We All Get Older...

But The Cliques Still Remain

I apologize in advance for this, but you're about to get a long unsolicited rant...

Normally, I avoid getting in the middle of a cat fight. You rarely come out of it unscathed, and then you've got a whopping case of cat scratch fever and that lingering aroma of cat pee all over you for months...

This time, I can't just go back into lurk mode, though. I've gotten well and truly annoyed at some people who seem to need a good application of a peachtree switch to their backsides, and a forced recitation of Emily Post's Greatest Hits.

Army of Mom posted a question regarding her apparent blackball by the ladies of the Cotillion. Who is/are the Cotillion? Acidman griped about them a while back, and was quickly tagged as a misogynist curmudgeon for daring to lift up their crinolines and expose their stubbly legs and knobbly knees for all to see.

The Cotillion is simply a group of (mostly) female bloggers who periodically hold a coming-out debutante ball to showcase their wares. Their style of blogging and mine are worlds apart, and I really only crossed paths with them when a retired blogger on my daily reading list mentioned them. I don't know about their admittance policies or the criteria they use to select their members, but as most bloggers I've met are an easygoing "We'll hang with anyone" crowd, I just assumed they'd give anyone a shot. Heh, guess not.

At the times that Rob griped about the "divas", I assumed he was just being his usual cantankerous self. After reading a response (allegedly from a Cotillion insider) on AoM's comment section, I realized Rob probably had them pegged from the get-go.

Check this out... Army of Mom (AoM) asks:

There is this lovely website of conservative (mostly Southern) women bloggers who are part of The Cotillion which features the description "Hub site to The Cotillion, a group of some of the best and brightest bloggers around!" I have emailed these webmistresses at least two or three times each to ask for consideration to be a part of the group. Nothing but crickets chirping. They can even email me back to say 'you suck AoM.' I just want an answer that tells me why I can't be part of their clique.

Fair enough question. No replies to her queries, though. This response gets posted in her comments section, however, by 'Anonymous':

As an insider, I know that the main reason your request is being ignored is that you don't fit the mold. The cotillion bloggers touch on interesting life issues, link to good writing and are generally smart and entertaining - less focused on the mundane issues of personal lives and less focused on ogling the opposite sex or being what many would consider to be disrespectful to your husband or wife by posting beefcake and talking - jokingly I'm sure - about wanting to get with said beefcake. A cotillion blogger doesn't necessarily discuss sitting on the toilet, for example. These things are fine for some blogs - including your blog - because that is your style and you are largely writing for a small audience of friends and others who have found your blog(judging by your comments). But it just doesn't fit the sophisticated style. That said, your blog is certainly interesting just less wordly and comprehensive than the cotillion group. Perhaps you could consider starting your own group for women who blog about their thoughts from the toilet or women who lust for unattainable men. I hope that doesn't come across as rude it's just more the style of your blog. Good luck.

OK, extremely harsh, extremely condescending, and you can't really confirm it came from the Cotillion, but at least AoM gets an answer. There's several other commenters that gripe at 'Anonymous' for the bluntnness of the response, but I'm not too annoyed with it. I'm not on the receiving end, after all. Then, 'Anonymous' posted this:

Your blog has its place; the cotillion blogs have a different place. You should not take anything personally. It's good you have a husband who isn't offended by some of the comments you make and feelings you have about other men. I guess that's either very secure, indeed, or clueless or indicates a lack of caring.

Everyone has their own feelings on how to respect a spouse.

WTF??? OK, you tasteful and cultured piece of work, 'Anonymous'... first, you pretty flatly say "You're not in our league, but don't let it trouble your plebian head", then, you flat-out insult their marriage by insinuating the husband's a doofus or doesn't care. Absolutely uncalled for. Classless, tasteless, and just plain "tacky" to steal one of the all-time favorite Diva words.

Finally, we get this last salvo from our Queen of Condescension:

Her blog does not fit with the way of the cotillion - as it's very much full of things nobody cares about other than those close to her, rather than touching on the greater good and larger issues. (ed note: redacting a bit here)
AoM: Clearly you're a fine mother, with a good husband; a good writer with some cogent posts at times and interesting things to say - so be happy with that. Because you're not what the cotillion is about doesn't mean anything other than your blog serves a different purpose. It's tailored more to frustrated women than the sophisticated woman. Be proud of that.

Unbelievable. For the second time, AoM gets patted on the head and told "Shut up and know your place, subcreature." 'Anonymous', you're a fucking twat.

For the record, I'm not close to AoM at all. Never met her, never emailed her. Still, I read her stuff every day. Not because of the beefcake shots or the tons and tons of stuff about the rugrats, but simply because she knows how to tell a story well. That's all the "sophistication" I'm looking for.

'Anonymous', I sure hope your postings came from a troll looking to spoof the Cotillion. It definitely puts that group of bloggers in a very suspect light. Woody Allen once said "I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member". Well, I'm not interested in any group that would have this 'Anonymous' as a member. So, that pretty much writes off anyone on their membership list.

Not that they'd care. I'm tacky and gross, and write about icky things.

Look, I'm not faulting anyone for choosing who they prefer to hang out with. We all do it in one form or another, it's part of being human. Still, if you're going to set yourself up as an elite group, there's another set of rules that you put on along with that tiara. If you set out to anoint yourself as the Lord or Lady of the realm, you had best understand perfectly the concept of noblesse oblige and how to act the part, sans peur et sans reproche. Otherwise I'll be calling 'bullshit' while flinging it at you.

Sorry you didn't get what you wanted, AoM. For what it's worth, you're a pretty damned good blogger.

We'll close with a little ditty by the Sex Pistols.

There's no point in asking you'll get no reply
Oh just remember I don't decide
I got no reason it's too all much
You'll always find us out to lunch

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We're vacant

Don't ask us to attend 'cos we're not all there
Oh don't pretend 'cos I don't care
I don't believe illusions 'cos too much is real
So stop you're cheap comment 'cos we know what we feel

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty we're vacant
Ah but now and we don't care

There's no point in asking you'll get no reply
Oh just remember a don't decide
I got no reason it's too all much
You'll always find me out to lunch
We're out on lunch

Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty we're vacant
Oh we're so pretty
Oh so pretty ah
But now and we don't care

We're pretty
A pretty vacant
We're pretty
A pretty vacant
We're pretty
A pretty vacant
We're pretty
A pretty vacant

And we don't care