Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Seeking Stalker Advice

My Antisocial Behavior Knows No Bounds...

OK, I might catch some flak for this, but I'm asking for some advice.

El Capitan does not date the wimmens very much. El Capitan is not opposed to the idea, but his bulbous physique and shiny dome do not exactly leave the wimmens breathless with desire. Actually, it leaves El Capitan breathless after a flight of stairs, but we'll not go there just now. Let's just say that he hasn't dated since somewhere in the Eisenhower administration, it seems.

El Cap has made the acquaintance of a nice young woman whom he meets occasionally on the shuttle ride out to the remote parking lot. They chat at length about any old subject, and for a time, each seemed to look forward to that day's conversation.

El Capitan is excellent at remembering faces, but is VERY bad at names. He knows this. It is an ongoing problem, especially with people he serves on boards & commissions with that meet but once a month. He wishes people had names tattooed on foreheads at birth.

So, El Cap was told this young woman's first & last name, but like a dimwitted tool he has since forgotten them. Enough time had passed that he felt like an idiot to be asking for them again. Since her name badge hangs right in the (very nice) cleavage region, El Cap has not tried to sneak peeks to rediscover this name discreetly, lest he look like a creepy lech.

For what it's worth, the nice young woman did not call El Cap by name either, so the memory thing may be mutual.

At any rate, much conversation can be started with "Hey, how are you today!" and "Been waiting for the shuttle a while?" before delving deeper into the day's events. And so life went on.

At some point though, you reach the occasion that a social invitation ought to be issued. After discovering that each party is single and not entering Holy Orders, and you seem somewhat compatible, you ask the other out for a drink, or to lunch, or some other locale free of workplace associations in order to pursue matters further. Even without the application of double bourbons, El Capitan felt that the time had come to make the leap, and see what happened.

And then disaster struck, in the form of a shift change.

The nice young woman was no longer on the same schedule as before. El Capitan knows she is still employed by The Man, as her car is still parked at the remote lot daily. However, in spite of his weird-ass schedule that has him in & out more often than a tongue in the back room of a dyke bar, El Cap has yet to cross paths again with the nice young woman.

Some weeks have passed, and things are looking grim. Not knowing what floor the nice young woman works on has made it almost impossible in a building of 2500+ to track her down. El Cap has duties of his own to accomplish, and cannot spend day after day going floor to floor, even if the access badge system wasn't in place.

El Capitan has several options for making contact, but every one seems to be unacceptably creepy and stalker-ish, especially for someone who was an extremely casual acquaintance. The wimmenfolks in these parts are pretty skittish these days, and El Cap would just as soon avoid a faceful of mace or a restraining order.

So, here's my question for all y'all... Which of the following is the LEAST creepy and stalker-ish method of re-establishing contact?

1) The note left on the car

2) camping out in the lobby for 4 hours.

3) camping out in the remote lot in the bus shelter

4) camping out in the remote lot parked next to her car

5) standing outside in a tight t-shirt screaming "STELLLAAAAAA!!!!!"

6) Using rubber cement to adhere my nekkid carcass to the glass revolving door

7) Let it slide... that one got away!

Need your answers soonish, y'all... Press the button below!