Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Late Night Cop Chase

Some Words Of Warning & Way-out Wisdom

The title of this post refers to a CD I burned many years back, a collection of the rawest, most head-banging tune-age that I could assemble. It was an attempt to have some highway music that would keep me awake on my nocturnal jaunts all over Texas. It occurred to me when the burning program prompted me to insert a CD title that one good way to keep alert was to have a dozen rollers blinking & flashing in your rear-view mirror as you blew past a roadblock at 120 mph at 3 a.m.

So why bring all this up? We had a cop chase yesterday here in H-town. Some scumbag stole a car and lit a shuck for parts distant, with Johnny Law in hot pursuit.

It ended as these things usually do, with an innocent bystander being turned into Pâté Citoyen, and the perp being thoroughly tasered and hauled off to the Graybar Hotel.

This brought out the usual crowd of whiners, screeching about the general irresponsibility of the Po-leece, and how HPD's chase policies are shite, and that no car thief's apprehension is ever worth an innocent life.

It does pain me greatly that a 24 year old mother of two was killed. It's a senseless tragedy, but it's NOT the fault of the police, as far as I'm concerned. All blame lies on the scumbag car thief, and he ought to fry for what he did.

So, how do you reduce these incidents of people running from the police?

I have a suggestion, and you might not like it.

First of all, a message to the thugs out there. Look, holmes. If you're running from the po-po's, it means you effed up. You needed to plan your caper a little better. Remember the 6 P's! Proper Planning Prevents Pissed-off Police Presence!

And yeah, I know all about the fight-or-flight biological response, and the crazy-ass decisions people make when they've got a quart of newly-excreted adrenaline coursing through their system. What's needed is a deterrent so overwhelming that the mere thought of it will override the innate flight response, and get these scumbags to pull over to the side of the road when the rollers pop up in their mirrors.

Here's the deal...

Run from the cops, and you get the beat-down of your life.

Every 1/4 mile you fail to pull over and surrender, and once you crash out or get the PIT maneuver used on your dumb ass, the cops get a solid minute to whale the living shit outta your hide, free of cameras and supervisors.

10 miles running from the law? That's 40 minutes of uninterrupted Rodney King-style whoopass the cops get to apply to your exterior. When they snap off that PR-24 in your rectum, concerned citizen's groups will be standing by to hand over a new one, still in the shink-wrap.

For training purposes, police cadets and Boy Scout law enforcement-oriented Explorer Posts will be allowed to step in with ASP batons and old-fashioned truncheons.

They're gonna get to beat you like a rented mule. Smack you like a red-headed stepchild. Pound on you like a drum, and when it's all over, they'll drag you off to the drunk tank, and maybe let a medic look at you in a day or so.

Think I might be a bit brutal? Fuckin' A right I am. You run from the cops in a high-speed road chase, you're doing more than evading the law. You're willfully endangering the general public in a wanton and destructive manner, and IMHO you should lose some of your rights as a result.

So, pull your ass over, you ignunt clown, or my next idea will call for Apache choppers, 25mm chainguns and Hellfire missiles.