Operation KinderSchitt

It's Fun Being A Mean Old Man!

OK, Halloween is almost upon us, and this year is gonna be the year to make some random child crap their drawers...

Now, you gotta understand, it's just the principle of the thing.  I ain't got anything against the little sprogs.  Hell, I used to BE one.  Still, it's Halloween, Devil's Night.  They expect to be scared, and I aim to oblige.

First, you lure them in.

I'm handing out some good stuff this year.  I picked up several dozen of the chemlight wands in assorted colors.  They don't get handed out until after dark, though.  Also, I've decided to go for premium candy.  None of that ghetto crap, like Mary Janes, Now & Laters, or those awful orange & brown wrapper peanut butter shitballs.

I'll be in plain sight under the porch light, just a big jolly fat dude smoking a stogie and holding a bowl of candy.

Just above the roofline, however, will lurk my leetle friend...

I'm gonna find a big hairy spider, or reasonable facsimile, and string it from the overhead branch on the oak tree outside the front door, and run some monofilament down around the porch and up to the back of my chair. 

After they turn to leave the porch, Mr. Spider can be dropped down to hopefully an immediate laxative effect.

We shall see...  You can always spend a fortune on a houseful of creepy-crawlies, or just have one completely unexpected scare...