Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, May 31, 2013

Is This A Gun Blog? I Forget Sometimes...

Where El Capitan Expresses His Antisocial Hobby

Summer is almost here, and that means it's time to drop a wad of cash on another firearm, whether I need one or not!

As I repeat  ad nauseam, "Need's got nothing to do with it!"  At this point in life, I have the ability and the wherewithal to acquire boomsticks.  I may not later, so make hay while the sun shines!

These are all on sale at the local Gat Shack.  They all intrigue me to one degree or another...

(All pix will embiggenate if ya click on'em!)

First, the pistols:

This is an NAA .22 Magnum Pug.  It's what I went shopping for back in late March when I got sidetracked by the Ruger Bearcat Shopkeeper.

Not much to it.  About 1" of barrel and a smidgen of lockwork around an AA battery-sized cylinder with room for 5 .22 Mag shells.  Still, it hides in a shirt pocket and the flash & bang alone would be impressive.
Around $275.

Got no use for it at all.  Therefore, I must have it.  Unless I choose...

A Smith & Wesson Model 10-5.  The original point & click interface.  Nothing fancy about it.  Fixed sights, .38 SPL, but made with forged parts, a pinned barrel and recessed cylinder.  About 500 bux.
Again, don't need it, but I don't have one.

Then, there's this:

Big Bada-Boom!  I need another Ruger wheelgun like I need another bunghole...  Still, a .44 Magnum bunghole??  Ain't got one of those! About $475.

Stepping up into the realm of investment collecting, this would make a nice companion to the Mauser Broomhandle.

A circa 1915 DWM Parabellum, commonly known as a Luger, in 9mm.  This one would require some saving and layaway, but it's doable, should I live a month or two on ramen and peanut butter sammiches.

It's purely a shooter, with some mismatched grips & mag, and a refinish some years back.  Still, they ain't making any more of 'em, and the price will only go up.  Just under $1000.

Then, there's the rifles!!

Here's an odd bird.  A Madsen bolt action from Denmark, in the manly & effective caliber of .30-06.  One of the last, if not THE last full size bolt-action battle rifles, a few of these got sold to banana republics before everyone crated up their bolties and went the AK/FAL route.

In almost pristine condition, this one runs around $950.  It's a looker, but I've got no clue how they shoot.

Finally, a Rooski Carbinski.  A Mosin Nagant 91/30 retooled to carbine mode.  With that smidgen of barrel and the full size 7.62 x 54R round, the jet of flame out the muzzle will double its length!  A prime candidate for a brush beater/truck gun.  Less than $400.

And there it is, ladles and jellyspoons!  What's on your buying list??

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

More Mini-Movie Reviews!

We Watch The Crap So You Don't Have To!!

I've been giving the local RedBox a good wringing-out lately.  I'll go for a month or so without seeing any new releases, then spend a holiday weekend going apeshit with the DVD player and end up with a sore butt and a lot of questionably used time...

So, here's the scoop, kiddies!

Parker - Written under the pseudonym of Richard Stark, Donald Westlake's character of professional thief Parker has a couple of dozen novels (most of which I've read) and half a dozen of 'em have been filmed.  Parker has been played by numerous folks over the years.  I'm kind of partial to Lee Marvin's portrayal in 'Point Blank', but Mel Gibson did an OK job in 'Payback'.

This time it's Jason Statham's turn, and while he's got a good grasp of Parker's ethics and drive, it's tough to reconcile his British accent with the Rust Belt thief from the novels.

As far as a heist film goes, it's quite good.  The opening sequence is absolutely believeable, and while the main set-piece heist strains your credulity, the film's got enough action to keep you involved.

The inclusion of Jennifer Lopez is almost completely unnecessary to the plot.  You can just hear some studio exec screaming for a big ticket female lead to push sales.  Blink and you'll miss Nick Nolte, looking like he's about 125 years old.

No Oscar-worthy performances, but a solid entertainer.  Recommended!

Gangster Squad - It's 'L.A. Confidential: The B Team!'  Another cinematic go-round in post-WWII Los Angeles with Mickey Cohen's mobsters and the LAPD.

