Does D-Con Make Crab Spray?

A Fictional Fable Concerning Outsized Arthropods

...so, there we were on vacation on the tropical island of Guam... Shackin' up in a timeshare, drinkin' rum...

Went out to take out the trash, and there was this enormous crustacean from the Paleozoic hangin' off the garbage can...

I said "DAMN!" and went & got a broom. That enormous crustacean from the Paleozoic tore it up into chopsticks and farted in my general direction.

I said "HEY, you got-damned crustacean! I need to throw away these rum bottles! Get the hell off that trashcan!"

The enormous crustacean said "Well, I'll be needin' some compensation for my trouble."

I said "What kind of tariff are we talkin' about here?"

The enormous crustacean said "Well, I'm-a need about tree-fiddy."

I'm pretty sure that bastard crustacean spent it on a bottle of Night Train. Last time I ever go to Guam...