Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I Can't Has Cheeseburger!!

The Possums Ate Well Last Night...

It's 3 in the afternoon, and I'm still mildly traumatized by the events of last night.

I had to pitch $7 worth of cheeseburgers, dammit!

Cheeseburgers, I say! Not some pissant ham sammich, but glorious fresh hot delicious double-meat cheeseburgers! Second only to chilidogs in the Pantheon of Godlike Comestibles!


Distrust. I did not believe my burger purveyor.

See, it happend like this...

I was at Sonic Drive In for the usual Tuesday Night Two-fer. Buy one cheeseburger, get the 2nd free. One yummy double cheeseburger for dinner, a 2nd one to pop in the fridge for lunch today. (I usually peel off the lettuce & tomatoes and nuke it)
As it turned out, they didn't do the Two-fer deal last night for some reason, so I paid full price.

As I'm waiting in the pole position in the drive-thru lane, I see a carhop drop a bag of burgers off at one of the tables out front. The occupants open the bag, pull out two burgers & unwrap them, and are about to chow down when the manager comes racing out, scoops up the burgers (which looked a lot like double-meat cheeseburgers) and takes them back inside.

A few seconds later, I see the carhop bring another bag of burgers out to the table. Obviously the wrong order got delivered. So, what became of the other burgers?

Well, a conscientious manager would dump 'em in the garbage and make new ones. However, the carhop went back inside, was in there no more than a few seconds, when out she comes with a bag of burgers for me. Looks a whole heckuva lot like the bag that just got pulled back inside...


While she's inside running my credit card, I peel open the bag and unwrap the burgers to peek inside. Yep, they're double cheseburgers, but... but...

Do these burgers look shopworn?? There's mysterious divots in the bun, like fingers that squeezed too hard stuffing them back in the envelope-style wrapper. The burgers look slightly disheveled, too.

Nope, I ain't falling for it. These are secondhand cheeseburgers!

When the carhop comes back out, I was pretty direct. I told her I suspected that cheeseburger shenanigans were in effect.

Naturally, she denied any knowledge of cheeseburger shenanigans, but would go ask the manager.

His reply via the carhop? Enjoy your fresh tasty cheeseburgers! Yes, we have no shenanigans! ThankYouComeAgain!

So, I drive off, headed for home.

That seed of doubt sprouted quickly, however, and a mile down the road had grown into a tree of raging indecision and mistrust.

There just wasn't time for fresh burgers to appear. The staff was severely in the weeds, only one carhop, one grill guy, an order taker and the manager were busting ass to fill orders on a crowded evening. It's possible that fresh burgers were on deck, but I was watching them stage orders, and I just didn't believe 'em.

So, a block from home, with a howl of disgust, two double cheeseburgers went soaring into the night air, to land I know not where. I ended up eating a can of soup, which is pretty gotdamn far down the list in the Pantheon of Godlike Comestibles

I'm eating at Burger King or Whataburger for a while... Sonic has received a Vote of No Confidence from El Capitan!