Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, April 11, 2016

Separated At Birth?

Orange Is Not A Healthy Skin Color...

Troompa-Loompa?


Friday, April 08, 2016

Slightly Alive!

Desperately In Need Of A Blog Defibrillator!

Reader: "This blog's dead, Jim!"

Miracle Max: "Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much!  It just so happens that this blog here is only MOSTLY dead! There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead!  Mostly dead is slightly alive!  With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do."

Reader: "What's that?"

Miracle Max: "Go through his archives and pirate some content..."


Sunday, February 21, 2016

We've Fallen To This??

Opinions Are Like @ssholes

People may think me quite balmy
And fans of Ernie get hurt;
But asked which Muppet it favored;
My sphincter quite clearly said "BERT!!"


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Just Dropping By...

Couldn't Resist The Snark

Saw this on Drudge:




Perhaps Huma Abedin's pubes??

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Memoreeeees!

Hard "R" Rating On This Post!

OK, this post may be a bit of a "TMI" download.

Just a warning.

Cold wet morning.  Wednesday, Jan 30th, 2015.  Streets are quiet, most folks are taking the week off, and still inside snug in bed.

It's one of those rare, rare days when I can tell you EXACTLY where I was 30 years ago this week, this day, this minute.

See, school kids got this week off on vacation.

Parents, mostly they gotta work.

On December 30, 1985, I was a senior in high school.  Off on vacation.  Cold, frozen day.  Rare in Houston.

Dad had forbidden me to fire up the station wagon or the motor scooter due to the icy weather.  He didn't go so far as to seize the keys, but there were enough prying eyes on the cul de sac to make sneaking out a vehicle a losing proposition.

No prohibition on leg-powered transport, so I bundled up warm and trotted out the ol' 12 speed.  It was a vintage Motobecane loaned to me by the father of my girlfriend.  With high pressure silk tires, toe clips and handlebars that kept your head down and ass in the air, it was probably the least suitable bike for icy streets. 

Still, when ya gotta ride, ya gotta ride.  And ride I did.  Straight to my girlfriend's condo on the far side of the high school campus.

See, her Mom & Dad worked all the way across town, Mom in the Med Center, Dad in Montrose.  Once there, they were there all day, unlike my folks, who had a depressing habit of dropping in for lunch or "just to check on things".

And today, we just didn't want the interruption.  We were catching the express train to Shag City, and the round trip was scheduled from 9 AM until the first car bearing a parent nosed under the carport.

As days in your life are rated, that day was right up there on the "Best Of" list.  Not an inch of living room carpet went unplowed.  Each step going upstairs got a change in position.  Heck, if we'd have figured out how to tie a buffer pad to her ass, we would have polished the shit out of the kitchen floor.

Being 17 was a wonderful thing.   You haven't completely learned Quality, but as Uncle Joe supposedly said, "Quantity has a quality all of its own!"

Of course, there was a downside.  Proper use of birth control prevented the 9 Month Surprise, but proper use of some good lube (Der Vienerschlieder, in HochDeutsch) would have prevented the friction burns.  Ouch...

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Three Weeks??

Adventures Of The Accidental Blogger

Damn, almost three weeks without a post.  You might think I've given up on this little hole in the web...

Life continues at a breakneck pace.  It seems like I'm just getting home at night when it's time once again to fire up the truck and head back to work.

Again, sorry for the long delay.  Mom's been in & out of the hospital.  Nothing too serious, just a collection of minor old lady ailments that hit all at once.

Once she's back up to speed, it'll be easier to focus on my own meager existence.

Of course, by then, another catastrophe will crawl out of the woodwork...

Until then, kiddies, here's a Christmas giggle.  Or a groan.  Or both...

Thursday, December 03, 2015

News From The 'Hood

Fun & Games In Northwest Houston

Well, the mystery of the missing wildlife is getting clearer.  I'd wondered about the relative lack of wabbits and skwerlz on the huge open green space behind the house.  It seems that's one big buffet table for predators...

Twice this week I've seen a coyote early in the morning across the drainage canal.  I'm not surprised that they live this far in town, but I thought I'd hear more about missing poodles & cats on the local electronic grapevine.

Spotted a big fat redtailed hawk as I left for work on Tuesday.  That ought to account for at least a squirrel or two per week.

At night I've heard two big owls hooting back & forth.  At the old place, I got barn owls fairly frequently, and little bitty beer-can sized owls on a more infrequent basis.  These sound big enough to be barred owls or even great horned owls.

So, we got some animals around, just mostly the predator sort.

Speaking of predators, the Po-leece came by in force last night.  Had at least 8 of 'em in the front yard for an hour or so.

Dad had dropped by for a visit and to pick up a few odds & ends, and as he was leaving, a 4-door sedan whipped into my driveway, and they nearly mashed bumpers.  There was an HPD cruiser right on the sedan's ass, and it ground to a stop, popped the lights and siren, and in short order had the four young men out and braced on the hood.

They tried to say that they lived there, but with Dad standing there saying "Who are these guys?", that ploy wasn't going to fly.  The young men just needed a bolt-hole to try and escape the traffic stop.

So, the next hour was spent with them in handcuffs as the cops kept showing up in more and more patrol cars, lighting up the neighborhood.  They searched the car, but came up with nothing more sinister than 40 oz. malt liquor bottles.   Eventually they did a pat-down, found one guy with a crotch full of bagged weed, and took him off to the hoosegow.  The others they cut loose after dumping out all the beer.

In my yard, of course.  Thanks for the aroma, HPD...