Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Just Keeping The Lights On

This Ice Cream Tastes Like Ass, But It's Free!


There was me, that is Harlan, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the KFC trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening.

The KFC sold Chicken-plus, chicken plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were noshing.

This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence...

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Seduced By The Hun

Today, Your Driveway!  Tomorrow, The World!!

Man, I forgot how much I hate car shopping...

It's better than it used to be.  Back in the day, you had three tiny lines in the Classified ads that you had to decipher to figure out if it was worth your time to go look at the car.

Now, just about everything's online, which has its own set of issues.

See, you can look at all kinds of vehicles, including those you have no business even considering.

I speak of Ze Churmans and their over-engineered autos.

Ordinarily, I would never waste my time even considering a Merc, Beemer or Audi.  But when it's just a mouse click away, what'll it hurt to take a peek?

I know better.  I've been there, albeit on the lower end of the Krautwagen spectrum.

I owned a VW GTi back in the 90's.  Great car, fun to drive.  When it *did* drive.  It was exceedingly fond of puking up odd bits of its own engine, and costing me an insane amount of cash to get it repaired.

Alternators that would cost $30-40 on a Ford/Chevy/Dodge cost upwards of $400.  $240 for a set of spark plug wires, as opposed to $20.  Even the damn power window switches, which burnt out every 6 months, cost $110 a pop.

That was on a VeeDub, the Hyundai of the Wurst-snapper breed of cars.  Multiply that times 2-3 for replacement parts for a Benz, BMW or Audi.

So, why do I keep looking at Mercedes S-class rides????


But they're so... plush.  Roomy.  There's fans in the leather seats that blow cool air up over your balls...

God, I've got to snap out it.  I must not be seduced by the Hun!!

Friday, June 03, 2016

Decisions, Decisions...

Car Buying - A Pain Level Somewhere Between Root Canal & Gangrenous Hemorrhoids.

Well, this is a pickle...

I've really got to get a new ride, and it's been so long since I've been car shopping, I'm in a state of extreme perplexitudinous despair.

The Big Red Ford is now old enough to legally vote.  In addition to the ongoing and chronic failure of the coil-on-plug abominations that have me running on 6 or 7 cylinders, the turn signals and hazards haven't worked in 5 years, the radio hasn't worked in 6 years, and the complete heating-A/C system gave up the ghost last fall.

Gas mileage has dropped from a barely acceptable 14 MPG to less than 10, largely due to the wasted gas passing through the non-firing cylinders.

Add to that the 210,000 mile tally on the odometer, and it's past time to put the BRF out to pasture.

"Well, Cap, just buy a new car!!"

Nossofast, Sparky.   I'm still adding up medical bills from the 5 week hospital/rehab facility stay.  There's also the house flood issue, which has paid out a smidgen of the insurance claim, but not enough to get back to 100%.

I'm still in the 1st year of the new house and the joys of mortgage payments, so my income's already strained.  Not painfully so, but I do need to avoid frivolities.

I'm fresh out of old relatives needing to dump a low-mileage car for pennies on the dollar, and the Texas Lotto jackpot remains annoyingly elusive.

So, here we are, with three options that I can see.

#1 - Finance a 2-4 year old low mileage vehicle, and live on tapwater and pinto beans for 48-60 months.  In the dark, with no A/C except on the "Free Weekends" plan.

#2 - Buy a 5-9 year old vehicle with 50-100K miles on it, pay 1/2 down, finance the rest, and have a 36-48 month payment that is annoying, but livable.

#3 - Pay cash for a beater, drive it until it explodes.  Rinse, repeat.

What say you, denizens of the Intertubes??

Monday, May 09, 2016

Back In The Saddle!

Like A Bad Penny...

Back at work after weeks and weeks of hospitals and home recuperation.

It's been a bumpy ride, and it ain't over yet.

Long story short, I basically ran out of get-up-and-go, and needed a trip to the ER to begin to set things right.  I've had a slew of minor medical issues that by themselves were easily dealt with, but when they gang up on you, you're up shit creek.

Fortunately, there was a paddle close at hand, called Lasix.

After having a significant chunk of my body mass excreted through my kidneys over a 5 week period, I'm feeling better, much more mobile, and have lost my startling resemblance to an out-of-shape elephant seal.

Not all is peachy keen, though.  While in the hospital, Houston had some torrential rains & ensuing floods, and Castle Anthrax took on some water.

So, in addition to relearning how to ambulate and go about daily life with a center of gravity that's 3 feet farther to the rear, I'm trying to dry out a very moist house.

I'll attempt to post more frequently, but playing catchup at work and dealing with the house issues mean I'm kinda short on time.

Thanks for dropping by!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Separated At Birth?

Orange Is Not A Healthy Skin Color...


Friday, April 08, 2016

Slightly Alive!

Desperately In Need Of A Blog Defibrillator!

Reader: "This blog's dead, Jim!"

Miracle Max: "Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much!  It just so happens that this blog here is only MOSTLY dead! There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead!  Mostly dead is slightly alive!  With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do."

Reader: "What's that?"

Miracle Max: "Go through his archives and pirate some content..."

Sunday, February 21, 2016

We've Fallen To This??

Opinions Are Like @ssholes

People may think me quite balmy
And fans of Ernie get hurt;
But asked which Muppet it favored;
My sphincter quite clearly said "BERT!!"