Another "Senior Moment"

I often think about relocating to some far-off corner of the state. Quit being a small fish in a huge tank, move to a smaller town, and be El Tiburon Grande in my own little municipal fishbowl.

I keep catching my parents doing odd things, though. Makes me wonder what nonsense they'd get up to if I wasn't nearby.

Now, I'm fully aware that they've managed to get by for 69 and 66 years without my assistance, but the Befuddled Senilometer keep pushing into the red zone, and it worries me.

Mom was microwaving saltines yesterday. Yup, putting 'em on a plate and nuking them "for extra crispiness". Problem was, she apparently set the timer for half an hour, 'cause by the time I came by to bring Dad his dinner (Mom was out on a hen party excursion), the crackers were a nice shade of mahogany, the plate was indelibly stained with scorch marks, and the house had the unique aroma of Zesta flambe. Ever smell burnt microwave popcorn? This was worse.

I fret constantly about them being online. We've had our tutorials about not responding to Nigerians needing to export $20 million, and how to never give out any personal and financial info as a response to an email, but somehow spyware and malware just keeps getting installed on the PC.

I felt like we were doing the "Who broke the lamp" routine from my childhood in reverse. Now, it's me saying "OK, I promise I won't be upset... please just tell me who clicked on the 'Your PC needs an upgrade now, CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS' button!" while both of them avoid my eyes and shuffle their feet.

Sigh. Maybe I could try grounding them. Take away their cable modem for a week or something.