Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Sunday, October 09, 2016

Facebook Fodder

One Post Per Month? The New Normal!!

Saw this on the FB.  Had to edit it a bit.  You'll see where...

Let's see how many people will tell the truth about their past.

Tattoos - yes - 3
Tattoos I still like - 1
Piercings- yes, but just an earlobe, and it closed up years ago.
Divorces- no (No marriages, either...)
Children - none I'm aware of
Surgeries - 2-3 times, all minor
Been to Jail - Yes, if a holding cell counts.
Shot a gun - Yes
Quit a job - Yes
Flown on a plane- yes
Flown a plane - No
Gone over 100 mph- yes

Gone over 100 mph while shitfaced - yes
 Hit a deer - no
Hit a skunk - yes
 Gone zip lining - yes
Cried over someone - Yes
Fell in love - Yes
Skipped school - Yes
Watched someone give birth -No
Watched someone die - Yes
Been to Canada - yes
Ridden in an ambulance - Yes
Been to Hawaii - No
Been to Europe - No
Been to Washington D.C. - Yes
Visited Florida - Yes
Visited Mexico - yes
New Mexico - yes
Visited Las Vegas - yes
Sang karaoke - Yes

Sounded good singing karaoke - No
Been on the radio - Yes
Laughed so much you cried - Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue -Yes
Had a pet(s) - Yes
Been sledding on big hill - Yes
Been downhill skiing - Yes
Rode on a motorcycle - Yes
Rode a Horse - Yes
Stayed in a hospital - Yes
Donated blood - Yes 

Driven a stick shift - Yes
Rode in the back of a police car -Yes

Hold your finger down and select copy... Then go into status an paste it. Change your answers. Go!

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Creeping Curmudgeonhood

Saturday Afternoon Gripes

I'm beginning to understand the mechanics of being a grumpy old man...

I've been temperamentally inclined to such an outcome, probably since youth, but I fear I'm on a one-way trip to CurmudgeonVille.

See, it's never just one thing, one horrible injustice that burns in your psyche like a white-hot ember.  No, it's a multitude of little pinpricks, tiny sparks that fester just beneath the surface.

If there's one word that defines much of my attitude, it's this:


I fear I'm too jaded to get the quick flash of anger I would have 20 years ago.  Now, it's just the slow burn of being BBQ'ed over an endless bed of smoking bullshit.

I yearn to push back against what seems an inevitable tide of crap.  Back in college, I'd round up a few like-minded pals, and we'd go perpetrate a truly pointless and tasteless prank aimed at pantsing the object of our scorn.

I've got too much to lose these days.  Run-ins with Johnny Law aren't the adventure they used to be.  I'm no longer able to take a running dive into the bed of an accelerating pickup to flee the scene of an official's yard newly-decorated with an 8 foot tall chicken wire & papier mâché penis.

Neither am I able to afford minions to do my bidding.  *Sigh*  It's a sad state of affairs...

Fortunately, I have bourbon & cigars, the anodyne to old man's annoyance.  And look!  It's just about 5 pm!

Cheers, y'all!

Monday, August 08, 2016

The Lights Are Still *ON*

Glowing Dim, But Still Lit!

I know, I know.  No content lately.

Here's some funnies to tide you over:

No lie about the mean geese!  Spent some time up in Ontario on business.  Damn things were as pesky & numerous as big city pigeons...

You know why cannibals don't eat older divorced women?

Too bitter...


Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Sandwiches In Poor Taste

Mmmm!  Beef Curtain Sammiches!!

One more ill-advised post that will extend my time in Purgatory...

Some devout mom posted this gem on Twitter:

I couldn't resist thinking about other celebrity sandwiches.

You can find these at Café Kardashian:

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Behind Door #2

Where's Monty Hall When You Need Him?

On an earlier post, I was whinging about the need for a new vehicle.

These were my options:

#1 - Finance a 2-4 year old low mileage vehicle, and live on tapwater and pinto beans for 48-60 months.  In the dark, with no A/C except on the "Free Weekends" plan.

#2 - Buy a 5-9 year old vehicle with 50-100K miles on it, pay 1/2 down, finance the rest, and have a 36-48 month payment that is annoying, but livable.

#3 - Pay cash for a beater, drive it until it explodes.  Rinse, repeat.

The final decision got made last week, Option #2 was the winner.

The new ride?

2007 Ford Freestar minivan.  V-6 engine, 54,000 miles, freezer-grade A/C, and so immaculate you could eat off the engine block.

Not the sexy ride I was hoping for, but it'll do.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Just Keeping The Lights On

This Ice Cream Tastes Like Ass, But It's Free!


There was me, that is Harlan, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the KFC trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening.

The KFC sold Chicken-plus, chicken plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were noshing.

This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence...

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Seduced By The Hun

Today, Your Driveway!  Tomorrow, The World!!

Man, I forgot how much I hate car shopping...

It's better than it used to be.  Back in the day, you had three tiny lines in the Classified ads that you had to decipher to figure out if it was worth your time to go look at the car.

Now, just about everything's online, which has its own set of issues.

See, you can look at all kinds of vehicles, including those you have no business even considering.

I speak of Ze Churmans and their over-engineered autos.

Ordinarily, I would never waste my time even considering a Merc, Beemer or Audi.  But when it's just a mouse click away, what'll it hurt to take a peek?

I know better.  I've been there, albeit on the lower end of the Krautwagen spectrum.

I owned a VW GTi back in the 90's.  Great car, fun to drive.  When it *did* drive.  It was exceedingly fond of puking up odd bits of its own engine, and costing me an insane amount of cash to get it repaired.

Alternators that would cost $30-40 on a Ford/Chevy/Dodge cost upwards of $400.  $240 for a set of spark plug wires, as opposed to $20.  Even the damn power window switches, which burnt out every 6 months, cost $110 a pop.

That was on a VeeDub, the Hyundai of the Wurst-snapper breed of cars.  Multiply that times 2-3 for replacement parts for a Benz, BMW or Audi.

So, why do I keep looking at Mercedes S-class rides????


But they're so... plush.  Roomy.  There's fans in the leather seats that blow cool air up over your balls...

God, I've got to snap out it.  I must not be seduced by the Hun!!