Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Greatest Hits? Already???

OK, it's a bit early for "Best Of Baboon Pirates", but I did have a life before the blog, and a few scribbles of mine exist that have caused untold quarts of milk to suddenly jet from my friends & family's collective schnozzes upon reading.

So, since I'm kinda jammed up going into the holidays, here's some old favorites I still get requests for.


Well, for those of you that don't follow rec.arts.sf.written, it's a newsgroup for SciFi/fantasy readers, and often really funny side discussions crop up. A while ago someone posted that a musical stageplay version of Lord Of The Rings was set to debut in London in 2005. After we all stopped laughing and cleaned up the drinks that had snorted out of our nose and onto our keyboards and monitors, someone posted the idea that maybe what we REALLY needed was a Muppet LOTR adaptation, with a mix of Muppet show and Sesame Street characters.

Anyway, much mirth and merriment ensued, so let me pass on some of the suggestions that were made, in addition to some of my own, in hopes of passing on some amusement.

BTW, this is a complilation of many previous poster's material, plus some of my additions.

The Fellowship:
Kermit as Bilbo Baggins and his nephew Robin as Frodo Baggins.
Gonzo as Aragorn
Scooter as Sam Gamgee
Fozzie as Boromir ("Bearomir, get it? Wakawaka!")
Prof. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker for Gimli and Legolas. (though Bert & Ernie are serious contenders)
Andy and Randy Pig (Miss Piggy's dumb nephews) as Merry & Pippin
Statler & Waldorf for Gandalf and Saruman. (Statler's the taller one, he'd be a better Saruman)

Good Guys -
Link Hogthrob as Eomer
Dr. Julius Strangepork as Theoden
Miss Piggy as Eowyn (leading to the climactic "Hi-Yaa!" scene with the Witch-King)
Riders of Rohan - Other pigs in Viking suits (The Viking pigs singing "In The Navy" still makes me ROTFLMAO)
Oscar the Grouch as Denethor.
Rowlf as Faramir
Sam the American Eagle would make a pretty good Elrond (good, noble, never does anything)
Camilla the Chicken as Arwen (she was Gonzo's girlfriend on Muppet Show)
Janis and Dr. Floyd Pepper (From Electric Mayhem Band) as Galadriel and Celeborn
Lew Zealand (fish-flinger) as Haldir
Big Bird as Gwaihir the Wind Lord.
Prairie Dawn as Rosie Cotton (Sam's girlfriend)
Dr. Teeth as Barliman Butterbur
The Swedish Chef as Tom Bombadil

Not-So-Good Guys:
Grover as Gollum
The Count von Count as the Witchking (head Nazgul) "One, one dead hobbit! Aa Aa Aahhh!"
Pepe the Prawn (from movies and Long John Silver's commercials) as Grima Wormtongue
Snuffleupagus as one of Sauron's war elephants.
Sweetums the Monster as Cave Troll
Rizzo the Rat as Orc captain
Animal as the Balrog. (remember giant Animal in Muppet Movie?)
Orcs & goblins - Muppet rats & chickens
Cookie Monster (with extra legs grafted on) as Shelob - Note: The Muppet show did have a giant muppet spider in one episode, but Cookie Monster really needs a role, plus he's good at gobbling things down.
H. Ross Parrot as voice of Sauron ("Now see here... You can't hide! I see you with that ring!"

Muppets still needing a role -
Zoot & Lips from Electric Mayhem Band
Beauregard the Janitor
Crazy Harry the bomb flinger
The News Anchorman
Koozbanian aliens (NopeNopeNopeNope!)
Mahna mahna guy
Amazing Mumford - magician "a la peanut butter sandwiches!"