Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Wasted Trip



I knew I shoulda called in with my credit card #.

Collector's Firearms, that emporium of all things stoked by gunpowder, and frequent pillager of my savings account, posted a revolver that's long been on my "Holy Grail" list.

Earlier in the week, they posted to their New Arrivals list a refinished Smith & Wesson M1917 in the manly & effective caliber of .45ACP.  The refinish had killed any collector value, but the reduced price tag put it below even the clapped-out Brazilian imports.

Their store hours and my work hours are pretty much identical, so I didn't get a chance to drop by until this morning.

Now, I wasn't completely ignunt.  I checked their website this morning, and the revolver was still listed.  So, I showered, got dressed, and trekked over to lay out some cash.

And, of course, it was not there.  Sold yesterday afternoon.


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

LP Gas & Porcelain Dolls

Hybrid Vigor Doesn't Always Work In Commerce!

For years & years, you could drive down S. Cooper Street in Arlington, TX and pass a ratty old trailer park/campground that advertised LP Gas & Porcelain Dolls.

My buddy Rockhauler & I always poked fun at their business plan.  "Let's see.  What two commodities can we pair up and put in the same retail establishment to maximize customer traffic?"

I'm sure the truth is much more prosaic.  Probably the campground came first, the sideline in LP gas came later for all the RV's and bbq grills.  Finally, the spouse's hobby sprang into a viable business, and there ya go.

Anyway, for years it was the weirdest pairing I can remember seeing, until last week.

I was driving down Harrisburg in old East Houston, when I passed a building advertising:


Heh.  That's almost unfair.  Get your clients liquored up, they get popped for DWI, and you're right there to bail 'em out.  I'll give 'em points for creativity, if not for ethics...

It got me thinking about how to top it.  How's this for a bad idea??

Feel free to suggest your own ideas!!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Halfway To Halibut

I'm Losing Too Many Brain Cells...

Ever had a recipe you used to cook all the time, but for whatever reason you haven't had it in years?

Back when I was living in Dallas, I used to score big slabs of halibut from Central Market or the really nice Tom Thumb over on Preston, and have myself a fishy feast.

I pulled the original recipe out of a microwave cookery book, tweaked it a bit, and prepared it once or twice a month.  Low cal, tasty, (assuming you like fish with a bit of chew to it) and quick, less than 30 minutes from open-the-fridge to stuff-your-piehole.

Basically, you nuke-saute sliced onions in olive oil in a big casserole dish, add sliced peppers & shallots, then pile the fish on the onions.  Nuke 6-8 minutes, then flip the fish, pour on sliced stewed tomatoes and finish with another blast of electrons.

10 years ago, it tasted great.  Now, it's still good, but it's missing something.

The problem is, I'm leaving something out, and I can't figure out what it is.  It just doesn't taste the same.

I can't find the cookbook, the old industrial-strength microwave I used to have has been put out to pasture, and I've also misplaced my old Corningware casserole dish.

Still, I think it's an ingredient, not the prep.  What am I leaving out???

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Not A Huge Fan

The Answer, My Friend, Is Blowin' In The Wind...

I've long had a habit of sleeping with a portable electric fan pointed in my direction.  It's a holdover from my days working at a summer camp and living in a tent, where the only way you could get any sleep in 96 degree heat was to evaporate the sweat just as soon as it oozed from your pores.

Now, with central air and a ceiling fan, it's as much a white noise generator as a cooling apparatus.  I've used all kinds of air movers, both box fans and oscillating fans.  Usually they're good for a year or two before they burn out.

They just don't build 'em to last anymore, that's for certain.  I've been looking for one of the old chrome-plated behemoths from the 1950's, the kind that with a touch of oil and the occasional rebuild will still be spinning in 2150.

I've been using a Stanley fan for the past few years.  It's one of the industrial squirrel cage blowers, meant for drying out carpets or airing out musty houses.  It's got quite a good breeze to it, but there is a drawback.

I usually sleep under a light blanket or a sheet, and the air flow can do... strange things... to the fabric.

It's not a rhythmic pattern to the way the sheet or blanket can flap in the breeze.  It's more random, almost tentative at times.

In fact, it can be kind of creepy.  It's almost like something's gently tapping at your legs, trying to get a taste without waking you.

I'm certain one of these evenings, I'll open my eyes to see a cocker spaniel-sized spider using its  pedipalps to smear some kind of icky arachnid anaesthetic on my knees before chowing down.

It's enough to give you the occasional nightmare...

Friday, September 21, 2012

Enjoy The New Interface, Beeeyotch!


Well, the new Blogger interface was foisted upon me this evening. I'd intended on posting something completely different, but there doesn't seem to be a way to post images, so that idea is out the window...

Grrr... I'd hoped to get another year out of the Archaeo-Mac. It's getting harder and harder to use anything on the web due to the ancient browser I'm forced to use. I just ran out of upgrade options.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Wax On, Wax Off - Vol II

Things You & I Just Didn't Need To Know

I don't have a huge sweet tooth. Usually I tend towards the savory snackages whilst stuffing my piehole.

Still, there are a few sugary treats I dearly love. Dark chocolate. Key Lime pie. Just about any flavor of Slurpee.

Annnd.... Cherry sours. Those little red waxy sugar bombs.

What I didn't realize is just how much wax & oil is in 'em.

Check this out from the ingredient list:

Confectioner's Glaze
Coconut Oil
Carnauba Wax
White Mineral Oil.


