Rednecks Driving In Circles
Warning! Heresy Alert!
Army of Mom is apparently under the influence of the methanol fumes emanating from Texas Motor Speedway... She's got a bunch of NASCAR drivers plastered all over her site.
Now, in most ways, I deeply resemble a redneck. I like the BBQ, the hound dogs, the shootin' irons, the pick'em-up trucks, and have been known to get intoxicated and do something really stupid prefaced by the phrase, "Hey, watch this!"
One trait I never picked up, however, was an appreciation for NASCAR. I was brought up on a steady diet of open-wheel racing, preferring Indy cars, but I'll go with Formula One as well. In a pinch, I'll watch those little outlaw death-buggies on a dirt track, but I never intentionally tune in to a NASCAR race. Hell, it bugs me to death that some Indy 500 drivers seem to plow into the wall just so they can catch their flight down to Charlotte for the Coca-Cola 600. Pick a league and stick to it, guys...
NASCAR always seemed... hokey, for lack of a better word. Back when they raced factory-stock vehicles, I suppose it was all right, but building an 800 horsepower monster and layering a thin skin of fiberglass that roughly approximates this year's crop of sedans just ain't right. Go ahead and weld on some armor plate! Add spikes and smoke generators! Race on a figure-eight track!
I know, I'm horribly biased. IRL racing is just guys going in circles, too. Still, there just seems more to Indy Cars than in NASCAR rides. Sure, you can talk all you want about gettin' in tight in the corners and tradin' paint, but that's just sloppy driving, IMHO. Touch wheels in an Indy car doing 220 MPH, there's a good chance one of those cars is gonna come down in the next county.
Anyway, just had to speak my piece. I'll finish up with a cute little ditty by Tim Wilson. I'm sure you can figure out the title of the song!
Army of Mom is apparently under the influence of the methanol fumes emanating from Texas Motor Speedway... She's got a bunch of NASCAR drivers plastered all over her site.
Now, in most ways, I deeply resemble a redneck. I like the BBQ, the hound dogs, the shootin' irons, the pick'em-up trucks, and have been known to get intoxicated and do something really stupid prefaced by the phrase, "Hey, watch this!"
One trait I never picked up, however, was an appreciation for NASCAR. I was brought up on a steady diet of open-wheel racing, preferring Indy cars, but I'll go with Formula One as well. In a pinch, I'll watch those little outlaw death-buggies on a dirt track, but I never intentionally tune in to a NASCAR race. Hell, it bugs me to death that some Indy 500 drivers seem to plow into the wall just so they can catch their flight down to Charlotte for the Coca-Cola 600. Pick a league and stick to it, guys...
NASCAR always seemed... hokey, for lack of a better word. Back when they raced factory-stock vehicles, I suppose it was all right, but building an 800 horsepower monster and layering a thin skin of fiberglass that roughly approximates this year's crop of sedans just ain't right. Go ahead and weld on some armor plate! Add spikes and smoke generators! Race on a figure-eight track!
I know, I'm horribly biased. IRL racing is just guys going in circles, too. Still, there just seems more to Indy Cars than in NASCAR rides. Sure, you can talk all you want about gettin' in tight in the corners and tradin' paint, but that's just sloppy driving, IMHO. Touch wheels in an Indy car doing 220 MPH, there's a good chance one of those cars is gonna come down in the next county.
Anyway, just had to speak my piece. I'll finish up with a cute little ditty by Tim Wilson. I'm sure you can figure out the title of the song!
Jeff Gordon's gay! Jeff Gordon's gay!
At least that's what them ornery Earnhardt fans always say.
They swear he's usin' Vaseline on the 24 Chevrolet,
Jeff Gordon's gay, he must be gay!
He wears rainbow colors, he's a handsome fella,
Standin' in Victory Lane, with a gorgeous little wife
with a check in her hand, sippin that gay champagne
Them Earnhardt fans up in the stands, all chokin' on bread & Spam,
say Gordon's gay every time he turns and hugs Ray Evernham!
Jeff Gordon's gay, he must be gay!
He's probably whistlin' Elton John or Spandau Ballet!
He's got them rainbow warriors singin YMCA,
Jeff Gordon's gay, he must be gay!
He's got 3 Winston Cup trophies sittin' home on his trophy shelf,
but I betcha he can't pick one up, at least not by hisself!
Jeff Gordon's gay! Jeff Gordon's gay!
At least thats what the people who lose on Sunday always say.
They swear he's usin' Vaseline on the 24 Chevrolet,
Jeff Gordon's gay, he must be gay!
and next year he'll drive the long pink Cadillac... for Mary Kay!!!
posted by El Capitan | 3:31 PM
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