Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tough Choices

Just Kill Me Now...

Lifted from Tiffany's Pregnancy Palace.

Would you rather:

1. Watch a porno with your parents OR starring your parents?

This is like that line from the song "Mrs. Robinson"... either way you look at it you lose. I'm absolutely horrified by this decision. If I sit through a porno with the 'rents, Dad will likely snooze off, or lean forward to disguise a 70 year old stiffie. (I can't decide which is worse) Mom will try to make inane remarks in an effort to relate the experience, and I'll be scarred for life, or I'd have to actually watch them go at it, which will also mentally scar me for life.

Sigh. I'll go for watching the porn with them. At least I can make snarky comments to somewhat relieve the misery. If I had to ever hear Mom say to Dad "Give it to me, you bald-headed stallion!" while watching them knock boots, I'd have to shoot myself.

2. Lick the handle on a public restroom toilet OR eat a wad of toilet paper from the stall floor?

I'd have to go with the lick. It's a one-shot deal, and I wouldn't be picking bits of asspaper out from my molars for hours afterward.

3. Be MC Hammer OR Vanilla Ice?

Hmmm... shave stripes in my eyebrows or wear the baggy pants... I'll go with the eyebrows. White, white, baby! Plus, I used to hang on the mean streets of Carrollton, TX myself.

4. Be able to fly OR read people's minds?

Fly! Who gives a damn what people think if you can fly to other places!

5. Have whatever you want for one year then die OR be paralyzed for life?

This one I'm not too clear on. Do I still get whatever I want for a year, then it's either die or be paralyzed for life? I mean, why tack on the 'whatever you want for a year' part. Why not just "Would you rather die, or live paralyzed?" Depends on what you mean by paralyzed, bucko. Paraplegic, sure, I'll ride the chair. Quad? Not so much. Dead from neck down? Kill me now.

6. Have a permanent smile OR a permanent blank stare?

I'll go with the blank stare. I'd hate to be confused with a politician.

7. Be burned alive OR drown?

Drowning for sure. Significantly less pain involved!

8. Be known worldwide as a racist OR a child molestor?

Look at it this way, David Duke got 38% of the vote in a governor's race. John Wayne Gacy was executed in prison. So, if I got to be one or the other, Where are my damn sheets?

9. Eat three pounds of hair OR drink a gallon of shampoo?

That's a lotta hair. I'd be coughing up hairballs for months. A gallon of shampoo, I puke a coupla times, get my stomach pumped, and I'm done. So, hand over the Prell.

10. Be God OR the devil?

Well, if you're God, you can do pretty much anything. Might as well be omnipotent.

Who's up next? I gotta see some of y'all take this quiz...