Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Too Silly To Not Share!

Squeal Like A Pig!

OK, this made me giggle more than it should have...

OOO!  EEE!  OOO-AH-AH!!
TING!  TANG!  LLAMA LLAMA PIG-BANG!!

Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Big Reveal

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart...

Almost there, kiddies...

I've been hinting at major changes coming up in my foreseeable future, and I've been deliberately vague until things got closer to a tipping point.

Well, that cow done got tipped.  In other words, ain't no more hope of maintaining the status quo, so change is upon us, whether we want it or not.

For El Capitan, this is all uncharted territory.  I'm having to learn a new vocabulary and a new way of thinking.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Singing Praises!

Just When You Think I've Hit Bottom, I Keep Digging

Didja ever take such a soul-satisfying dump that you wanted to write a song about it?

Nay, not just a song, but perhaps a hymn!

Tonight I have had such an experience.   Little bastard had been turtle-heading me since 5 p.m., and it took an extreme act of will to keep things in place until I could waddle in from the driveway to the shit parlor...

I had seriously contemplated stopping at several random places known to have spacious and reasonably clean toilet facilities, but chose to gamble on reaching the house and maintaining home field advantage.

Ahhh, the relief.  Makes one want to sing!

"Joyful, joyful!  We adore thee,
Turd that exits from my ass"

or...

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That turdsplash in the bowl!
I crap with both my feet off the ground,
'Cause that's just how I roll!"

or...

“Holy, holy, holy! Big Log Almighty!
Early in the morning our butt shall strain to thee!
Holy, holy, holy! Peanut-strewn and corn-y,
Turd in three pieces, blessed Trinity!”

OK, I'll quit now.  I think I hear thunder in the distance...

Friday, January 09, 2015

Ask A Martian

Brought To You By The Letter "C" And The Number "4"!!

Hey, Yip-Yips!!

Will El Capitan post anything this week?

"Nnnnnnn...NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!

Friday, January 02, 2015

Santa Let Me Down...

You're Never Too Old To Be A Small Boy!

Well, I was hoping to get a particular gift this year from Santa Claus, but it appears the old bastard had me on his "Naughty" list...

I'd been itching for a pair of radio-controlled dune buggies, so the cul-de-sac could be turned into the Arena Of Death.

See, with some optional added accessories, duct tape, and a tourniquet or two, the rather prosaic game of bumper cars can be raised to a new level...

If anyone is interested in a tournament, let me know.  We'll figure out a suitable model of RC car, and have everyone buy their own.

We'll set up chairs in the driveway, and I'll provide beer, cigars, duct tape & Ginsu knives.  You provide the car, balloons, and Bactine...

(Click To Embiggenate)

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Final Post for 2014

See!  That Wasn't Too Maudlin!

I'd like to say that 2014 has been a real kidneystone of a year, but truth be told, it's dealt out some good along with the bad.

Along with the minor health issues, car wreck, family squabbles and increasing withdrawal from any form of meatspace social life, I've had continued employment, better overall health than I probably deserve, a mostly-operating vehicle, and even a couple of salary bumps.

Life's not perfect by any means, but it can always suck just a little bit more than it does.

And despite how cliché it might sound, that's part of what keeps me going.

It's the easiest thing in the world to just say "Fuck it, the world/God/Life hates me, I quit", and just fade into a miserable pile of goo.

Somehow, you find the gumption to push the giant dungball up the hill just one more time, praying the Sysiphusian V8 powering the whole affair don't vapor-lock or throw a rod...

2015 will have some big changes.  Serious, life-altering, end-of-an-era changes.  I'm still not ready to talk about it, as I'm still processing and planning.

As such, I'm not even going to try and post as often as I feel obligated to.  The recent 2-3 posts a week will probably become the new normal around here.  Sorry for turning off the tap, but a brownout's better than pitch black!

Best of luck to you and yours in the New Year!

See y'all in 2015!

Sincerely,

El Capitan

Friday, December 26, 2014

The Longest Day

Next Year, I Take All Of December Off!

There are certain benefits to having your office/cubicle tucked away in the very back of the rat's maze of The Man's cube farm.  Mainly, it's the furthest away from the door, so any incoming traffic will usually intersect a co-worker before they penetrate too deeply into the office and stumble on my lair.

This keeps my face-to-face interactions to a minimum, which is nice on a typical workday.

On the day after Xmas, though?  Today it's just me and another guy holding down the fort, and we've got to keep prairie-dogging up over the cube walls to see who's coming in, instead of spending the day in a semi-comatose trance, awaiting the 5 pm bell.

We really shouldn't even be open...  Last count, two walk-ins, one of which was supposed to be in here on Wednesday, and two phone calls. 

Still, you never know.  You sometimes see a bump in traffic over the holidays, when people chew the fat with their kinfolk, and someone decides that The Man has dealt out a rotten hand.  "Yew oughtta go complain about that!"  And then, suddenly there's walk-ins # 3, 4 & 5...

Sigh.  2 hours to go.  Y'all just let it go until Monday, y'hear??