Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust

If You Don't Use It, Your Hoo-Hah Will Rust!

Mom just called me at work. She and her brother have hatched a plan to travel back to Ye Olde Hometowne next week in order to scatter my grandmother GiGi's ashes.

I'm surprised they're not going to wait until next summer, and take care of it at the usual Gathering Of The Clan. It's not like GiGi's ashes are going anywhere. She died in 2002, and the marble urn has been sitting on Mom & Dad's buffet table ever since. I always got a giggle the few times Mom & Dad had relatives over for an Easter cookout. You'd pick up a plate at one end, and select your food from the items lined up on the buffet... Chips, hot dogs, relish, mustard, GiGi's ashes, onions, cheese...

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how I feel about them dumping the ashes, especially after all this time. I'm sort of tempted to sneak in one night when Mom's not around, and scoop out a teaspoon or two, just for old time's sake.

I suppose that's pretty morbid... I also have no clue what I'd put them in. It's not like you could use an old film canister. Well, I suppose you could, but you'd have to stash it away forever. Can you imagine this?

"Dude! You're back! Man, I hope you're cool with this, but we just snorted up all those old bong-scrapings you had in that old film can!"

"YOU ASSHOLE! YOU JUST SNORTED UP MY GRANDMOTHER!!"

Ah, well. Probably best to let Mom & my uncle dump 'em all.

I wonder... what does one do with the empty urn afterwards? I think GiGi would agree that it might make an excellent cigar humidor!