Just When You Think I've Hit Bottom, I Keep Digging
Didja ever take such a soul-satisfying dump that you wanted to write a song about it?
Nay, not just a song, but perhaps a hymn!
Tonight I have had such an experience. Little bastard had been turtle-heading me since 5 p.m., and it took an extreme act of will to keep things in place until I could waddle in from the driveway to the shit parlor...
I had seriously contemplated stopping at several random places known to have spacious and reasonably clean toilet facilities, but chose to gamble on reaching the house and maintaining home field advantage.
Ahhh, the relief. Makes one want to sing!
"Joyful, joyful! We adore thee,
Turd that exits from my ass"
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That turdsplash in the bowl!
I crap with both my feet off the ground,
'Cause that's just how I roll!"
“Holy, holy, holy! Big Log Almighty!
Early in the morning our butt shall strain to thee!
Holy, holy, holy! Peanut-strewn and corn-y,
Turd in three pieces, blessed Trinity!”
OK, I'll quit now. I think I hear thunder in the distance...