You Are NOT Allergic To Pot...
Look, Just Say No Already!
I've made no secret of the fact that I was a bit of a pothead back in the day. My first inhale was made as a freshman in high school in 1982, my last exhale was in 2003. I'd been 100% on the wagon since '96 or thereabouts, but I stumbled across my old honey-bear bong when I moved to Houston in Jan. 2003, and thought "What the hell..."
I'm not particularly proud of my weed-smoking past. I do try to walk the straight & narrow path most of the time, and even though dope was only made illegal (IMHO) to the efforts of the alcohol & wood pulp/paper industries, along with the early 20th century racial scares about dark-skinned hopheads having their way with the white wimmens, it's still illegal, and my distaste for incarceration outweighs my preference for illegal intoxicants.
OTOH, I'm not ashamed of smoking the marijohoonie, either. Me and 97.5 million other Americans have huffed the hashpipe in the past, and somehow, the country keeps rolling along.
Every so often I'll run across someone that insists they've never tried weed because "I'm allergic to it".
Bullshit.
Look, it's OK to walk the straightedge path. If you don't want to smoke the reefer, just say so. I've had the most bodacious blunts and luscious magic brownies pass before me, and somehow I've dredged up the intestinal fortitude to ignore peer pressure (which doesn't go away when you're adults, kiddies) and take a pass. Falling back on some lame-ass excuse that "I'm allergic!" just makes you sound like a pussy. You're either scared of trying it, 'cause you still believe that "one puff and you're a psycho" Reefer Madness propaganda, or you're scared to say no in front of your stoner buddies.
"But..but..but... I *AM* allergic, El Cap, you bastard!" sez the whiners.
No, you're probably not. Know how I know? I asked my allergist. They don't do the skin scratch test or the needle skin-pop series with cannabinoid concentrates, so there's no way you got a medical diagnosis that you're allergic to the herbage.
"But..but..but... when I try to smoke dope, I hack & cough and get all mucous-y and my nose runs!!"
Well, Dr. House, if you don't smoke tobacco, it's no wonder some raw unfiltered ditchweed is choking you up. Even if you do smoke, try ripping off the filter or buying a pack of Chesterfields and see how that treats your lungs. Hell, a 3-liter powerbong hit had me gasping for oxygen for the better part of a week. There's a slight possibility that you're sensitive to mold spores that can be present on badly-cured weed, but in this era of hydroponics and growlights, that's rare.
"But..but..but... when I tried pot brownies, I threw up bucketfuls!! I gotta be allergic!!"
How much did you have to drink that night, Sparky? Usually when the Tupperware container of magic brownies gets uncorked, the party's been rolling for hours, and you were already halfway loaded. Then, you kept right on drinking wondering when the rush was gonna hit you. I know, I've watched plenty of you noobs, and you just have no idea how to moderate. Also, no telling what's in those brownies. I'm fairly sure they don't spray dope fields with Paraquat anymore, but you never know...
If you don't want to smoke, just say so. I can respect that. When I hear you beg off due to "allergies", A) I strongly suspect you're lying, which puts everything else that comes outta your pie-hole in question, and B) I strongly suspect you're a pussy, which is almost as bad, and C) Since I won't be smoking weed as long as I'm at this stupid piss-testing job, you can use me as a moral crutch if the need arises, so there's no need to lie!
Don't say "I'm allergic", just say "El Cap and I could schmoke the schwag if we wanted to, but we just choose not to. 'Cause we're cool like that." Stick with me on this, and later we'll have fun sipping single-malt scotch & throwing Twinkies at the almost comatose but still ravenous potheads collapsed on the couch.
I've made no secret of the fact that I was a bit of a pothead back in the day. My first inhale was made as a freshman in high school in 1982, my last exhale was in 2003. I'd been 100% on the wagon since '96 or thereabouts, but I stumbled across my old honey-bear bong when I moved to Houston in Jan. 2003, and thought "What the hell..."
I'm not particularly proud of my weed-smoking past. I do try to walk the straight & narrow path most of the time, and even though dope was only made illegal (IMHO) to the efforts of the alcohol & wood pulp/paper industries, along with the early 20th century racial scares about dark-skinned hopheads having their way with the white wimmens, it's still illegal, and my distaste for incarceration outweighs my preference for illegal intoxicants.
OTOH, I'm not ashamed of smoking the marijohoonie, either. Me and 97.5 million other Americans have huffed the hashpipe in the past, and somehow, the country keeps rolling along.
Every so often I'll run across someone that insists they've never tried weed because "I'm allergic to it".
Bullshit.
Look, it's OK to walk the straightedge path. If you don't want to smoke the reefer, just say so. I've had the most bodacious blunts and luscious magic brownies pass before me, and somehow I've dredged up the intestinal fortitude to ignore peer pressure (which doesn't go away when you're adults, kiddies) and take a pass. Falling back on some lame-ass excuse that "I'm allergic!" just makes you sound like a pussy. You're either scared of trying it, 'cause you still believe that "one puff and you're a psycho" Reefer Madness propaganda, or you're scared to say no in front of your stoner buddies.
"But..but..but... I *AM* allergic, El Cap, you bastard!" sez the whiners.
No, you're probably not. Know how I know? I asked my allergist. They don't do the skin scratch test or the needle skin-pop series with cannabinoid concentrates, so there's no way you got a medical diagnosis that you're allergic to the herbage.
"But..but..but... when I try to smoke dope, I hack & cough and get all mucous-y and my nose runs!!"
Well, Dr. House, if you don't smoke tobacco, it's no wonder some raw unfiltered ditchweed is choking you up. Even if you do smoke, try ripping off the filter or buying a pack of Chesterfields and see how that treats your lungs. Hell, a 3-liter powerbong hit had me gasping for oxygen for the better part of a week. There's a slight possibility that you're sensitive to mold spores that can be present on badly-cured weed, but in this era of hydroponics and growlights, that's rare.
"But..but..but... when I tried pot brownies, I threw up bucketfuls!! I gotta be allergic!!"
How much did you have to drink that night, Sparky? Usually when the Tupperware container of magic brownies gets uncorked, the party's been rolling for hours, and you were already halfway loaded. Then, you kept right on drinking wondering when the rush was gonna hit you. I know, I've watched plenty of you noobs, and you just have no idea how to moderate. Also, no telling what's in those brownies. I'm fairly sure they don't spray dope fields with Paraquat anymore, but you never know...
If you don't want to smoke, just say so. I can respect that. When I hear you beg off due to "allergies", A) I strongly suspect you're lying, which puts everything else that comes outta your pie-hole in question, and B) I strongly suspect you're a pussy, which is almost as bad, and C) Since I won't be smoking weed as long as I'm at this stupid piss-testing job, you can use me as a moral crutch if the need arises, so there's no need to lie!
Don't say "I'm allergic", just say "El Cap and I could schmoke the schwag if we wanted to, but we just choose not to. 'Cause we're cool like that." Stick with me on this, and later we'll have fun sipping single-malt scotch & throwing Twinkies at the almost comatose but still ravenous potheads collapsed on the couch.
posted by El Capitan | 5:28 PM
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