Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Lock Me Up On Weekends!

Or at least lock up the checkbook!

Wow, how can one guy do so much damage to a bank account in three days? I was spending cash like a drunken sailor, and I didn't even get a single drink until late Monday evening!

One trip to wally-World for assorted stuff - $72
Saturday Lunch with Mom - $16
Refilling liquor stash with scotch and rum - $59
Dinner at crappy restaurant Sunday evening - $24
Monday lunch at steakhouse at the Hilton - $18

Realizing you can't save a nickel - Priceless...

Some of the spending wwas necessary, some less so. Monday's conference at the GRBCC was packed, so the only place available to have lunch without a hour's wait (other than a vending machine in the Hilton) was the pricy steakhouse. I suppose I could have just bought one bottle of booze instead of two. Dinner at TGI Chili-Gans was forgettable.

Erg. Now that I'm remembering that meal, I'm just gonna rant. I get these strange urges to go eat at restaurants that I know could very well suck, either on a Quixotic quest to find the one jewel in their menu, or to confirm that Yes, they really do suck monkey balls.

Well, I'm here to tell you, TGI Friday's sucks monkey balls. I guess I just felt like having some teenaged waiter covered in flair suck up to me for hopes of a good tip. I really can't imagine why else I would have picked the place. The last time I can remember eating at a TGI Fridays was at least 5 years ago. I've dabbled with Chili's and Bennigans over the years, but for some reason, I'd avoided their candy-striped clone. Maybe I'm just allergic to goofy shit on the walls and mozzerella sticks.

I was seated quickly, but had the misfortune to be placed in "Misty's" section. Misty had the veneer of the perky flair-loving waitron, but she couldn't quite mask her "I don't want to be here" attitude. She spent the majority of the evening fucking up orders on 4 separate tables, mine not included. My service was OK until the end, it was just the food that sucked.

The chicken finger appetizer was OK, breaded fowl digits coated with the sweet whisky BBQ sauce that TGI Friday's slathers on everything. Not the best I've ever had, but certainly acceptable. Huge portion, too. I had intended on getting a steak, but cut that back to a dinner salad after plowing through the poultry.

I should have stuck with the steak idea. Somewhere along the line, someone at Friday's decided that it would be OK to use shredded lettuce in the dinner salads. Have you ever tried to eat a salad made with shredded lettuce? I mean, it's OK on burgers or tacos, but your fork can't really stab it, and it just lets all the dressing drip through it like water off a mop. Messy, hard to eat, and just a pain in the ass. I surmise they ran out of regular greens, and fell back on the taco fillers.

The 'vinaigrette' was just awful. Way too much vinegar. It almost gave me an esophageal rupture, there was so much acetic acid in it. It didn't go real well with the dried cranberries and blue cheese and mandarin oranges, either.

The worst part was the pecan-crusted chicken breast. Not that it wasn't tasty, but one small slip-up, and your whole evening is shot. See, I was expecting a piping-hot fried boneless pecan-crusted chicken breast to be on top of that salad. My mouth was waiting specifically for a piping-hot fried boneless pecan-crusted chicken breast on top of that salad. when I took my first mouthful, and instead got well-chilled fried boneless pecan-crusted chicken breast on top of my salad, I was so disappointed I wanted to send it back. I should've, but I'm kind of a weenie in that regard. See, I couldn't remember what the menu said. If it said Cold Chicken in the description, then the fault was mine for not paying close enough attention.

So, I asked sweet little Misty to bring me a menu. Here's where she got on my wrong side. Instead of just bringing the menu, she asked me "What for?" Not what I wanted to hear at that point. Why? So I can beat you with it, child. Why do you think? I explained the chicken situation, and said it tasted OK for cold chicken, but it wasn't what I expected. Well, Misty's not sure either, so she runs off to see what it says.

You'd expect her to return with a menu, right? Wrong. She trots back with a tale about how it's indeed served cold, but if I wanted it hot, I needed to have said something while ordering. Ummm... OK. How was I supposed to know? Where's the menu? Well, Misty has not brought one. Since I said it tasted OK, she says (and I swear this is true...) "We'll just treat this as a learning experience".

Yeah, I just learned right then I'll never set foot in a TGI Friday's again. Good job, Misty!

Gahh... I've just ranted for 15 minutes about cold chicken. Well, you're still here reading it, so I don't feel so bad! ;-)