Josh Brolin leads a perfectly ethnically diverse team of cops after legendary hood Cohen (hammed up by Sean Penn).  Lots of Tommy Guns and fisticuffs, but kinda light on the plot and any sort of credibility.

I will give points for the romantic rematch between Emma Stone & Ryan Gosling.  While she's too cute to be a gangster's moll, Stone is downright adorable, and worth the price of the rental.

There's better films out there, but this one didn't completely suck.

Last Stand - Arnold Schwarzenegger's back, and this time he's old!!

That's the running joke in this cop caper set in deepest darkest Arizona.  Some drug kingpin is trying to blast across the border in a souped-up 'Vette, and it's up to Ah-nuld and his lovable band of misfits to hold the line and keep the world safe for democracy.

It's extremely silly, and even a belt-fed Vickers MG can't really save this one from sinking under its own preposterousness.  I'd skip it...

Stand Up Guys - This one got poor reviews, but I'm inclined to give it two thumbs up.  It's (yet another) gangster film, this time with Al Pacino as an ex-con coming back to the world after 20+ years in the can.  He's met by  former partners Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin for a night of celebration and hijinks.

Alas, there's more going on here than a get-out-of-jail party...

Pacino really goes over the top in this one, but watching him play off of Walken and Arkin is a lot of fun.

I don't want to spoil the plot.  It's worth watching!

Others worth the $1.20 rental:
'Jack Reacher'
'The Hobbit'
'Silver Linings Playbook'
'Django Unchained'

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

More Nephew Fun

Raising A Future Redneck

Few things in life are as rewarding as giving a child an idea for fun, and watching them trip over themselves in their haste to get to it.

Sammy was playing with Uncle Cap's knuckleduster, and looking for something to hit.  I said "Why don't you go out back, grab a brick off the pile, and try to punch it in half!"

That kid's eyes lit up, he let out an "OOOO!!" of excitement, and he was off like a shot.

It wasn't until much later when it occurred to me I ought to have put him in some shooting glasses just for safety, but what the hell.  Kid's gotta learn, just like I did...

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

If It's Tuesday, I Must Be Blogging About Last Weekend...

More Family Stuff

Man, I'm getting old...  Having an 8 year old boy and a 6 year old girl hanging out all weekend will wear your ass out.

Sis brought the kids to Houston for Mom's 74th B-day party.  It was a nice little shindig at Mom & Dad's church, marred only by one of her oldster friends passing out halfway through the party.

EMS got called, and a crew of 6 Spring Valley firefighters arrived in less than 5 minutes and got the old lady all wired up and ready for transport to the ER.  I thought they ought to stay for some punch & cake, but they hauled the oldster off, which was probably for the best.

Turns out that friend of Mom's had a mild stroke, but was back at home by Monday, so she's doing OK for the most part.

I'd hoped more people would show, but most of the relations on Mom's side will be getting together for the annual family reunion next month.  We did have our local City Councilcritter drop by to say hello, which was nice.

Back at the house, it was the eternal game of jump on Uncle Cap and quiz him on every item he possesses.  Sammy is now 1.5 inches taller than a Swedish Mauser.  When he's taller than the rifle with bayonet affixed, he'll be ready to take it deer hunting.

He's not quite ready for bladed weaponry, though.  He was able to unsheath the 1796 British Heavy Cavalry saber by laying the scabbard on the ground and dragging out the blade.  He hoisted the blade and said "That's not so heavy!", so Uncle Cap introduced him to the 'Hold It Level At Arm's Length For 5 Minutes Without Moving' game.   He tried, but there's some growing to do!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Friday Conundrums

AKA Shit I'd Rather Not Ruminate About Over The Weekend...

Item #1 - The Power of The Name

Fetish or Fixation?  OK, those of you with sisters and/or daughters might have an answer.  Remember when your female sibling had a crush on that guy in grade school, and she ended up defacing hundreds of pages of notebook paper scribbling "Mrs. Dreamy Dooshbag" over & over?  What was the end result supposed to be?

