Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Vanilla Frosted Chicken Chunks

Boy, That'll Put You Off Your Feed...

This ain't my day. Besides the late start, (2nd day in a row) I didn't have time to gather up a lunch before leaving the house. So, instead of doing the usual thing and grabbing a couple of burgers at the Jack In The Crack or Booger King on the way to the bus stop and reheating them this afternoon, I pulled into a Walgreen's and made a quick dash through the snack aisle.

Unfortunately, at a drug store your protein choices are usually limited to either canned Danish hams, ancient tins of Paraguayan mackerel, dodgy looking cans of sardines or 18 varieties of jerky.

Not being a huge fan of canned fish, I went for the jerky. Chose the Tyson Teriyaki Chicken Chunks. I figured as long as I'm eating oversalted meat products, I'd save myself the coronary wear & tear and get poultry instead of beef.

Well, that was a mistake. I couldn't resist tearing open the package for a quick sample after getting to work. Immediately upon opening, a foul aroma wafted out. Peeking inside, it looked as if each little nugget had a thick coat of cake icing spread on it. The goopy kind, with little green sprinkles on top.

I managed to get the ziplock seal closed before my gag reflex kicked in. Good thing, too. There's probably some emetophiliac wandering around the office just waiting for a Technicolor Yawn to occur. Damn fetish freaks are everywhere these days, according to what I'm reading on slightly disreputable blogs, anyway...

UPDATE: A very annoying helpful nitpicker loyal reader emailed me to let me know that Paraguay is a landlocked country, and the chances of that country exporting a canned pelagic fish is slim at best. In this case though, I'm pretty sure these were cans of the little known Patagonian Pampas Mackerel, herded by very short gauchos riding shaven llamas. So there.