That Could've Been Ugly...
El Capitan dodges a bullet early this morning.
I get in to find a revised copy of the Official Dress Code authorized by The Man waiting in my mailbox. Apparently our new crop of interns have dared to bring denim and/or a sneakered foot in these hallowed halls, so instead of calling them all into one room and explaining the routine, someone kills three trees to reprint the employee manual section covering dress code, and place a copy in the entire division's mailboxes.
God, I love efficiency in action!
Anyway, I'm looking at some of the silly shite on this code... wait, lemme share some of this juicy goodness with you. I swear, this is almost as bad as the old EDS dress code.
From the Mens's Section:
*Nose/ear hair cut or trimmed. (well, thank Ghod for that tip. I used to just braid mine.)
*Suspenders or belt, not both. (Damn, I just wanted that extra insurance)
*Tie - Falls between middle of belt buckle to end of belt buckle.
*A knotted tie should just brush the top of your belt line. (printed several lines below the above rule)
*With a traditional or tab collar, always tie a four-in-hand knot. With a spread or button down collar, tie a half-windsor knot. (I challenge any of these rules geeks to be able to tell the difference between the two knots. Just to annoy them, I've started using the Pratt knot.)
*Do not wear button down collars with double breasted suits (The Fashion Police are here!)
*Bow ties are becoming more popular as a part of the business attire ('Swelp me God it says that...)
*Slacks - One break; pressed. (gotta throw out all my 4-break trousers...)
From the Womens's Section:
*Quality rather than quantity (WTF?)
*Too tight = Cheap; bit classy. (WTF? Pt. 2)
*Fingernails - manicured, clean, no peeling nail polish, watch the length (less is more); No fluorescent colors, no nail art or pierced nails. (Can I still have diamonds embedded?)
*Slacks - A jacket may be worn for a professional look. (Shouldn't that be in the jacket category?)
It's all silliness of the highest order. I'm reading through this, and I suddenly wonder about gorilla suits. I've had gorilla suits on the brain lately. A friend is getting married in April, and I contacted her to let her know I was going to wear a gorilla suit to the nuptials. She asked me to please refrain, as that was what she was planning to wear, and we all know you shouldn't outshine the bride on her special day. (Note: If you happen upon female friends with a sense of humor like this, treasure them!)
So, I'm giggling about this silly dress code gleaned from the 1964 edition of Redbook or McCalls, and I wonder about how a gorilla suit would go over. I start to lean into a co-worker's office and say "So, Kim, I guess you're gonna have to quit wearing that gorilla suit!"
Something stopped me at the last minute, and a damn good thing, too.
Y'see, Kim is black. That could've been a shitstorm of the 14th degree. She might've seen the humor in the comment, but you never know. After hearing this story, anything can happen.
I get in to find a revised copy of the Official Dress Code authorized by The Man waiting in my mailbox. Apparently our new crop of interns have dared to bring denim and/or a sneakered foot in these hallowed halls, so instead of calling them all into one room and explaining the routine, someone kills three trees to reprint the employee manual section covering dress code, and place a copy in the entire division's mailboxes.
God, I love efficiency in action!
Anyway, I'm looking at some of the silly shite on this code... wait, lemme share some of this juicy goodness with you. I swear, this is almost as bad as the old EDS dress code.
From the Mens's Section:
*Nose/ear hair cut or trimmed. (well, thank Ghod for that tip. I used to just braid mine.)
*Suspenders or belt, not both. (Damn, I just wanted that extra insurance)
*Tie - Falls between middle of belt buckle to end of belt buckle.
*A knotted tie should just brush the top of your belt line. (printed several lines below the above rule)
*With a traditional or tab collar, always tie a four-in-hand knot. With a spread or button down collar, tie a half-windsor knot. (I challenge any of these rules geeks to be able to tell the difference between the two knots. Just to annoy them, I've started using the Pratt knot.)
*Do not wear button down collars with double breasted suits (The Fashion Police are here!)
*Bow ties are becoming more popular as a part of the business attire ('Swelp me God it says that...)
*Slacks - One break; pressed. (gotta throw out all my 4-break trousers...)
From the Womens's Section:
*Quality rather than quantity (WTF?)
*Too tight = Cheap; bit classy. (WTF? Pt. 2)
*Fingernails - manicured, clean, no peeling nail polish, watch the length (less is more); No fluorescent colors, no nail art or pierced nails. (Can I still have diamonds embedded?)
*Slacks - A jacket may be worn for a professional look. (Shouldn't that be in the jacket category?)
It's all silliness of the highest order. I'm reading through this, and I suddenly wonder about gorilla suits. I've had gorilla suits on the brain lately. A friend is getting married in April, and I contacted her to let her know I was going to wear a gorilla suit to the nuptials. She asked me to please refrain, as that was what she was planning to wear, and we all know you shouldn't outshine the bride on her special day. (Note: If you happen upon female friends with a sense of humor like this, treasure them!)
So, I'm giggling about this silly dress code gleaned from the 1964 edition of Redbook or McCalls, and I wonder about how a gorilla suit would go over. I start to lean into a co-worker's office and say "So, Kim, I guess you're gonna have to quit wearing that gorilla suit!"
Something stopped me at the last minute, and a damn good thing, too.
Y'see, Kim is black. That could've been a shitstorm of the 14th degree. She might've seen the humor in the comment, but you never know. After hearing this story, anything can happen.
posted by El Capitan | 10:14 AM
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