I have a similar occurrence happening over on Facebook.  The younger sister of an old friend "friended" me on FB, so now I see post after post of her professing her undying love to her current paramour.  The thing is, she *ALWAYS* uses the same version of the dude's name. In all caps, and the entire name.   F'rinstance - "I wuv you 4-3vr, LESTER WAYNE HAYSEED JR."  & "You are the tornado beneath my trailerpark, LESTER WAYNE HAYSEED JR"

This goes on for post after post.  I'd just delete her feed and be done with it, but every week or so he fucks up and she tears him a new one, which is always fun to watch.

Anyway, I was wondering about the significance of using the full name.  Just seemed odd, is all...

Item #2 - 24 Carrot Cake

I dearly love some carrot cake with sour cream icing, but I'm looking for an alternate recipe.  One that does *NOT* use shredded or grated carrot.  I don't care for the texture of carrot slivers in the cake.

What I'd prefer is a version closer to a pumpkin pie or sweet potato pie, where the carrots are cooked & pureed, but still have that sweet carrot flavor.

The richer & moister, the better.  No raisins, and all nuts also need to be relegated to the crust, preferably crushed.  Can anyone help??

Item #3 - Thinking about selling the .32 ACP Walther PPK. Stainless S&W model.   I'm not 100% decided, but if you've got a burning urge to get your Bond on, let me know what you'd offer.  I've got three mags, a Fobus kydex holster and about 1000 empty cases & a set of Lee factory loading dies.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Beatings Will Continue, No Matter The Morale Level!

Some Days I Hate My Job

"Well, it's a great day!  To whoop somebody's ass!!"

Or so the song goes...

Part of the problem is that there is no ass-whoopin' here, no matter how badly some is deserved.

See, there's good employees that work for The Man, and then there's the pissheads.  The douchebags.  The jobsworths, the time servers, the featherbedders, the toadys, lickspittles and the poor souls that can't pour piss out of a boot with the directions embedded on the sole.

Today, I am dealing with some of these people.

Needless to say, I am frustrated.

See, if I could just go down to their department, grab the chief slug by the meaty part of his ear and twist until I got his undivided attention, I could be reassured that at least part of the communication cycle had made it through his bony cranium unscathed by gatekeeping underlings.

Then, for good measure, I'd introduce a few of the Perpetually Incompetent to the wonder of motivational tools, the Hot Shot cattle prod.

Sigh.  I have purchased a pair of jumbo knuckledusters.  I have not decided to bring them to the office just yet...

Monday, May 13, 2013

Ribs? No. Those Were Pork-flavored Ass Bones...

Stick To Beans & Chowdah, You Pissahs!

Making good ribs is not a hard thing to do.  It does take time and attention, but nothing along the lines of calculating your taxes, or even building a birdhouse.

You can do it with a beer in your hand.  You can do it half in the bag from bourbon.  You just gotta remember...  Keep the smoke flowing, keep the heat low, and for pete's sake, don't poke fork holes in the slab.

Boston Market apparently cannot make ribs.  They do a pretty respectable job with a rotisserie chicken, which is why I gave 'em a try Friday night.

To the best of my understanding based on the end product, here's how they made their ribs:

Step One - Slice into half racks.

Step Two - Pile half racks into a stock pot.

Step Three - Boil for several hours until chewy.

Step Four - Douse in BBQ sauce, put in oven pan, slide under warmer.  Leave there all day. Sell to unsuspecting people and hope they don't get PO'ed enough to drive back and fling bad ribs over the counter.

While the end product did fall off the bone, it was more of the "stewed into decomposition" tender, not the end result of 12 hours of wood smoke.

Adding insult to injury, they shorted me a side of creamed spinach...  Boston Bastards...

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Possums, Poker & Poptarts

Alliterative Fun In Swamp City

There's at least 5 dogs and upwards of a dozen cats that freely roam the cul de sac most evenings.  Since none of the neighbors seem to have heard of leash laws, you can count on at least half the 4-legged residents to come say hello while you're out with a book & a cigar on the front porch.

