Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Well, that wuz ignunt...

OK, for the record, should you ever decide to buy a bunch of different cans & bottles of booze, then take them over to a buddy's house to have a little tasting party, just DON'T do it!

Several months ago, I stumbled upon this web page, where a bunch of crazy yobbos though it would be fun to taste-test several varieties of... shall we say... less than vintage wines. That got a giggle, as I've had my share of Thunderbird & Mad Dog experiences myself in days of yore. That article led to a hunt for more in the same genre, eventually leading to this page and this page. Naturally, I sent all the links to my drinking partner of 22 years (let's call him Little Bee-Boy, 'cause he'll hate that) who thought that conducting our own private sampling session would be a Capital Idea.

How wrong we were...

We had a few abortive tries in the past 6 weeks or so. Not too many shops in our "flighty-whitey" predominately Caucasian area of town stock a decent selection of malt liquors when we went looking for some samples. When we finally ventured into an area where lots of malt liquor could be had, I pussied out when Bee-Boy starting pulling 40's of Old English 800 off the cooler shelf. Instead we settled for a sixer of Mickey's in the widemouth bottles as a consolation prize.

On the wedding trip last week, however, I had the opportunity to stop for some libations at Majestic Liquor in E. Fort Worth, a locale long known for stocking all known brands of rotgut. I took the opportunity to stock up on a few interesting items, which came home to Houston with me.

Having nothing much better to do last night, I placed them all in the cooler, iced them down, then after a plate of cheap Tex-Mex in a local dive, (Mistake #1) I steered the PimpSled over to Bee-Boy's house for an old-fashioned taste-test. We started off with the malt liquors (Mistake #2), then switched to hard ciders. (Mistake #3) We then finished with a "flavored malt beverage." (which would have been (Mistake #4), except it wasn't all that bad, barring the swampwater color and the Hawaiian Punch taste)

I'm proud to say I remained relatively sober for the duration of the test. Since most of the items were in 24 oz. cans (or smaller) and split two ways, we figured that neither one of us had much more than a 6-pack each, even when accounting for the increased alcohol content of the malt liquor.

The problem was not so much the volume, but the variety. While mixing fermented beverage types is nowhere near as deleterious as mixing grain & grape, or fermented & distilled types, I still felt extremely queasy last night after arriving home. Last night, in the words of Saint Buffett of Margaritaville, I "dreamt me some tremulous dreams" and awoke this morning feeling like shitweasels were burrowing in my GI tract.

So, I'm sitting here with my Maalox on one side, and the bottle of Aleve on the other, wondering how I'm gonna decipher these tasting notes. I may just go the next 6 weeks without a drink, and maintain the one-a-week schedule. I dunno.

Anyway, stay tuned. Lots more Booze Reviews from this particular debacle are ahead!