Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

To Spank Is Human...

To Forgive, Divine.

Gotta rant for a bit.

One of my college friends posted a Spank The Kids/Don't Spank The Kids question on the Book of Face.  Got a pretty even mix of answers.

Full Disclosure:  I don't have kids, don't plan to, but my answer was a definite "Beat 'em like a rented mule!"

My ass got wore out more than a few times, but very rarely for the same offense.   Mom & Dad were also pretty straight up about it being punishment, and not something done out of anger.

In short, I don't think I suffered as a result.  I've got precisely zero run-ins with the law due to violence issues.

Anyway, an old family friend popped in out of nowhere on the post and commented that spanking was never appropriate, that kids should go to time-out, or have privileges taken away, etc.

I was dumbfounded.  The commenter, who I'll call "Uncle Fred" had met my parents years before I came along, and he and "Aunt Wilma" were a constant fixture in our lives.  Their second child "Barney" was born two weeks after me, and we spent the next 8 years swapping diapers, toys and assorted childhood infections.

See, my memory of "Uncle Fred" is at odds with his statement.  While I never saw him actually spank "Barney", he could unsling his leather belt faster than John Wayne could skin a sixshooter.  "Barney's" reaction to the leather snaking out, getting doubled over and popped was to shriek and head for the hills.  Clearly he had some passing familiarity with "Uncle Fred's" fashion accessory.

I really, really wanted to call "Uncle Fred" out, but I suppose he could have mellowed in his advancing years.  There's also a big difference between spanking kids and spanking grandkids, which he's got a lot of.

OK, rant over.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Nike Is Greek, Not Arabic...

ZOMG!  An Actual Post!!

Saw this elsewhere on the web.  I know it's got some folks all discombobulated...

I don't have a beef with Nike over their peddling of a "sports burqa".  They're in the sports-gear selling business, and if there's a demand for this sort of thing, more power to 'em for being the supply.

Can't say I'm a big fan of the idea of the burqa, but I don't think you can claim Nike is subjugating women or promoting Islamic patriarchy.  Whoever's inclined to buy one of these is already wearing a burqa, most likely.

Who knows, Nike may even expand their options.  Look for a Catholic Nun sports wimple.  The Mennonites or Hutterites or Vermiculites that have their young women wear bonnets will need a version, too.

Friday, March 03, 2017

Just for Heath J

'Cause Too Much Maddow Is Bad For the Soul...









Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Doubling Down

Might As Well Be Hung For A Sheep As For A Lamb

Another Tidbit:



Well, that leaves Maddow out of the cooter law biz...

Saturday, January 21, 2017

I Just Can't Help Myself...

This Is Why I'm Single.

Saw the news about half a million women marching in Washington D.C.

Unbidden, from the Stygian depths of my toxic masculine brain, a thought burbled to the surface:

"Boy, they could make a shitload of sandwiches!"

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

I Rant, Therefore I Am

Some Things Just Have To Be Said

To:  All the food purveyors worldwide
Subject: JalapeƱo peppers

You are all being put on notice!

If you choose to add peppers to your breakfast menu offerings, please have the got-dam common courtesy to do it in an acceptable manner.

Look, you're already throwing eggs, bacon and onions on the grill.  It would take no extra time to quickly slice a fresh pepper and toss it in with the onions and hash browns.

Fresh peppers are cheap, and have a reasonable shelf life.

Instead, you rat bastards *always* crack open a can of pickled jalapeƱos, and splash vinegar and wilted gummy slices all over my food.

Do you put slices of dill pickles on your eggs and omelets?  Do you stuff a kosher garlic spear into your breakfast taco?

No, you got-dam well do not!!

So why do you put fucking pickled peppers in your food???

Fresh peppers or Death!

I have spoken...

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Douche Flute

Xmas Gifts: A Hit-Or-Miss Affair

Beware strangers bearing gifts.

Especially beware friends bearing gifts...

Recently, I asked a buddy of mine some questions regarding his vaping habit.  For those of you residing under rocks & logs, vaping is a smoking alternative where you use an electronic gizmo to vaporize a fluid mix and inhale the resulting vapor into your lungs.

Somehow, aforementioned buddy got the idea that I was looking to join the ranks of the Vape Apes.

Knowing my penchant for cigars, he acquired some vaping fluid (e-juice) with a supposed cigar aroma, and paired it with an entry-level vaping machine.  Looks like a long silver fountain pen with a power button and a plastic rocket nozzle mouthpiece.

For the record, it does *not* taste like a cigar.  Also, the nicotine content of the pseudo-cigar juice makes the top of my skull want to peel back.

I suppose I could try another flavor, and go nicotine-free, but I'm not really seeing the point.  I can easily go all day without needing to burn a stogie, and the appeal of sitting at my desk surreptitiously huffing Juicy Fruit-flavored fog is just not there.

Plus, vaping seems to be a hipster thing.  Hence, the "Douche Flute" reference.

Your thoughts are welcome!