Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Still Cuttin' Heads

Knee-Deep In The Bloody Mess

The horrorshow continues unabated here in The Man's realm...

The first department handed in the proposed RIF plan, including before & after org charts and the collection of "Get Out Of Jail Free" letters. Only three people were deemed worthy had irreplaceable skills, and the Angel Of Unemployment left them alone.

My estimate was off. I'd expected them to cut 41 people, but they came in under that amount. I heard through the grapevine that there was at least one person who elected to retire.

I went over to The Man's Tower Of Power for a meeting with the Chief Legal Beagle and quite a few of the HR types. They're quite concerned that this all go smoothly, but I can already see this turning into a shambolic affair.

F'rinstance, they assumed there would be someone from the Employee Assistance Program on hand when the pink slips are given out. They're trained for crisis intervention and post-axe counseling, but someone neglected to tell the planners that there's only three of them on the payroll. So, more money will need to be spent to bring in contractors. Last figure I heard was $175/hr. Times however many people it takes to process a couple of thousand...

Other fun facts:

This will be the largest layoff since the city was founded, and the first one where police officers and firefighters will get the axe.

The 2000+ figure was confirmed. The airport system was a recent addition to the list, and it was leaked to the press even before the news got to us. There's plenty of PO'ed bigwigs over that one. The Big Chief Muckity-Muck in HR promised he'd take scalps if any further leaks got out, specifically names and numbers. So, don't look for those here!

The employee's union wants to be a part of the procedure, but that won't happen. They'll be allowed to offer post-layoff support & whatever else a union in a right-to-work state can supply, but they can't be present when the axe falls.

There's untold amounts of $$$ that'll be have to be paid out in vacation time and sick leave. The saving grace here is that those people short on tenure and low on performance usually don't have much time saved up. God knows the shitbird employees I used to manage used up their vacation time as soon as they accrued it...

The decision on whether or not to allow a laid-off employee to work their last 45 days will be left up to the department director's discretion. This is an improvement over the previous plan that had everyone sent home on Admin Leave. As the Legal Beagle sez "If it's in the best interest of The Man to send them home, then that's what you do."

More news as I know it, but keep your eyes on the local rags. I won't be telling you anything you can't find out from there!