Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Sunday, October 31, 2004

The broom was jumped...

Well, that was quite a trip. Haven't added up all the bills yet for gas, food, hotel, LIQUOR!!! and all, but whatever the cost, it was well worth it.

Arrived at Rockhauler's Beagle Repository and Child Care Center just after 10 pm Friday, and promptly knocked on the wrong door, waking up kids, his brother, and an extremely yappy weiner dog. Seems Rockhauler decamped the garage apartment without warning me first. After the mandatory coat of beagle fur was applied to me & my possessions, I became one with the couch until awakened the next morning by a cold beagle nose strategically applied to the small of my back where my shirt was untucked. That'll jolt you awake pretty quick.

Next morning we went out sightseeing in the PimpSled, checking out most of Tarrant County in the vain hope of finding a used bookstore I used to frequent. We found a bulldozed empty lot in the approximate area, and fear the worst.
Next stop was Angelo's BBQ, for a plate of the best ribs on earth. I know that's a bold claim, but these are truly Ribs Of The Gods. No sauce necessary. So good you almost carry out the stripped bones to suck on the rest of the afternoon. Nothing compares to these ribs, not K.C. BBQ or Memphis 'cue. I won't even relate this Sacred Texas Ambrosia with the abominations done in the Carolinas, where Minions of Satan profane the Holy Pig by sprinkling vinegar on its cooked flesh in a debauched baptismal ritual.

After procuring hired lodgings within easy weaving distance of the wedding site, it was off to Arlington for dinner with another friend from jobs past, and then off to see 'Team America'. Pretty funny movie, but you'd best have a thick skin and good sense of perverted humor to fully appreciate it.

After killing time in Half-Price books for an hour or so after parting ways with the Deanster, I headed over to the wedding site and got there about 11:15 p.m. It was held in some sort of New Age Habitat. I read the office directory inside the main building, and it listed lots of people with unrecognizable letter combinations behind their names, (which seem to indicate a need for the respect a PhD or MD brings, but for which sufficient schooling was not achieved) and organizations like "Center for Mind/Body/Soul Expansion" and "Aromatherapy Recovery Society". OK, I'm making that up, but they weren't that far off. In truth, it was a lot of Certified Social Workers who probably do a little bit of good, and probably no real harm to folks who need that kind of belief structure. I know, I know, always Mr. Skeptical here....

The wedding was nice, with a large crowd of folks who truly wished the couple well. It's nice to see that, and it adds to the joy of the day in a way that perfunctory attendance by indifferent relatives never achieves.

The ceremony started with two satyrs (male and female... More on her later...) ringing bells all around the ceremony site. I surmise it was to welcome happy spirits or scare off the cheeky ones. They also waved a lot of incense and generally pranced about like... goats.

The groom wore black (and looked like a slightly Goth version of Skywalker in Return of the Jedi), and the bride wore red velvet dress with black embroidery (or some dark color, Hell, it was dark and outdoors...) and a black corset/bustier contraption. The whole bridal rig was topped with a small veil which was thankfully worn back so Jenni's radiant smile was on full display.

The processional was Pachelbel's Canon. The ceremony was presided over by a Wiccan priestess, or whatever they call themselves. It was mercifully short. Not that I wouldn't have gladly sat (and kneeled, and rose, and sat & kneeled...) through a full Roman Catholic Mass for J & B, but IMHO it shows a lot of thoughtfulness on the part of the bride & groom for a standing room only crowd when the ceremony is kept to a minimum. After the incense waving, candle lighting and exchange of vows, it was a done deed. The couple strode down the aisle as a newly married pair, to the best wedding recessional I've EVER heard.

The "Imperial March" by John Williams, from the 'Star Wars' trilogy. A truly inspired selection! Bravo!

Afterwards there was the usual traditions of a wedding, the toast, the first dance, the tossing of bouquet and garter (where I was nominated for the Most Stylish Avoidal of Falling Garter award for my Baryshnikov-like glissade out of the line of fire.)

OK, the satyrette... There was lots and lots of eye-candy at the wedding. From the green fairy flitting about in a tiny little skintight suit to the petite little Viking girl in braids to the little brunette whose name I never caught who was exactly my "type", there was no lack of pretty young things to admire and chat up. That satyrette kept catching my eye though...
She and her partner had crafted their pants/leggings out of some brown furry material, and they had these thick hoof-like booties. They were both spangled up with glitter and very fetching eye makeup, little horns, the whole satyriffic setup. He was shirtless, she had a leather bikini top on, very nicely filled out.

So, as a long time admirer of the female form, there's a few types that cross your path. Most are of the "Wow, she's cute" or "What a babe" types, where it's just a casual admiration of a pretty girl. Every now and then, though, you run across the type that provokes a "I must impregnate her immediately!" kind of vibe. That's exactly the vibe I got from the satyrette, even though, while certainly attractive enough, she just didn't fit in the usual scheme of what El Capitan normally likes. Nevetheless, it was almost a magnetic pull for my eyes. I had to go wander around other areas and talk to other folks just to avoid seeming rude and all geeky/creepy.

I suppose I was either tapping into a long dormant atavistic reaction to the legendary satyr mythos, or I have an undiscovered thing for goats. I hope to ghod it's the former...
It was probably the leather bikini top. Glub knows I have a weakness for tanned animal hide stretched tautly over the curvy portions of the human female anatomy. And she was curvy... Sacré Merde was she curvy!

I finally wobbled off to the PimpSled just after 3 a.m., and got back to the motel in one piece. The Daylight Savings Time fallback couldn't have come on a better weekend.

Met Andy & Laura for lunch at J. Gilligans for their great burgers and a little college-era nostalgia thrown in. We chatted for a long time, and afterwards sauntered down to the Central Arlington Half Price Books to meet Al, another old college buddy. We got to spring the "Laura's pregnant" surprise on him, and I thought the man was gonna break out in tears. He'll probably grin all night! (Al was Andy's best man, so, yeah, they're pretty tight)

So, all in all, a great trip. I can't imagine what else I could've done over the weekend that would've made it better.

Except for maybe some goat wrangling...