Warning To An Arthropod

Verbum Sapienti Satis Est!

To the katydid that's residing in the yew bush near the porch light:

You are buzzing @ 110 decibels during my evening cigar time.

It is harshing my mellow.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know what you want.

If you are looking for a female katydid to screw, I can't help you there.

I don't have whatever it is that katydids eat.

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career.

Skills that make me a nightmare for insects like you.

If you leave my porch now, that'll be the end of it.

I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.

But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.