Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, June 05, 2006

Lose Weight Through Hate

A New Diet Plan Arises

Well, if you're going to cheat on your diet, might as well go whole hog. No pun intended. After eating the 2nd salad of the day yesterday, sans the diced ham and shredded cheese, since I'd already topped my protein/fat allowance for the weekend, I finally snapped last night and dashed over to Crap In A Box to get some real food before the season finale of 'The Sopranos'. I was gonna just cheat a little, to the tune of an Ultimate Cheeseburger and some of those potato wedges topped with melted cheese and bacon bits. Just a little, mind you.

I pulled up to the menu board, and Mirabile dictu! JITB now sells a patty melt! I do so dearly love a patty melt. Toasted sourdough bread, grilled onions, melted cheese... I knew I'd been right in blowing off the rabbit food.

Naturally, I ordered two. Of the double meat version. Might as well really abuse myself.

Turns out they taste like ass. Stale bread, icky meat, no onion flavor to speak of. Even a liberal dousing with garlic salt and ketchup couldn't save it. So, only 3/4 of one got eaten. The other languishes in the garbage can.

Sigh. Now, if I can only convince KFC to marinate their chicken in a Valvoline/vinegar mix, I'd quit going there, too.

Tip of the hat to Rockhauler, for being the first to mention the "lose weight through hate" quote some 13 years ago in response to the infomercial shriekings of this harpy.