I think you could probably jam a wick into one of my turds and use it for a candle.

And that's just not right...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Wax On, Wax Off

Dipping Your Nipples In The Hot Wax Is Not Recommended.

Apparently someone was less than enthused about the... um... ambience of the guest bathroom when my sister, BIL and their kids visited last week.

I suppose one of those 99 cent gel air fresheners and a can of Febreze just doesn't cut the funk.

At some point over the weekend, a new appliance made an appearance on the bathroom counter. It's a porcelain gizmo, with a heating unit in the base and a removeable dish that sits on top. You put some sort of aromatic wax in the dish, and it melts into a puddle, making it smell like you're baking chocolate chip cookies in the bathroom.

So, I'm looking at this dish of melted wax, and I get this almost uncontrollable urge to pour a cupful of water into it, just to see what would happen. Would it make a weird emulsion? Immediately congeal the wax?

Probably crack the dish, and spill molten wax all over the bathroom, which is why I didn't do it...

Anyway, it got me thinking about making candles when I was a kid. One of those summertime arts & crafts programs, probably sponsored by the local Y or Parks & Rec, I don't really recall.

Anyway, the candlemaking involved taking an old wax paper milk carton, cutting it in half, threading in a wick, then filling it up with ice cubes.

Then, molten wax was poured in, enveloping the ice cubes and melting them. After it cooled, you peeled off the carton. let the water drain and had a candle full of cavities and gaps where the ice had been. How artsy-fartsy!!

Worst. Candles. Ever.

Must have been a 1970's post-hippie idea. See, with all the holes, if you burned it, it leaked wax everywhere. As an added bonus, every so often you'd hit a pocket of water, often extinguishing the candle.

So, remember! Ice goes in your Tequila Sunrise and your bong, not your candles!!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Royale With Cheese

"What do they call a Whopper?"
"I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King."

OK, so we interrupt this previously scheduled blue funk to bring you some...


It seems that Yabu has decreed a contest at who can post the mostest tastiest foodiest pictures.

And get this... It's judged by two weenie dogs.

Heh. Judged by canines. Heh. Back off, homies! I got this one wired tight!

See, there's some things you just can't show a dog and not have him gnawing at the screen.


(Oh, I left these full-size, so PLEASE click each one for the full luscious effect!)
(And stick their little noses right up against the monitor!!)










Tuesday, September 11, 2012


How To Post Somethin' When Ya Got Nothin'

So many directions I could go.

1) 11th year since 9/11 (Anniversary just seems the wrong word to use...)

2) Work troubles

3) Personal issues

Alas, I just don't have the juice to crank out anything memorable. The three items above have kind of taken the wind from my sails, as it were.

I'll try again tomorrow...

Saturday, September 08, 2012


Mawwage Is What Bwings Us Togevver, Today!!

I got two wedding invitations this week.

As a guest, not a participant, mind you...

I can't say getting two is being swamped with wedding invites, but two in one week is more than I've seen in... well, ever.

Most of the folks who would be inviting me to weddings did it a decade or more ago. I suppose this is the start of round two or three.

Ah, well. It's all good. Weddings are fun!

Thursday, September 06, 2012

No Comment

Change Is Inevitable. Small Bills Are Optional

Well, I got the big scary notice from JS-KIT that my comments will be summarily executed in the beginning of October. They're ending the service for everyone, and we're all gazing around the headwaters of Shit Creek, wondering who's gonna deliver the supply of paddles.

I started with Haloscan not too long after firing up the blog back in 2004, and have had very few issues over the years. The changeover to Echo/JS-KIT was trouble-free, as far as I could tell, but it's all about to come to a screeching halt.

There's a commenting system built into Blogger, and I suppose it works. Somehow I get an occasional comment posted using the Blogger system instead of JS-KIT, and if I remember to approve the comment, it gets posted. Maybe. I can't see them from home using Firefox, but they come through OK using IE at work.

I've read there's a process for downloading all your previous comments into an XML file and importing them into the DisQus comment system. I don't think I'll be doing that. For one, it's kind of a PITA. For two, I really don't have that many comments I feel the need to save.

Unlike a lot of the blogs I read, I've never particularly encouraged commenters. Oh, don't get me wrong, I LOVE to see comments, but I never fostered the dialogue in the comments section that a lot of other blogs do. Perhaps a major mistake on my part, 'cause they get a $h!tload more traffic than I do, but it is what it is.

I say what I have to say in my blogposts, and if you choose to leave a comment, well, have at. I never made a point to reply to each comment. Just how I chose to roll.

So, I dunno what will happen when they cut the power. They're also going to force the changeover to the new Blogger interface, which will almost completely fuck up my ability to post from home using the archaeo-Mac.

Well, it's not like I'm posting a lot anyway. But that's a post for another day...

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

You Really Don't Want To Know This

But I'm Gonna Tell You Anyway

Didja ever hear a lion roar?

Not the big angry "I'm A LION, MOTHAF#CKA!" roar, just the typical early evening "Yo, I'm a lion, and I'd like to announce that fact."

Kinda like this:

Anyway, after a meal last evening of Del Taco bean, cheese & red salsa burritos, my colon has been making sounds *exactly* like that for the past two hours.

I'm kinda scared to stand up for fear what might be awaiting on the seat cushion...

Monday, September 03, 2012

Monochrome Monica

Obsession Is Such A Strong Word...

It's been a while since I've posted some Monica Bellucci pix.

Let's fix that: