Cell Phones, ID Badges and Conan the Barbarian
Yes, There's A Point To All This. I'll Get To It Eventually.
Y'know, all I ever needed to know in life, I learned from watching Conan the Barbarian.
'Frinstance... What is best in life?
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women!
What do you do say when IslamoFascists blow up your city?
Infidel Defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood.
What do we know about Scientology?
Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult.
What do you say while standing outside the Kennedy Compound?
Do you know what horrors lie beyond these walls?
What's the deal with John Kerry?
He's evil; a sorcerer who can summon demons. His followers' only purpose is to die in his service. Thousands of them.
And of course, when you need a spot of luck...
The spirits of this place exact a heavy price.
All this, of course, is my long drawn-out way of leading into a story. See, I lost my cell phone over the weekend. I was absolutely sure that I'd left it at this Mexican food restaurant, since I had dug through my car, my carryall bag and my house without finding it. The restaurant people swore they didn't find it, and I was contemplating having to buy a new phone.
My intellect being what it is, I didn't even think about calling my cellphone until this afternoon. I assumed someone would answer it, if the battery was still charged and there was still money left in the account after their repeated and lengthy calls to Oaxaca or Gitmo or even Phobos.
Imagine my surprise when my carryall bag started ringing. After digging through the damn thing a dozen times, didn't I just find that phone in the one zippered pocket that I never put anything in. Jeebus only knows how the phone got in there. I blame the underpants gnomes.
I should have remembered my Conan lessons, though, and sacrificed something to the Lost & Found gods. Y'know, gone to the Coke machine and put in a dollar and left without pushing a button. Dropped one of my emergency stash of Pop-Tart packages in the break room for some lucky person to find.
But nooooooo...... I had to feel all smug about finding the phone. Well, after getting over feeling stupid for not finding it earlier.
I received my due comeuppance. The spirits of the workplace exact a heavy price. Upon reaching my Park & Ride this evening, I look down at my ID badge lanyard around my neck, and I'm short one ID badge.
%#$*$^&%($(*&^#$(*&^#+!!!!!!
Sigh. It's off to the Security Shop tomorrow to be bitched at for being careless and have $15 dollars extracted from my wallet in order to get a new one.
Y'know, all I ever needed to know in life, I learned from watching Conan the Barbarian.
'Frinstance... What is best in life?
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women!
What do you do say when IslamoFascists blow up your city?
Infidel Defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood.
What do we know about Scientology?
Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult.
What do you say while standing outside the Kennedy Compound?
Do you know what horrors lie beyond these walls?
What's the deal with John Kerry?
He's evil; a sorcerer who can summon demons. His followers' only purpose is to die in his service. Thousands of them.
And of course, when you need a spot of luck...
The spirits of this place exact a heavy price.
All this, of course, is my long drawn-out way of leading into a story. See, I lost my cell phone over the weekend. I was absolutely sure that I'd left it at this Mexican food restaurant, since I had dug through my car, my carryall bag and my house without finding it. The restaurant people swore they didn't find it, and I was contemplating having to buy a new phone.
My intellect being what it is, I didn't even think about calling my cellphone until this afternoon. I assumed someone would answer it, if the battery was still charged and there was still money left in the account after their repeated and lengthy calls to Oaxaca or Gitmo or even Phobos.
Imagine my surprise when my carryall bag started ringing. After digging through the damn thing a dozen times, didn't I just find that phone in the one zippered pocket that I never put anything in. Jeebus only knows how the phone got in there. I blame the underpants gnomes.
I should have remembered my Conan lessons, though, and sacrificed something to the Lost & Found gods. Y'know, gone to the Coke machine and put in a dollar and left without pushing a button. Dropped one of my emergency stash of Pop-Tart packages in the break room for some lucky person to find.
But nooooooo...... I had to feel all smug about finding the phone. Well, after getting over feeling stupid for not finding it earlier.
I received my due comeuppance. The spirits of the workplace exact a heavy price. Upon reaching my Park & Ride this evening, I look down at my ID badge lanyard around my neck, and I'm short one ID badge.
%#$*$^&%($(*&^#$(*&^#+!!!!!!
Sigh. It's off to the Security Shop tomorrow to be bitched at for being careless and have $15 dollars extracted from my wallet in order to get a new one.
posted by El Capitan | 11:08 PM
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