Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Sunday, August 28, 2005

A Most Unusual Thank You Note...

With Apologies To Dr. Seuss!

Every Who Up in Whoozher-ville
Liked Summer a lot...

But El Capitan,
Who lived far South of Whoozher-ville,
Most Assuredly Did NOT!

El Capitan hated Summer!
The whole Steamy season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It wasn't that his tongue hadn't been screwed in just right.
It was much more likely that his pants were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, his pants or his tongue,
He sat there all Summer, sweating and hating the sun
(Staring out from his lair with a big honkin' gun!)
He griped to the world on his personal blog
How the heat made his hands as rough as a log.

"Look at my knuckles!" he snarled with a sneer.
"They look like the north end of a southbound mule deer!"
Then he growled, with his itchy fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep this dry skin from coming!"

He tried hand creams and lotions, applied after showers.
But most smelled like a dumpster full of festering flowers
They were greasy as the bottom of old deep-fat fryers,
And their quality touted by hordes of professional liars.

Finally El Capitan stopped looking on shelves and in bins
For a cure for this plague brought on by numerous sins,
And resigned to forever having creepy lizard-oid skins.
"It could be worse," he said grimly, seeing knuckles like croc scales,
"I've now got a built-in emery board for filing my nails!"

But one day El Capitan came home after a miserable day,
And saw a package by the front door blocking his way.
It had a Whoozher-ville postmark, and was of a good size,
He opened it, found a letter and a real nice surprise!

El Capitan grabbed the letter, and he started to read
T'was from a friend who'd read that he was really in need.
He marveled at the thoughtfulness of a friend sweet and true,
Little Lynnie-Lou Who, who's about a Size Two!

The surprise? A jar of yellow goo meant for a cow.
But El Capitan would try anything right about now!
It worked like a charm! It stifled his mutters!
Though the elixir was meant for rubbing on udders!
Lynn swore in the letter than it worked great on hands,
Much better than any of the commercial store brands.

And what happened then...? Whoozher-ville they say
That El Capitan's heart
Grew three sizes that day!

El Capitan was so grateful, he dashed to the iMac,
And resolved to send his friend out for a snack!
Alas, Lynnie-Lou Who prefers a vegetarian feast,
Which rules out gift certificates for Chateau de Roaste Beaste.

So, lacking in ideas for an appropriate gifty,
El Capitan decided on something quite nifty!
While a note back to Whoozher-ville would be quite apropos,
He decided there was an even better way to go!

Instead of a card meant for only her phiz,
He'd tell the whole world just how nice she is!

So, muchas gracias a usted, mi amiga Lynn!
You're definitely a most wonderful friend!
And while I can't promise that I'll ever sing you a ballad,
When I finally visit, I'll find you the world's largest salad!

Thanks again, Lynn!