This isn't a bad thing, necessarily.  I like most of the critters, and two of the dogs and three of the cats are downright friendly and will hang out while I pet them.  The problem comes when you start assuming that it's a dog or cat coming to visit.

Take last Wednesday, when I reached out my left hand while reading to pet the approaching white furry critter.   Imagine our joint surprise when I glanced over and noticed I was about 3 feet away from fondling a wandering possum...     The A/C condensation drain pipe dumps out onto the front porch, and I imagine Mr. Possum was looking for a drink.

He brought a friend last night.  I was deep into a Lee Child novel and a San Lotano cigar when I heard a snapping sound off to the left.  I looked over to see a pair of possums clicking their jaws at me, perhaps hoping I'd run off.  No dice, stupid stupid rat creatures!!

They're gonna need to find a new watering hole.  That drain's getting re-routed into a rain catchbarrel, anyway...

I've avoided Pop-Tarts for quite some time.  They're mostly empty calories, but got-damn those are some tasty empty calories...  I succumbed to temptation and had a pack of the strawberry and (my favorite!!!) the brown sugar/cinnamon.   I'd eat those things by the bushel basket if I could...

Poker night last Friday evening, one of the last ones up in the Cypresswood locale of the Cisco Kid.  He & his blushing bride of 5 months are moving down closer to downtown, and our fireworks-friendly locale for July 4th and New years will soon be on the market or rented out.

Not a bad night as far as poker nights go.  I barely made 75 cents in profit over the course of the evening, but there was this one hand...

Pretty straightforward game of Spit In The Ocean.  It's a draw game with one community wild card.   Wild card is a 3, and I'm dealt a pair of 6s and a trey.  So, at least trip 6s.  The draw comes around, and I dump a king and a 5 for... another 6 and another 3.  Score!!  Now to keep that poker face on...

Got into a betting war with the Cisco Kid.  Each of us was telling the other one "You don't want to do this! Back off!!" while pitching quarters into the pot as fast as we could.

Eventually the call came around, and Cisco Kid's royal flush (courtesy of the other two treys) was just edged out by my 5 of a kind.  Sweet...

I love winning a good hand, but I'd prefer not to hand a bad beat down to a friend to do it!!

Friday, May 03, 2013

Friday Odds & Ends

Drink, Drank, Drunk.  It's Not Conjugation, It's A Schedule!

Gadzooks, what a week...

Between the NRA at one end of downtown and the peacenik protestors at the other, it's been a fun time.

Got a parking ticket from The Man's roving foot patrol.  I had parked by a meter, then spent 10 minutes trying to get the damned thing to take my credit card.  It kept declining my card, and of course I was without a thin dime in actual currency.   A note left on the windshield to that effect was no help.  A $30 ticket along with a note that says the meter was in working order.    Of course it was...

I've been plowing my way through all the Lee Child "Jack Reacher" novels.  Never read 'em before, and they're not too bad.   I picked up #1-11 at Half Price Books, and the rest through eBay.  I'm on 11 now, and they go pretty quickly.   The protagonist is an ex-Army MP making like Caine in Kung Fu, just walking the earth and helping the poor & downtrodden.

My main beef is that the author is a Brit, and occasionally flubs the idiom.  Also, he knows just enough guns to be dangerous.  There's some odd choices in hardware used by the characters.  (A Steyr GB as a favored weapon?  Really??)

Ladies, I am quite pleased to see the reappearance of short summery skirts.  Long legs and those gusty downtown breezes make my day much more bearable.

A word of warning, though.  Consult a full-length mirror in reverse before heading out.  Twice now I've seen women sporting large purple bruises about the size of a thumbprint dead center in the middle of the rear thigh.   Having applied a few of those myself assisting the placement of ankles behind ears, I applaud your flexibility and commitment.  However, you might consider a longer skirt or some coverup makeup while they fade...

Ever wonder what becomes of those annoying-as-fuck kids from school that used to remind the teacher at 5 minutes to the bell to assign homework, and took great glee in ratting out other kids to the principal?
Well, after they retire, they spend all day churning out emails and phone calls to anyone working for The Man.

Pity we can't drag 'em out behind the gym for an ass-whoopin' anymore.