Come Ride The Danger Train!

Oh, No! Not Another Song Parody...

Citizens of Houston,

An evil force has entered our fair city,
and threatens to expand unless it's stopped!

Commuters! Travelers! Hear me out!
This could happen to YOU!!!

(Sung to the tune of "MTA" by the Kingston Trio)

Let me tell you the story
Of a man named Laurence
On a tragic and fateful day!
He put a daypass in his pocket,
Kissed his cats and family
Went to ride on the Danger Train!

Laurence scanned in his daypass
At the Bell Street Station,
And he changed for Holcombe & Main.
But the train got T-boned near the Medical Center
Laurence couldn't get off of that train!

Chorus:
Did he ever return?
No he never returned,
And his fate is still unlearn'd...
He may ride forever
On the streets of Houston
He's the man who never returned!

Now all day long
Laurence rides up and down Main Street
crying, "What will become of me?
Will I ever get to see my lizard-hunting Nardo
Or little Piper or even Frisky??"

METRO promised that the train
would be a boon to commuters,
World-Class travel for all to see!
But a grade-level track,
and some wonky traffic signals
made the ride extremely scare-eeee!!

Chorus:
Did he ever return?
No he never returned,
And his fate is still unlearn'd...
He may ride forever
On the streets of Houston
He's the man who never returned!

Laurence's wife goes down
To the Reliant Park station
Every day at quarter past two
And through the broken window
She tosses Laurence a kittycat
As the train comes rumblin' through!

Chorus:
Did he ever return?
No he never returned,
And his fate is still unlearn'd...
He may ride forever
On the streets of Houston
He's the man who never returned!

Now you citizens of Houston,
Don't you think it's a scandal
That the people have to pay and pay
For a vanity project from an absentee mayor.
Get poor Laurence off the Danger Train!

Chorus:
Or else he'll never return,
No he'll never return
And his fate will be unlearned
He may ride forever
On the streets of Houston
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.

(Ed. Note: Laurence is the only other Houston blogger I'm aware of that regularly endures METRO in order to get to work. He's actually ridden that foolish train, though, which is why he's the subject of this song!)