OK, Enough Is Enough!

Lay Down The Crackpipe, Monsewer!



Via The Manolo, we are treated to the latest in low-rise jeans from some pea-brained clothing designer. Witness for yourself:



Now, El Capitan would be lying if he said that pictures like that offended him. In truth, a part of his salivating monkey brain would be quite pleased if that style became de rigueur for those (and only those!) with the physique to make it look good.

The rest of his brain, however, laments the headlong rush to dress our females in articles of clothing possessing less surface area than your average postage stamp. Half of the fun of doing The Deed is getting to unwrap the package, and the longer the unwrapping goes on, especially when done in a teasing yet exploratory manner, the more... ummmm... motivated! each party will be by the conclusion of the unwrapping. This does not mean El Capitan wishes a return to petticoats, bloomers and crinolines! No, just to the point where there's still a bit of mystery to what the other party has to offer when you enter into merger negotiations.

(El Capitan knows that his gentle readers are unused to seeing him delve into areas concerning people exposing their naughty bits and making Tab A fit into Slot B. Rest assured that he'll go back to his usual monkish self after this post. He just feels very strongly about this, and couldn't remain silent.)

Now, for you young'uns... while you may have been taught via our current pop culture that the end-all be-all of intimate activity consists of ripping aside a scrap of cloth and commencing to flail away like a spasmodic wildebeest, trust to the wisdom of El Capitan and know that extra time and care devoted to the prelude always pays off by the end of the symphony. What quick yanking on that denim bikini tie can compare to the slow pull on a full-length zipper on a pair of blue jeans, starting just shy of the navel, and ceasing just north of The Promised Land? The subsequent parting of the jean front panels, so reminiscent of... well, I'll stop there. I don't need to go down to catch a bus walking funny.

OK, to pull this back on a serious basis... I've heard it said many times by women to other women, "If you put out on a first date, they'll lose all respect for you". Well, almost. Go out dressed like that, and that's probably all it will take for the Respect-O-Meter to take a dive. You can couch this style in all the "womyn's empowerment" and "personal liberation" talk you want until you're blue in the face, but the bottom line is, if you dress like a whore, you really lose your right to get offended if someone mistakes you for one.