bus, in which case I... er... the hypothetical citizen would be pretty well f#cked.

Officer Friendly told me about how a bunch of fleabaggers chartered a bus to haul them down to the Federal Building to protest... well, something. The bus company was known for being a rat-bag POS operation, so someone decided to have TXDOT do a emergency roadside inspection. Turns out the bus driver wasn't licensed for commercial passengers, in addition to numerous safety issues, so the fleabaggers were stranded. Damn the bad luck!

Also, it turns out that there's a schism developing amongst the Occupy Houston protesters. It seems that half of the group is getting pretty upset about the other half's constant freeloading.

Oh, the irony. It is ironic...