Cat Spanking

In The Metaphorical Sense, Anyway...

Got a big wad of cat poo on my shoe at the moment. I ought to be outside scraping it off, but I'm instead contemplating the idea of wrapping it in a tiny yet festive holiday bag, then using a pretty satin ribbon to tie it around the neck of the offending feline.

Trouble is, I don't know which cat dropped the deuce on the bathroom fuzzy rug. They're both sneaky little turds when they want to be. I suppose I could jam a pinky in each cat's bunghole, wriggle it around a bit to collect a good sample, then do a comparative smell test. I will not, however. That's just too bloody effed up a task to consider, and shame on you for thinking I might actually do it!!

Sigh. I won't be spanking them, either. I constantly threaten the cats with "I'm gonna beat you with a large stick!", but they never pay me any mind. I'll end up cleaning up the poo, washing the fuzzy rug, and still lavish upon them the usual amount of ear skritchies and kitty treats, just like always.

Yup, they've got me figured out...

UPDATE: No, I'm not wearing the befouled shoe as I type this... It's perched shit-side-up on the trash can lid until I go scrape it clean.