Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

I Rant, Therefore I Am

Some Things Just Have To Be Said

To:  All the food purveyors worldwide
Subject: JalapeƱo peppers

You are all being put on notice!

If you choose to add peppers to your breakfast menu offerings, please have the got-dam common courtesy to do it in an acceptable manner.

Look, you're already throwing eggs, bacon and onions on the grill.  It would take no extra time to quickly slice a fresh pepper and toss it in with the onions and hash browns.

Fresh peppers are cheap, and have a reasonable shelf life.

Instead, you rat bastards *always* crack open a can of pickled jalapeƱos, and splash vinegar and wilted gummy slices all over my food.

Do you put slices of dill pickles on your eggs and omelets?  Do you stuff a kosher garlic spear into your breakfast taco?

No, you got-dam well do not!!

So why do you put fucking pickled peppers in your food???

Fresh peppers or Death!

I have spoken...

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Douche Flute

Xmas Gifts: A Hit-Or-Miss Affair

Beware strangers bearing gifts.

Especially beware friends bearing gifts...

Recently, I asked a buddy of mine some questions regarding his vaping habit.  For those of you residing under rocks & logs, vaping is a smoking alternative where you use an electronic gizmo to vaporize a fluid mix and inhale the resulting vapor into your lungs.

Somehow, aforementioned buddy got the idea that I was looking to join the ranks of the Vape Apes.

Knowing my penchant for cigars, he acquired some vaping fluid (e-juice) with a supposed cigar aroma, and paired it with an entry-level vaping machine.  Looks like a long silver fountain pen with a power button and a plastic rocket nozzle mouthpiece.

For the record, it does *not* taste like a cigar.  Also, the nicotine content of the pseudo-cigar juice makes the top of my skull want to peel back.

I suppose I could try another flavor, and go nicotine-free, but I'm not really seeing the point.  I can easily go all day without needing to burn a stogie, and the appeal of sitting at my desk surreptitiously huffing Juicy Fruit-flavored fog is just not there.

Plus, vaping seems to be a hipster thing.  Hence, the "Douche Flute" reference.

Your thoughts are welcome!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Amassed Amusement

I Got A Giggle.  Your Mileage May Vary.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Well, That Was Interesting...

So Glad That's Over!

Didn't see that one coming.

I'd been steeling myself for 4 years of the Hildebeest, or whenever she keeled over and cacked it, whichever came first.

Amazingly, Cheeto Benito pulled it off.

Don't like him much.  Well, that's understating it.  I think he's a giant douche.

Still, we've got a better chance of delaying the slide into Socialist Hell, with some (hopefully) decent SCOTUS appointments and some mucking out of the Federal Stables.

This won't be great, but it's better than having Cankles McPantsuit at the wheel.

Monday, November 07, 2016

Too Much 'MHI'

Vampires *Really* Suck...

Doing a re-read of Correia's Monster Hunter books before buying the most recent.

Got the urge to make something related:

Friday, November 04, 2016

Don't Mix Your Junk Foods

You'd Think I'd Know Better By Now...

It's never a good idea to eat Taco Bell.

It's REALLY not a good idea to follow up the Taco Bell with a bag of Cheez-Its and a couple of Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies.

When the resulting mass makes its final exit, you're in for an unpleasant surprise.


I'm gonna call that turd "Lucille", 'cause it felt like a baseball bat wrapped with barbed wire...

Monday, October 31, 2016

Subliminal Advertising?

I'm Probably Overthinking This...

OK, so I'm perusing the news, and click on a link to the NY Times for a story on the newly exposed Weiner, and how this Weiner may be screwing Hillary's shot at the throne.

As I'm on the link, this pops up:

It's an ad for some fancy hi-rise in NYC, at 111 Murray in the Tribeca area.  If you've got about 4-5 million bux in pocket change, you can live there.

So, I'm just curious.  Are those giant butt plugs on the coffee table?  Is that a custom pillow-biter couch for some scenic buttsecks?

I guess if you're trying to attract well-to-do gays, but need to keep it on the down-low, you go the subliminal route...