Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, July 18, 2005

Toothaches Suck

That'll Learn Me To Get Addicted to LifeSavers

Unintended Consequences. Probably ought to be the title of my life's story.

I've got this tooth giving me shit right now, and it's probably gonna have to come out. No worries, it's not one of the ones up front, just one of my my wayward wisdom teeth that chose to slide into a jaw that had almost, but not quite, enough room to hold them. As a result, both my top wisdom molars jut at a slight angle into my cheeks, both maybe 10 degrees off of true. No big deal. At least at first, anyway. It took about 2 weeks of mild discomfort before the cheeks got used to their new neighbors, and brushing the outboard tooth surface was always an issue, since there was so little clearance between tooth, jawbone and cheek.

Let's add in another variable. A medication I'm taking has as a side effect a dry cough. It's one of those intermittent things that crops up about two or three times a day, usually when you're in a meeting with some of Hizzoner's Nazgul. So, to avoid looking and sounding like a tuberculosis patient, I got in the habit of having peppermint Life Savers on hand at all times to get something trickling down my esophagus and quiet the tickle.

Fast forward a year, and now it looks like candy causes cavities after all. Big effin' cavities. I can run a finger back there, and actually dip a fingertip into the hole right by where I used to tuck the Life Savers. Of course, when I do this, I hit the tooth pulp, which immediately makes me want to twist my head around like Regan MacNeil in 'The Exorcist' because of the searing pain.

Last night I only got about 2 hours of sleep, and that due to copious amounts of scotch and rum. Every 15 minutes or so, I'd take a slash out of the bottle, swish the liquor around the affected area, and then, not being one to waste good hooch, swallow afterwards. I killed both bottles over the span of 8 hours, and they fortunately had less than 1/4 left in each one, otherwise I'd have a hangover on top of everything else.

The odd thing is, I woke up feeling fine. Hell, I feel fine right now. I can feel the tickle, though, that will soon grow into a throb, which will slowly escalate into a hot poker being jabbed in my gums. Then it will slowly fade out and begin again. The pain cycle seems to run in 2-3 hour circuits. I'm just about out of Advil, so this afternoon could be miserable until I can get to a drug store.

Damn, I hate dentists, but I've got to go. Something tells me that continued application of distilled spirits to numb out the tooth is going to seriously detract from my next performance review.

This had better *NOT* screw with my weekend plans. I've already got an 8 a.m. doctors appt. on Friday, and I had hoped to be on the road to D/FW by 9 a.m. afterwards. We shall see...