Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Kingdom Of Boredom

I'm trying of something positive and uplifting to say regarding the movie 'Kingdom Of Heaven', which I viewed last night. I am, however, drawing a blank. It's just not that good a movie.

It wasn't the Islamic love-fest that the hard right wing blogs say it is. It's not full of Christian Crusaders putting babies on pikes, as the Moonbat crowd claims. It seemed to find a balance between the two religions, in terms of having an equal number of assholes on either side.

The lead actor was too young for the part. The lead female looked more like a suburban mall-rat/goth grrrl than a princess of Jerusalem. The only other female in the movie with any length of face time was dead for her entire scene. The swordplay was sloppy, the trebuchets flung flaming cans of gasoline impossible distances, and like the last couple of Ridley Scott features I've seen, the entire film was kind of a murky grey color, even in the blinding desert sunlight.

It didn't completely suck. It just wasn't very good. Your mileage may vary.