Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Monday, May 09, 2016

Back In The Saddle!

Like A Bad Penny...

Back at work after weeks and weeks of hospitals and home recuperation.

It's been a bumpy ride, and it ain't over yet.

Long story short, I basically ran out of get-up-and-go, and needed a trip to the ER to begin to set things right.  I've had a slew of minor medical issues that by themselves were easily dealt with, but when they gang up on you, you're up shit creek.

Fortunately, there was a paddle close at hand, called Lasix.

After having a significant chunk of my body mass excreted through my kidneys over a 5 week period, I'm feeling better, much more mobile, and have lost my startling resemblance to an out-of-shape elephant seal.

Not all is peachy keen, though.  While in the hospital, Houston had some torrential rains & ensuing floods, and Castle Anthrax took on some water.

So, in addition to relearning how to ambulate and go about daily life with a center of gravity that's 3 feet farther to the rear, I'm trying to dry out a very moist house.

I'll attempt to post more frequently, but playing catchup at work and dealing with the house issues mean I'm kinda short on time.

Thanks for dropping by!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Separated At Birth?

Orange Is Not A Healthy Skin Color...


Friday, April 08, 2016

Slightly Alive!

Desperately In Need Of A Blog Defibrillator!

Reader: "This blog's dead, Jim!"

Miracle Max: "Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much!  It just so happens that this blog here is only MOSTLY dead! There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead!  Mostly dead is slightly alive!  With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do."

Reader: "What's that?"

Miracle Max: "Go through his archives and pirate some content..."

Sunday, February 21, 2016

We've Fallen To This??

Opinions Are Like @ssholes

People may think me quite balmy
And fans of Ernie get hurt;
But asked which Muppet it favored;
My sphincter quite clearly said "BERT!!"

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Just Dropping By...

Couldn't Resist The Snark

Saw this on Drudge:

Perhaps Huma Abedin's pubes??

Wednesday, December 30, 2015


Hard "R" Rating On This Post!

OK, this post may be a bit of a "TMI" download.

Just a warning.

Cold wet morning.  Wednesday, Jan 30th, 2015.  Streets are quiet, most folks are taking the week off, and still inside snug in bed.

It's one of those rare, rare days when I can tell you EXACTLY where I was 30 years ago this week, this day, this minute.

See, school kids got this week off on vacation.

Parents, mostly they gotta work.

On December 30, 1985, I was a senior in high school.  Off on vacation.  Cold, frozen day.  Rare in Houston.

Dad had forbidden me to fire up the station wagon or the motor scooter due to the icy weather.  He didn't go so far as to seize the keys, but there were enough prying eyes on the cul de sac to make sneaking out a vehicle a losing proposition.

No prohibition on leg-powered transport, so I bundled up warm and trotted out the ol' 12 speed.  It was a vintage Motobecane loaned to me by the father of my girlfriend.  With high pressure silk tires, toe clips and handlebars that kept your head down and ass in the air, it was probably the least suitable bike for icy streets. 

Still, when ya gotta ride, ya gotta ride.  And ride I did.  Straight to my girlfriend's condo on the far side of the high school campus.

See, her Mom & Dad worked all the way across town, Mom in the Med Center, Dad in Montrose.  Once there, they were there all day, unlike my folks, who had a depressing habit of dropping in for lunch or "just to check on things".

And today, we just didn't want the interruption.  We were catching the express train to Shag City, and the round trip was scheduled from 9 AM until the first car bearing a parent nosed under the carport.

As days in your life are rated, that day was right up there on the "Best Of" list.  Not an inch of living room carpet went unplowed.  Each step going upstairs got a change in position.  Heck, if we'd have figured out how to tie a buffer pad to her ass, we would have polished the shit out of the kitchen floor.

Being 17 was a wonderful thing.   You haven't completely learned Quality, but as Uncle Joe supposedly said, "Quantity has a quality all of its own!"

Of course, there was a downside.  Proper use of birth control prevented the 9 Month Surprise, but proper use of some good lube (Der Vienerschlieder, in HochDeutsch) would have prevented the friction burns.  Ouch...

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Three Weeks??

Adventures Of The Accidental Blogger

Damn, almost three weeks without a post.  You might think I've given up on this little hole in the web...

Life continues at a breakneck pace.  It seems like I'm just getting home at night when it's time once again to fire up the truck and head back to work.

Again, sorry for the long delay.  Mom's been in & out of the hospital.  Nothing too serious, just a collection of minor old lady ailments that hit all at once.

Once she's back up to speed, it'll be easier to focus on my own meager existence.

Of course, by then, another catastrophe will crawl out of the woodwork...

Until then, kiddies, here's a Christmas giggle.  Or a groan.  Or both...