Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Booze Reviews #3

OK, time for another installment. Tonight's sample is one of the libations Bee-Boy and I sampled the other night in the Cheap Booze Taste-O-Rama.

Looks like a nice smoky scotch in that crystal highball glass, doesn't it? Well, it wasn't, and we'll have to boil those glasses to get the rank smell of this ratpiss out of them.

This was a 24 oz. can of Olde English 800 "HG800 High Gravity" malt liquor. I dunno what the high gravity has to do with anything. I suppose if you drink a few of these, you'll be simulating a pedestrian on Jupiter, where you weigh 2.5 times your normal weight. Or it could be the 8% (16 proof) alcohol content. Either way, you won't ever want more than one can of this swill unless you're suicidal, or have had all your taste buds removed via a belt-sander.

To say the taste was sour and metallic would be giving preference to sucking on a moldy lemon studded with rusty carpet tacks. There was little or no bitter hop taste, and very little carbonation, probably to aid you in quickly guzzling this foul brew to get the alcohol hit before you realize how bad it is. No foamy head to speak of, and it tasted awfully flat. There was a noticeable alcohol aroma coming off the liquid, presumably to advertise its "Eff You Up!" qualities.

Only 3 out of 10 pulltabs for this nasty stuff. That might sound high, but I would give bar-towel squeezings a single pulltab just for the intoxicating properties.

Olde English 800 "HG800 High Gravity" malt liquor.
Escape its orbit by any means necessary.