Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome?

Almost Worse Than A Sharp Stick In The Eye

I'm on my bed last night doing my best imitation of a geriatric sloth with a pretty severe Quaalude habit, when for some reason I felt the need to stretch my feets out.

BIG mistake...

Usually one or both of the cats are down at the foot of the bed, so I have to be careful how I fling my feet about, lest I punt a cat into the hallway. Last night both Betsy Cat and Pookie Cat were elsewhere in the house, so I was able to stretch freely.

Left foot? Ah, good stretch. Get the toes wiggled sufficiently, and rotate the ankle to get the blood stirring.

Right foot? Point the toes and stretch the foot downward and...


Pain, glorious pain. Pain to make your bunghole clench up. Pain like you get when you have a charleyhorse, but this was on the front of my leg, not deep in the calf muscle.

From about midway up my shinbone all the way to my toes ran a solid band of agony. I tried moving my foot in the opposite direction, lifting my foot and pointing with my heel. No help. It hurt to move it, but when you stopped moving, it got 10 times worse. Left, right, up, down, rotate, no help at all.

Usually a charleyhorse will kick your ass for half a minute, then fade out. This was more persistent. I pulled myself up to a sitting position, and tried placing pressure on the floor while I stretched. No help at all...

At that point I figured "If they're gonna amputate, I'm going to have one last walkabout", so I got up and hobbled around the house, finally ending up in the bathroom. Not one to waste an opportunity, I took advantage of the sitting facilities and conducted some business.

At the conclusion of the transaction, the pain in my foot was gone. Completely. Not even any lingering stiffness.

I have no clue what happened, or if it will recur. All I know is, (using Liberal Moonbat Universal Healthcare Logic) if your foot hurts, take a dump and it gets better.