Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Chicken With A Side Of Penis

A Tale Of Two Appetites

I'll say this... Working for The Man is rarely dull!

A bit of a hoo-rah at one of the outlying facilities. I doubt it'll make headlines, but as the story was related to me, a bucket of fried chicken led to some exposed schlong & a fistfight in the lunchroom.

We've got a local chain of fried chicken purveyors known as Frenchy's. It's OK, I suppose, better than Popeye's, but I don't think that it's any better than Church's or KFC.

OK, it goes something like this:

Guy #1 walks in with a bucket of chicken. He shares chicken with Guy #2, Guy #3, and Guy #4, who have contributed towards the bucket of said chicken.

Guy #5 sits down, looks at his forlorn PB & J sammich, and covets that hot, steaming fried chicken. Guy #5 makes a remark along the lines of "Damn, I'd suck a dick for a piece of that chicken."

Guy #3 reaches in the bucket, grabs a leg and tosses it to Guy #5. Guy #5 eats piece of fried chicken, and slurps the meat off the bone.

Guy #3 stands up, says "Pay up, bitch! Slurp this bone!!" and unleashes by what most accounts was a prize-winning schlong. Guy #3 waves aforementioned schlong in Guy #5's face, and seemed to honestly expect Guy #5 to perform fellatio in the lunchroom.

Guy #5 tries to punch Guy #3 in the groinal-crotchable area, but misses. Guy #3, in fine cockfighting form, aims a thrust with his waggling genitalia to taunt Guy #5.

Guy #5 leaps backward to avoid contact with the rampant pantaloon python. He backs into the lunchroom table, upending it and the bucket of chicken.

This enrages Guy #1, Guy #2, & Guy #4, who blame Guy #2 and Guy #5 equally, and a donnybrook ensues.

In the end, no dicks were sucked, most of the chicken was wasted, and all 5 will most likely get a 2 week suspension.

El Capitan will most likely be spending the next month touring remote facilities reminding The Man's peons to keep their tallywhackers under wraps while on the job...