Things To Do Before You Die

By No Means A Complete List

Got to thinking recently about my multitude of plans I had as a youth, and how many have come to fruition. Sadly, the 'Ain't Done It" pile is considerably bigger than the "Done It" list.

I've got plenty of time left (I hope, anyway) to knock off a few more items, but the accumulated wisdom of the years has let me know that there's a few things that probably just ain't gonna happen as I push awfully near 40. There's a few others that will only be possible by a sudden acquisition of lottery winnings.

F'rinstance...

Ain't Never Gonna Happen
Emigrate to the moon or beyond.
Serve as a Texas Ranger (no, not the baseball kind)
Be an A-10 Warthog pilot
Have a foursome with Monica Bellucci, Alicia Witt, & Dana Delaney.


Need Some Serious Cashflow
Own a C-130 cargo plane and fly all over the world in it.
Race in the Iditarod
Climb Mount Everest
Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
Ride a arctic-white 1200cc riceburner crotchrocket at 150 mph dressed in stormtrooper armor
Go on an African safari for Cape Buffalo, leopard and rhino. No heffalumps or woozles.
Start up a premium whiskey distillery
Road trip around USA, see a baseball game in every ballpark in one season.


Could Probably Still Pull It Off
Get married, maybe have kid(s)
conduct a symphony orchestra
Own a strip mall with a titty bar, liquor store, porn & sex toy shop, gun store and head shop. I'd call it "The Vice is Right".
Own a ranch stocked with buffalo & longhorns. Eat one occasionally.
Shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
Become a published novelist (NOT through a vanity press)
Travel to Europe for several months/years
Retire to a hacienda. Have the peons flogged monthly.

OK,now what'd I miss?