Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Time To Eat The Pig

FaceBook Strikes Again

OK, a long time back on the Book of Face, I saw this cute story about how two guys up in Canuckistan had adopted/rescued a "miniature" pig, and discovered all too quickly that it was just a random farm pig that was destined to grow into a barrel-sized porker.

Anyway, I hit "Like" on their page, 'cause the piggy was cute, and from then on I got regular updates in my news feed about this pig named Esther.

Jump forward a couple of years, and they've used the fame of the pig to solicit contributions to buy a plot of ground to serve as no-kill animal sanctuary.  (They're vegetarians, naturally...)

OK, no problem with that. They wanna eat shrubbery and provide homes for critters, that's their business.

But they keep publishing pics of this enormous sow.   It's no longer cute.  It's like a furry oil drum with legs.

And it looks freakin' delicious...

Seriously, every time that damn pig pops up in my FB feed, all I can think of is:  "I want to eat that pig."

Oh, they don't have to worry.  Canada is too damn far to drive to swipe a pig.  We've got plenty down here in Texas.

Still, I can just see Esther twirling on a spit.  That'll do, pig.  That'll do...

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Retail Savagery

Some MBA Is To Blame For This...

There's all kinds of tricks store managers use to grab your wallet and shake it silly.

There's putting the milk, eggs & bread at the far side of the store, forcing you to walk past most everything else just to get what you need.  They put the pricy items at eye-level, and hide the bargains on upper or lower shelves.  Endcaps are stocked with whatever they're overstocked on, or seasonal items with a hefty markup.

Then, of course, there's the fancy geegaws next to the register, in the final hope you'll up the profit margin just a smidgen as you wait to check out your own stuff at the aggravating self-checkout gizmo.  (No discount for that, of course...)

Sometimes, they take it too far...

F'rinstance, when you need some Imodium or Pepto to stop a colonic eruption from an ill-advised intake of tamales, you need that shit RIGHT NOW.  It needs to be right there by the checkout stand.

Putting all the "magical ass cork" medications on the wall farthest from the front door?

That's some cold-blooded shit, right there...

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Ice Cream Machine's Broken Again...

Life's Harsh. Buy A Helmet.

Not being a regular at the Golden Arches, I became aware via the Interwebs that Mickey D's has a bit of an issue with their ice cream.

Seems that instead of going through the daily hassle of cleaning/servicing/refilling the soft-serve machine, it's much easier for the $15-an-hour-seeking drones to just claim "Duh Mosheen Be Broke" and avoid the work.

Funny that I'd have something in common with Ol' Ronald.  The free ice cream dispenser around here has been phuct for some time.

My occasional screeds over on BookFace aren't nearly as fun.  Quite a few of the folks in my feed don't seem to be able to digest more than a dozen words or so before scrolling to the next item.  I'm pretty sure that instead of seeing my Wall-Of-Text clogging their iPhone, I've been consigned to the "Hidden from feed" purgatory.

So, I spew over here from time to time.  Shame it's not the two scoops with some whipped topping every day or so, but that's life in the big city.  Roll with the changes, y'all...

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Another Asploding Asshole - Manchester Edition

Was The ID Of The Bomber Ever Really In Doubt?




Tuesday, April 25, 2017

More Random Amusements

Still Trying To Pretend This Blog Is Alive...






Monday, April 03, 2017

What's Good For The Gander...

Suck It Up, Mother Goose!

I looked it up on Google.  It's for real.  Bloody Hell...

(Click Pic To Embiggenate!)


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

To Spank Is Human...

To Forgive, Divine.

Gotta rant for a bit.

One of my college friends posted a Spank The Kids/Don't Spank The Kids question on the Book of Face.  Got a pretty even mix of answers.

Full Disclosure:  I don't have kids, don't plan to, but my answer was a definite "Beat 'em like a rented mule!"

My ass got wore out more than a few times, but very rarely for the same offense.   Mom & Dad were also pretty straight up about it being punishment, and not something done out of anger.

In short, I don't think I suffered as a result.  I've got precisely zero run-ins with the law due to violence issues.

Anyway, an old family friend popped in out of nowhere on the post and commented that spanking was never appropriate, that kids should go to time-out, or have privileges taken away, etc.

I was dumbfounded.  The commenter, who I'll call "Uncle Fred" had met my parents years before I came along, and he and "Aunt Wilma" were a constant fixture in our lives.  Their second child "Barney" was born two weeks after me, and we spent the next 8 years swapping diapers, toys and assorted childhood infections.

See, my memory of "Uncle Fred" is at odds with his statement.  While I never saw him actually spank "Barney", he could unsling his leather belt faster than John Wayne could skin a sixshooter.  "Barney's" reaction to the leather snaking out, getting doubled over and popped was to shriek and head for the hills.  Clearly he had some passing familiarity with "Uncle Fred's" fashion accessory.

I really, really wanted to call "Uncle Fred" out, but I suppose he could have mellowed in his advancing years.  There's also a big difference between spanking kids and spanking grandkids, which he's got a lot of.

OK, rant over.