'Song Of The Bottom-Heavy Woman'

Where El Capitan blatantly rips off Rodney Carrington's "Dear Penis" song

This is dedicated to Christina, who says she falls in the "Pert full-figured" category. I can't verify that claim, mind you. If I went looking for confirmatory evidence, it'd wind up being a choice between Dash shooting me, or Christina applying her new toy to my epidermis. So, I'll just take her word for it.

(Sung by a "Bottom-Heavy Woman", not me, ya pervs...)

Oh, my nipples, how I fear you don't love me anymore...
You used to watch me put on my makeup;
now you both just stare at the floor.
Oh, nipples, are you gone forevermore??

How I miss your pert & perky gaze,
When you would entrance all the men for days;
Used to be there were none finer,
But now you only look towards China
Oh, my nipples, I don't love you anymore...

But I've a plan to perk me up,
and never again pour you in a brassiere cup;
We're going to visit good Dr. Flynn
and he'll nip and tuck and shoot silicon in;
Oh, my nipples, it's great to see you once again!