Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Random Thoughts

Presented In Lieu Of Actual Content!

'Tis the season for cold winds and chapped lips. If you don't have a horse's rectum handy**, I highly recommend Carmex. It's a whole lot better than Chapstick.

I saw on the marquee on a local theater that 'A Chorus Line' is hitting the stage soon. It's got to be pretty surreal trying to audition for that particular production. I mean, you're trying out for a musical that's about trying out for a musical. Do you suppose the director makes the auditioners stand alone onstage and grill them about why Daddy ignored them or that time Uncle Roger felt them up? Do they make the plain women sing "Dance Ten, Looks Three"? Would it help your chances if you said you were gay, or never saw 'The Red Shoes'? You just gotta wonder how much life imitates art while it's imitating life...

Saw 'Pirate Radio' at the flicks the other night. I liked the movie well enough, but I'm still a bit stunned over the cost of a ticket, plus the cost of concessions these days. For what I paid for popcorn and a Diet Coke, I could have had a full meal at one of the local Movie Grill theaters...

This morning, there was something scrabbling around up in the drop ceiling in the breakroom. I was tempted to climb up on a chair and peek up there, but it would probably turn out to be one or more Deputy Directors from the previous administration looking for crumbs to eat. That would be a lot creepier than some mangy old rat...

It's Day 62 of Project LOLA, and things are going well. I forgot to put my pants in the dryer last night, so I had to locate my Emergency Pants. These are a pair of khakis from a few years back that were uncomfortably tight, but I could wear 'em if I had to, provided I didn't move real quick or sit down too hard.

So, I start to squeeze on the pants, but there was no squeezing necessary! In fact, there's an inch or so of wiggle room in the waistband! I plan on celebrating with a Slurpee this weekend when I drive out to San Marcos. They might actually have a sugar-free version, but since I only get to a 7-11 once or twice a year for a Slurpee fix, I'm not gonna freak out if they don't. What really troubles me is the close proximity of a Wienerschnitzel restaurant to my sister's place. Ever had their Pastrami Dog on a pretzel bun? That's some good grub, mister!

I already looked it up on the 'web, they're 650 calories apiece. I think I can budget one of those and a Slurpee...

** A cowboy rode into town all dusty and dehydrated, desperately wanting a cold beer. He got off his horse at the saloon, walked around behind the horse, lifted its tail and kissed it right on the bunghole. An old man outside the saloon asked him, "Why did you kiss your horse on the ass?" The cowboy said, "Chapped lips." The old man asked "Does that help?" The cowboy replied,"No, but it keeps me from licking my lips!"