Doin' The Tampico Two-Step!

Mi Culo Es Cansado, Rojo y Muy Caliente!

Didja ever notice that Cherry Pepto-Bismol smells exactly like pink cotton candy?

Sure doesn't taste like it, though...

Between the Imodium, the Kaopectate & the Pepto, the crisis is mostly behind me. Wait, who am I kidding? The crisis was ALWAYS behind me...

No clue what started this colonic flood tide. I got very little sleep last night. I just couldn't risk dropping off into a slumber, and having some nocturnal fart turn into a seweriffic version of Old Faithful.

Ever have a really bad cold where you blow your nose so often it gets red & chapped? Well, let's just say I'm regretting my purchase of bargain-quality buttpaper. I'm thinking I ought to stop off and get a tub of baby wipes on the way home, preferably with lanolin and lidocaine. I wonder if they even make baby wipes with a topical anaesthetic? I suppose I could just hose down each wipe with a spray of Solarcaine. That oughta work...

I almost wish I had the toilet wired for sound... when that baby wipe hits the bunghole, it's gonna sound just like when you take a piece of red-hot iron off the anvil and toss it in the quench bucket!

'Scuse me for a minute... gotta go hit the facilities. Can't trust a fart these days...