Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

What An Asshole!

ChemLawn Strikes Again!

Years of chemical fertilizers used in lawn care had apparently soaked through the hide and up into the brain of some asswipe up in Ohio. When a teenage neigbor walked across his meticulously tended yard once too often, instead of turning a water hose on him, Mr. Lunatic YardCare kills the kid with a shotgun.

Fuckwits like that not only give responsible gun owners a black eye, but it just reinforces my belief that a perfect green lawn is the sign of a troubled mind.

You won't see me siding with tree-huggers too often, but on the topic of overfertilized, overwatered lawns, we'll agree. I have ZERO use for a turfed lawn. You all thought I was kidding earlier when I claimed I wanted to pave my yard over and paint it green. Hah. Give me xeriscape any day over turf. Hell, for that matter, lay down a paving of plastic pink flamingoes.

Tending a yard is an exercise in futility, especially down here in a subtropical zone where plant life grows like crazy. Trying to maintain a golf-green quality yard is a Sisyphean task, and one that fights against the entropy inherent in the universe. Your yard yearns to return to a state of tangled shrubbery, and in this instance I have no desire to try and impose order over chaos.

Bah, that reminds me... I gotta go home tonight and set fire to the jasmine that's enveloping the garage. Bastard plant requires a flamethrower, almost. Between the lebensraum-motivated jasmine and the goddamned vicious pyracantha hedge, I could almost believe the plants are plotting to kill me...