Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, June 29, 2009

Mandatory Training

The Horror! The Horror!!

Whether you're in the corporate world or the public sector, those two words in the title should send chills down your spine...

Tomorrow I'm slated to spend the better part of 8 hours in a seminar on Risk Mitigation training. No, not a session on how to not play Risk, but instead play Monopoly or Boggle, but a whole day on how not to show your ass to the general public in a manner that would attract lawsuits.

I'm so tempted to start swilling vodka on the drive to work, so that by the time I'm in the conference room, the world will take on a rosy shine, and the instructor's voice will fade to a dull hum as I drool on my shirt in the corner.

Look, it's not that there won't be anything useful taught, it's just that I live this stuff every single day. Any email you get from me in an official capacity has about 12k of legalese pasted to the bottom. We don't EVER talk to the press, and no matter how much we suck up to the whiners and malcontents, sooner or later someone gets a wad of sand in their cooch and sues us all lopsided. Usually they win.

I wonder if there's any way to test out of this...